Do my feelings matter?

So my sister's wife is pregnant, first try with donor sperm, my best friend is pregnant after 3 months of trying and I'm still not, after 8 years of trying and my husband and family tell me to don't be upset my time will come it will happen... fed up of people saying 💩 like that, like it means anything and I should be quiet... I could scream!!!!

Really pleased for my sister and my best friend but all getting on top of me right now 😭 My sister has decorated her nursery exactly how I planned mine and my best friend has chosen a name I had - am so close to both of them we have similar tastes it's sooooo hard 👎🏻

My sister bangs on about how her wife is so tired, got baby brain, can't do this etc as if being pregnancy is an inconvience and I'd chop off my right arm to be in her position. Also, reminded me how having kids is the ultimate commitment because you can get divorced but you can't break the connection of children together - yeah that makes me feel great.

I've told my husband to leave me so many times, he doesn't, but that makes me feel worse as I feel he doesn't want kids as much as me.

OMG this whole journey is so damn blinking hard I don't know how we all deal with the emotions of it day in and out 😭

Sorry for rant needed to get it off my chest! Am going to bed praying for a miracle and crying... again... not sure how much I can do this anymore feel like giving up and just learning to accept it's not going to happen?!

12 Replies

  • Yeah it's pretty awful when you're surrounded by other people's pregnancies and babies. I find it worse in situations where you're not expecting it and suddenly someone announces they're pregnant. For me at times I just need to take myself out of these situations. I can sympathise. My sister and sister in law both announced they were pregnant notin after we were referred for ivf although I do love both my nieces dearly it was hard xx

  • Thank you, I completely agree and it's so nice to hear someone else does too. It's hard being so close to them both but it's such an effort for me, I wish they'd realise and perhaps think about what they say sometimes. I know there is no malice whatsoever but neither seems to appreciate how I feel, but then not sure anyone does. My husband doesn't know what to say or do anymore and sad thing is I can't tell him either, I just push him further away 👎🏻 Hey tomorrow is another day - hopefully I can paint the smile on tomorrow X

  • I feel exactly the same. A lot of my friends are getting pregnant by just blinking which makes it harder. I suffer from PCOS and I only discovered this about 5 years ago. When I told my mother and the issues it would cause, she asked whether I did something to myself and whether I brought it on myself. I know she didn't mean to be rude but just didn't understand what it all meant. I did explain things to her but I still feel she doesn't fully understand. This is a perfect example of the people around us not fully understand how it feels to go through fertility problems. Our loved ones mean well but unless they have experienced relying on lots of medication, trips to the hospital, the emotional roller coaster of it all, it will never make sense.

    Like you, I have said to my OH that if we use all our embryos without success then he is free to move on. So you are not alone in thinking along those lines.

    I know I am rambling on but I just want you to see that I you are not alone. This is the best place to come and rant and rave and be perfectly normal at the same time.

    I wish you all the best and hope you keep us updated. Xx

    Big hugs. Xxx

  • Thank you x my best friend gets it when she told me she was pregnant and how quick, she said I know you want to punch me in the face right now, which of course I didn't but it was nice she considered how I felt. Sometimes though I think maybe I am being selfish, it's not all about me I guess x

  • no you are not at all selfish. What hurts is that its all so bloody unfair and there's nothing you can do about it!

  • Yes I know what you mean I've just had my first fail after 4 years trying . I have to go back to work and sit in a team where 3 other people are due and talk about it all the time and the girl next to me is about to announce hers but she doesn't know I already know. None of them know what I'm going through as I kept it quiet. I am happy for them all but it is hard when it's come so easy to them. I also hate hearing and seeing parents that don't give a dam about their kids. Can't be bothered reading with them helping with their spellings, they fill them full of Coca Cola and junk food and don't even care that their teeth are rotten . Those are just a few things I've heard from some mums last few weeks and It just makes me so annoyed that they don't care about their kids when I want one so much. Then there's all the horrible stories in the paper and you just wonder why do these people get lucky and we don't. I know people say when the time is right bla bla but to me the time was perfect right now everything was fitting in place and even though we've tried for 4 years we said the time is more right now with how other things are in our life. My friends tried 11 years and had 2 failed IVF cycles. They were booked in to start a third and it happened naturally. I hear this happening a lot so hopefully if we can relax maybe this may happen for us . I think it definitely helps talking about things on here as we can talk to people in similar situations. I imagine it must feel quite hard and awkward for someone that is pregnant knowing it's not happening for you as they are happy for themselves but also probably unhappy for you too. I think I would find it hard being around someone who's having difficulty if I had got pregnant easy. I think we just have to be grateful for what we have got in life and keep our fingers crossed that we will all get our happy ending sooner or later. Sending you lots of luck for the future I hope you get good news soon xx

  • I feel exactly the same as this - so horrible, WHY WHY WHY - never get any answers though. I think that's the hardest thing x

  • Oh honey sending you big hugs this morning and hope you have woken up more positive❤️❤️❤️This is one hell of a journey and I don't know how we do it but we all do both with positive and less positive stories all the women on here are so strong..strong for going through this and strong for sharing and that includes you!!! It is so tough I know when others fall pregnant. I am 38 so seen all my friends have kids but me and my workplace is like a baby factory at the moment and I work in child protection so see and hear daily how some people treat their children so badly. I have my days when another pregnancy is announced that I just want to hide but then I sweep those feelings aside ( not sure how) and am positive for them however I am not sadly feeling at the stage where I don't think I want to be around children right now..tough when I work with them! Families also I am finding have a way with words😬mine mean well I know but are very blunt which can hurt..nobody knows what this feels like unless you go through it. I find so much comfort in my husband as I feel it helpful to remind myself we are going through this together and this is something we both want as it can sometimes feel quite lonely. Take lots of care and most importantly look after yourself as best you something nice together or do something you enjoy to remind yourself how fabulous you are xxxx

  • Morning :) feeling much the same today but I do have days like this, I'll be ok - until something else sets me off. The problem is it's constantly on my mind, I could be watching TV and something is said or reminds me and can set me off. Talk about rollercoaster! Good luck on your journey x

  • More hugs xxx

  • You poor thing Hun :( it's so so hard when people around you get pregnant and you don't ! I used to get so upset and husband would get annoyed with me because it was every time people would announce it I would get so down and cry for days .i had a work colleague who is my hairdresser too and she announced it in front of everyone I could of cried there and then, I thought how selfish she was for putting me in that situation I thought as a friend she would of told me separetly that was so hard ! It will happen Hun and yes it's extremely annoying because the people who tell you this don't have a clue what uv gone through or going through . Keep strong and de stress , get a plan together ! Have U tried reflexology? How many Ivf have you had ? X

  • of course you are glad for them and wouldn't wish harm on them but its hard to take when someone else gets something you want for yourself easy but for you its hard to come by and that its all so bloody unfair!

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