Failed IVF cycle - facing people and going back to work has initiated tension headaches which are there virtually constantly throughout the day. They're painful and making it hard to focus on work and my studying (I have 3 months to go to finish my masters). I find it's harder to cope being around people and pretending everything is ok as I know I'm not really ok. I feel like I'm acting my way through the day when people are around me just to get by. Some people know about what's happened but there's only so much they can say and the topic moves on (which I'm fine with - talking about it won't make us more fertile).
I know it's a stress thing to have a tension headache, and I actually work as a physio and have helped people to manage these in the past but can't seem to help myself. Perhaps the failed cycle has been the straw that's broken the camels back and caused mental overload. I'm really keen to get over it and get back to focusing on my work. My husband doesn't have headaches and has gone back to work stuff pretty effectively (albeit his concentration level isn't fully back to normal) - which is obviously good. I'm annoyed that I'm having them and they seem really out of my control and I feel that the more I try to work, the worse they get, but I'm also struggling to alleviate them at rest.
I've done things to help myself grieve for our loss to help release any excessive tension I'm carrying and try to let go. I've seen a counsellor at our IVF clinic who was understanding. Today we lit a candle in our local church to say goodbye to our little blasto & wrote a short prayer. I've talked my feelings through with close friends, family and my partner but am still at a loss to getting rid of these headaches. I have a dog so go walking each day which I enjoy, I've been doing some light reading, and tried a cold flannel on my forehead & self-relaxation but no relief.
If I cry the pressure in my head does release, but I can't make myself cry all the time to do this, and I just want to try to move on and not keep revisiting our loss.
Our BFN came as a surprise to me, I really thought it had stuck. We've had only BFN's over the years since we started trying, and we both so want to be parents (like everyone else on here of course!). We are unexplained infertility which is hard to handle. I feel like people must think I'm not good enough and that's why we can't have children, I know it's completely irrational and incorrect deep down, but I feel like for some reason it's all my fault. I feel like a failure.
If anyone has any ideas of what might help from a physical and psychological standpoint then I'd really appreciate it. I'm limited on time due to my MSc work but am prepared to try anything at this point. I'm not a great reader but enjoy podcasts/audiobooks.
I hope some of you out there can relate to some of this and hope I'm not sounding too moany.
Thank you for reading,