Hi all - i'm pretty early on in this fertility journey - compared to lots of you - so hope it's ok to share how bad i've been feeling.
We've been trying for 18months and had lots of tests so far - latest was hycosy to check tubes and yet again - "everything looks fine"! Partners tests all came back fine, i'm ovulating ok, all of the blood tests seem fine, so on and so on...
And while it's great that there's nothing seriously wrong and i know it could be much worse - it just feels so confusing to not know what the problem is. The consultant said lots of people just have unexplained fertility - and it's looking increasing like we will be another of those people. When we go back in January, I'm convinced the conversation will go straight to - do we want IVF?
And I'm just not sure I'm resilient enough to do it. The crushing disappointment when my period comes is bad enough, but for it to happen after all that intensive treatment... I have a history of depression and anxiety and I just fear for my mental health - and also my relationship. I know one person who has done it and it worked, and another for whom it didn't (and her relationship didn't survive it).
It's great to see on here how many of you brave ladies are doing it and coping so well and being really resilient. It's really inspiring but i'm not just not sure i'm that person.
And all the time, so many friends and workmates are getting pregnant which of course is great but so heartbreaking too. One of my friends recently didn't tell me she'd had her little one as she didn't want to upset me - but of course it feels even worse that i didnt know. And then people don't know what to say to you when you do tell them what's happening - "oh it'll happen when you stop thinking about it", "oh you don't really want one anyway, they're very hard work"... i know they're trying to help but it's just so hard.
Bleurghh... sorry - just wanted to share - i found this little space a week ago and it's been so wonderful to know that there's more of us. x
Written by
Missmarple99
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Don't ever apologise for feeling the way you do. It's brutal and it's impossible to be positive all of the time. It's just so very hard when you want it so very much. It becomes so consuming and puts strain on relationships with partners, family and friends. My husband and I are solid but this has really tested us and taken us to our limits so I completely understand your trepidation. I too have felt sad and resentful when I've heard friends/family are pregnant closely followed by guilt and anger at myself for being so selfish. It's horrible but you desperately want it to be your turn and that's completely understandable. I've had numerous people tell me they are pregnant by text message to avoid the awkward face-to-face and one family member who apologised for being pregnant. It's awkward and people don't know what to say or how to act and more often than not they say and do the complete wrong thing. I learnt to grow a thick skin for self preservation but it's hard and nowhere near full-proof.
In terms of IVF you have to do what is right for you. It's a hard decision but something no one else can make for you. For me I had to try to know in my heart I had tried everything I could. I felt that I could live with a negative outcome easier than wondering what if. Everyone is different though. The decision doesn't have to be made quickly you are entitled to take some time to think about it. This forum is great and there are always people here to speak to.
Thanks so much KGipp. It's so helpful to know that someone understands what it feels like - as you say it's brutal and feels really isolating a lot of the time.
It's really useful to understand what you were thinking about when making the decision to do IVF. I do tend to focus on my hypothetical thoughts about how difficult it will be, rather than what i would look back and think. Lots to think about.
Thanks for taking the time to reply - it really means a lot.
This is an amazing group I couldn't have got through my last cycle without it. I always knew I was not one of those people who could do round after round. I think tho if you don't do it you will always wonder. Ive been ttc for 3 years and had 1 failed icsi cycle. We have now applied to adopt. My only option was donor eggs and that plus the tender hooks I constantly felt on was no life. Think you need to rely on your gut feeling and ultimately you need to be able to live with your decision. Ivf is not easy but if it brought you a baby I am sure it would be more than worth it. Good luck xx
Don't be upset hun, I know everything will be Ok one day. I also had a lot of problems with my infertility, I couldn/t have a baby for a long tome but we didn't give up. My husband supported me all the time and we could survive.
I hope you also will find your piece of happiness, your little baby.
P.S. yeah this gropup is really amazing , here I found a lot of fellows, hope you do the same
I just want to say you're denfinitely not alone with those feelings-sadly it's quite normal. At least coming onthis site you'll be able to talk to those you understand-unless you've been through it impossible to understand the full impact.
It's so heartbreaking every month to try and get the same depressing result.
How there can be such a thing as unexplained infertility in this stay and age.
I had unexplained infertility for 5 years-it was very dismissed by the medical profession. We literally were told at the clinic it was IVF or trying and we won't fund you ( i have a child which I grateful for)-the consultant didn't bother dressing up it nicely and honestly shrugged his shoulders at us-he was just awful. 😳
So 2014 we were discharged. Later that year I started getting serious issues with my menstrual cycle-heavy periods to the point I couldn't leave the house-bleeding and cramping between my periods-led to investigations - included a hysterscopy and biopsy=all normal- issues persisted so I saw another general gynae who couldn't help me as treatment would prevent a pregnancy-my GP tried a few treatments nothing worked so referred me to the same gynae- who thought my cycle issues were down to an ovulation problem. And when I told him it was unexplained he laughed and said no such thing! He was horrified to hear how badly we had been treated - and put in his letter a recommendation to a fertility clinic - he even stated which clinic-so I wouldn't have to see our ex consultant also this clinic was run by his colleague amazingly my GP agreed and we saw the leading consultant at the fertility clinic.He was great-the complete opposite to the other consultant he took his time and we weren't rushed-he was very through and efficient. I have anaemia as a result of heavy periods and also I had a glucose test by my GP for dizzy spells-that appointment I found out I'm boderline type 2 diabetes-with weight problem too. With all these symptoms I was diagnosed with polycystric ovaries-I have been given clomid to help me ovulate on my 4th cycle-after 5 long years of trying it was a huge relief to know what the reason for our infertility was-all I did over the years was blame myself and started to have real confidence issue. How that consultant missed it I do not know-yes all my hormones showed normal yet stuff was going wrong and it was only when I had evidence of something not being right did the medical profession listen to me and took it seriously.
I do wish I had got a second opinion a long time ago and saved ourselves all those years of suffering. We have suffered. My advice would be get a second opinion-don't leave it like I did. Perhaps look into other tests that aren't offered on the NHS. I do not understand how the medics can treat infertility if they do not the know the cause of it.
I hope you can get to the bottom of it-don't let them fob you off.
Infertility will test you like nothing else can, as well as putting pressure on your relationships with the people you love and care for. I have been through one round of IVF which sadly ended in my third miscarriage but despite this I would do it again in a heartbeat now I've had some time away from it all. As my husband reminds me the only other option for us is giving up and that isn't really an option! You are stronger than you realise, I think you have to accept that some days you will feel ok and others you will feel like you can't carry on, just don't beat yourself up for how you are feeling. Best wishes for your treatment, whichever path you choose. This is a wonderful site full of amazing ladies who can offer you support like no one else can. I've found it a real comfort in my low moments xxxx
Honey, I'm so sorry you faced this. unfortunately I have the same unexplained thing, it's tough I know. all your test are alright but you still feel that you are not full-fledged. you see it's our fate gives us more obstacles to overcome I think.
After 5 years of fruitless attempts I still don't have success. Someone may say that it's easier for me to live with it because I've already had a baby (a 5 y-o boy) before that infertility. But I can't agree, knowing that I was able to have a child is killing me...why on earth can't I have it now. sometimes I hate my body I even felt hatred towards my DH, but then I realize it's not his fault. Starting IVF is a difficult decision and I still doubt, whether it could work, you know trying for so long makes you sceptic, right?
Anyways, cheer up! Vibes of happiness to you..x
Oh hun take it one day at a time and feel what you have to .been married 8 years and lost some relationships because of not having children .some of my Dh's family told me they had no reason to visit our home since there were no children.it was so terrible. Great thing was that our marriage was solid and he's my buddy so he told his family to back off.over the years alot of friends and family have had babies.and I get the 'when is your turn look'.I just told people we were focusing on our careers.
We recently did more tests and discovered my tubes are blocked .it was heartbreaking .the doc suggested ivf and just like that we clung to the idea and started the tests and treatment .we were not really committed to baby making all those years ago as we were both busy with work .but now that we can afford it(it's not free where I live ) and my age 33 is a good age we are hoping and praying it works out. I'm on day 9 of stimulation.doc says we might collect on Friday or Saturday. He increased my fostimon dosage to 4 vials because I have one 20 mm follicle and the others are around 13 mm. Hoping to get about 6 or 8 at 18mm .another scan tomorrow.
Ivf is not easy but so far it hasn't been as hard as I thought.im so glad I found this site.its easier to just write about my journey on here .I'm taking it one day at a time and praying and hoping for the best. Twins will make my life complete.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
Two blasto's in their new home..let the craziness begin 😳🙈
Trying to stay positive 
New and Lost..... Help 
New -Sad times, trying to come to terms with everything 
Trying with IVF for the first time
