How soon after failure can we try again?

Hey all!

My test day is technically not till tomorrow. But I've had a negative this morning, and I'm just not surprised at all. I just knew it. Ever just have a feeling?

Anyway, I'm just really keen to try again already. We're planning on trying this one more time and then going for adoption. I just want a baby, I don't care how it gets here. So, for anyone who has done this more than once, how soon can we start again?

36 Replies

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  • Hey Pandash,

    Really sorry for your BFN.

    Are you with NHS or private?

    With my clinic (NHS) they say a minimum of 3 months between each cycle. I think private is completely different and they'll allow people to try again as soon as they feel ready.


  • I'm with NHS - I know that giving yourself a break is probably recommended, but I just really want it all over with so I can.. unpause life! :(

  • Hi Pandash,

    I'm really sorry to hear this. My NHS clinic did advise me to test twice though, once on test day and if it was negative, to test again a week later. Just to make sure. They told me to wait at least 3 months before trying again as your cycle and body need to return to normal.

    It is great you are thinking about adoption though! I have been thinking about it too!

    Sending you hugs and best wishes xxx

  • I'll definitely keep testing over the next few days, I just really feel like I already know :( I've been watching a fab youtube couple who adopted, Phil and Alex the channel is called, they're a bit over the top and cheesy but it made me feel quite positive about the prospect!

  • Oh no. Are you sure it's still not a bit early to rely on the result? We transferred same day and my test day isn't till Monday.

    Big hugs x

    My clinic said I'd be able to go straight into another cycle due to my age, you know because I'm ancient....

  • It's definitely a bit early to rely on it, but I just have a feeling. :( I'll keep testing though for a few days at least. D: xx

  • So sorry to read your news, I've had that every time, except my last one but that was also a BFN too. Even though you know it still hurts like hell. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself some time to heal.

    You can go again whenever you're ready, but the NHS advise a break, I think it's so you're more mentally ready than a physical reason.

    Take the time you need xxx

  • I know, I'm just impatient to try again so I can get it over with and just unpause life! D:

  • Know what you mean, the last 3 years of my life I feel I've lived on pause! Xx

  • Oh, no.. I know how it feels dear! Had that disappointment myself and not once.. :( I think that's not a problem to start the cycle over again.. that's just the questions when you feel well enough for that. I mean they say you need some time to recover after all that done with you. Usually it takes about 3 months..but everything mostly depends on you and your psysical condition. That's what the doctors rely on.. Wish you luck with your next time? xx

  • I'm sorry that you've been through this too :( Thanks for your kind wishes.

  • Just wanted to ask why you are speaking about adoption in case of another failure? Why don't you considering surrogacy here? I think that's still better than adoption. At least you'll have the baby having your genes. Or there's some other problems that don't allow that?

  • Our problem is the male factor, so I don't actually think surrogacy would make any difference :( Plus, I just really don't mind if my baby doesn't have my genes, I just want a baby! I'd be happy to give a baby in need a good home.

  • I feel like that too Pandash, for me adoption would be my preferred choice over donor eggs, donor sperm or surrogacy. Everyone is different in what they think would suit them. Fortunately my husband feels the same as me. But I have two friends which children born using donors and one friend who is being a surrogate and I think it's great that children can be created in so many ways so that we have these options. We are lucky really.

  • It's wonderful that you're thinking about adoption and having a plan must take some of the pressure off. When I was thinking of adoption I got the strong impression that it is rare in the UK to adopt a baby -that most adoptions are for 3-5 year olds. Is that not what you've found? I would be happy to be corrected!!

  • My sister's mother-in-law is a foster mother and she constantly gets foster babies, I think there's a lot of them in the Glasgow area. Also, we're very young so I think that would actually be a plus for giving us a younger child. Not that I would say no to a 3-5 year old either! The annoying thing is that we need to be done with the IVF process for 6 months before we'll even be considered.

  • It is frustrating that you have to wait but there's lots that can be done in that 6 months to improve your chances of being matched quickly.

    You might not even get as far as adoption if this next cycle works out but it's great that's an option. I really hope we can adopt at some point as it's an amazing thing to do. Good luck with everything!

  • Hi there. I'm in scotland too going through the adoption process at the mo. Think you're unlikely to get a young baby as they would mostly be in foster homes but you could def get a child under 2. Don't worry about having to wait 6 months after treatment we only waited 4. Social worker would come out and interview you and be up to them to decide. But we d had counselling which went in our favour. Good luck with whatever you decide xx

  • It was 3 months / 3 bleeds at my clinic. Sorry for your bfn, it truly sucks! Better luck next round 🀞

  • Thank you <3 I hope your wee miracle is coming along nicely xxx

  • I think so yea πŸ™πŸ» X

  • Ok, I see .. That's good you feel free about that. And would be great if you could help such a child and give a chance for a decent and happy family life.. Most women still struggle for their own children in a case like yours..

  • Hey, Im NHS and have had too cycles so far - failed cycle in July, started on drugs again Nov. Failed Dec, starting drugs again in May. Your clinic may not be so long, think it depend on waiting lists in you area and that you should have 3 periods. Its crap not knowing where life is heading isnt it, I saw you post below that you just want to unpause your life, I feel exactly the same!!x

  • It's awful isn't it! I've had some other personal circumstances that brought me to where I am today, and my life has probably been on hold for about 5 years now. I'm so sick of it. :( I just want to get up and get on with life! I'm in an especially rubbish circumstance right now because my work just dropped my hours right down, so I'm like... do I try to find a new job, knowing I need to take a load of time off in just a few months? What employer is gonna understand that? Gaaaaaaah!

  • That's not great news about your job, I see what you mean about moving jobs....really frustrating for you!! I find its the most difficult part of having treatment! Im a bit of a planner anyway (possibly irritates me more than most cause Im a weirdoπŸ˜†)..... and not being able to plan things for the future is rubbish! If only we had a wee crystal ball eh?! Its good to get a vent on here!xx

  • I'm a crazy obsessive planner. Uncertainty does my head in! xx

  • Really sorry that things are not looking good :( I hope you can get the answers you need so that you can make a decision about how and when to proceed. Fingers crossed for you xx

  • Thank you!

  • PS I had to laugh at your last bit about being a crazy-obessive planner...yup, that's me too!!

  • I think we have to plan to feel like we have control over something in our bloody lives! xx

  • Glad your thinking of adoption. We were considering this aswell. However with my and my husband's lifestyle an older child/children might be a better fit for us. Presume it's the kind of thing they go through with you once you start the process?

    I was a bit put off because there was a fostering information point somewhere and I was talking to the lady saying short term fostering for older children could be a great fit for us. Say an older child whose parent goes into hospital for a couple of weeks and they are at a school in our area, that type of thing. She then said because I had a job we weren't suitable and it's not a dog it's a child. Not sure who was right or wrong in this conversation but felt like a complete idiot.

  • That's a bit of a horrible thing to say to you. There's all sorts of different types of fostering and adoption options and there are so many children who need it! It does seem that there is a whole lot of support for it in my area, classes and things - they're on a bit of a kick to try and boost numbers. Definitely keep it in your thoughts, and ignore the rude lady!

  • How rude?! Though I was also told that you'd be expected to treat fostering as a full time job and therefore both of you working as well wouldn't be considered possible.

    But if it's a short term thing I don't think this should apply in the same way. Maybe speak to someone else who isn't a cow!!!

  • I started the drugs for my FET the month after my BFN from fresh cycle, had the transfer the month after that and am now 39 weeks pregnant! It was the right thing for me and obviously meant to be! This was NHS too... The thought of waiting was a killer so I was really pleased when my clinic said there's no need to wait.

  • Hi all - am new to this thread but just wanted to say I'm a social worker who specialises in fostering and adoption (has been pretty ironic removing children off people for the last 15 years and then struggling so much to just have one of our own!) - but there really are lots of different types of fostering and even adoption - you need to attend different boroughs open evenings as the quality of the workers and approaches varies hugely sadly and you need to be comfortable with the fit of the workers, support on offer etc.

    Depending on where you live there is teenage fostering where they are pretty independent but need a nice home and support but if you work full time it is not so much of a problem as long as you can demonstrate you can take time off to attend meetings and support the young person if they need it. There is also the option of doing respite fostering which is weekend/holiday fostering for when the child's normal foster carer needs a break!

    That lady was clearly rude - not all social workers are like that I promise!

    Good luck to all on here x

  • I'm sorry that your result is negative, but still give it another test in a few days, and don't stop any of the drugs until you've spoken to your clinic!! Our first cycle failed at the start of November, and I could have started in December but left it to January as my DH and my counsellor both felt I needed the break to be a normal human for a bit!!! I'm NHS funded but at a private clinic so I'm not sure if that makes a difference? Fingers crossed that your test is wrong and this will all be hypothetical!! Good luck xxxx

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