Confusing appointment

Hi Ladies,

New here, but could do with some different perspectives. My husband and I have a three year old conceived naturally with no trouble, but are having issues getting pregnant again. We've been trying for a year and a half with no success at all. Went to GP after 12 months and was referred to women's health. Day 21 tests indicate I ovulate fine, periods normal and regular and husband given the all clear too. I had an HSG test that showed no abnormalities or blockages. At this point we were told that it was unexplained and ivf was likely our only option now so we're preparing for that.

We saw a consultant at a private clinic recently who told me that as I'd got pregnant before it will happen again and to just go away and keep trying. Also suggested clomid (despite the fact I ovulate fine) to try and produce more than one egg per month.

I'm really struggling with the idea of just continuing to do the exact same thing that has failed 18 times in a row on the off chance something will magically be different this time. The private doc talked about the stresses involved in ivf and didn't seem to understand how devastating it is to fail month after month after month. I actually got my period then and there in the hospital to make things worse.

Husband not very supportive or understanding either. Claims I'm obsessed (which I'm not) and is generally being a bit of a twat. Then there's the guilt about wanting a second child and feeling that I should just feel lucky to already have one (which of course I do) but it's not the same.

Anyone got any words of wisdom?

RS

11 Replies

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  • Sorry to hear all this honey. ..infertility whether secondary or primary sucks and that's the truth. I find every consultant I speak to seems to say something different too..it is a minefield out there so you in the right place on here for sure xxxx

  • Thanks for the reply, I'm glad I'm not the only one getting mixed messages. x

  • I have and am going through exactly the same thing. And I've had a failed cycle of IVF too. I've been diagnosed with polycystic ovaries and that only came out during my IVF cycle. I'm now on metformin gang letrozole this cycle. Hubby and consultant are both convinced itmwoll happen naturally as I've conceived my 4 yr old naturally. But it's so hard when you do the Same thing. After IVF were told to justbtry naturally for a bit and see. It will happen with time. It's so hard isn't it Hun x

  • Hi, I've been in your position too, it's hard isn't it. Sorry you're going through this. One thing struck me when i read this - did they test AMH levels? That's what made things clearer for me. I had primary and secondary infertility altho conceived naturally after 2 years and a couple of ops -turns out I had scarring on my tubes which was preventing any embryo from being able to travel up them fully but liquid could get though.

    Second time tho it's after 2 years of ttc and going to get tested with everything testing normal I went private and they tested my AMH and realised my egg reserve was low, so I was ovulating the month they did the day 21 test on the NHS but not every month. They tried me on tamoxifen (kinder and more productive than clomid apparently) but after a few months of that not working they said IVF was the only route short of a natural miracle.

    IVF then made sense for us as We felt more certain of what the problem was.

    Just an avenue to explore perhaps, even if it just rules that issue out for u.

    Also, I wouldn't rule out clomid if they're offering it, even if ovulation is normal it can obvs increase the chance by producing more than 1 egg. Depends on whether they scan with clomid for u to know how it's working for u but worth considering.

    Lots of luck xx

  • Thanks for that comment. It was one of my aims to discuss the amh test but that went out the window. I've talked about this with my husband and he dismisses it with "you're (relatively) young, you can't have low egg reserves".

    Does your comment mean that you had an HSG test that was normal? I've had more than one day 21 test and they all but one indicated ovulation. I hadn't heard about the use of tamoxifen so that's useful thank you.

    I've already got the clomid from my nhs clinic but they don't do scans to check on progress. It's left to day 21 bloods and stop if you get side effects. I think as you say, I'd feel better knowing what the problem was. x

  • Hi my story was similar to yours other than I'd been TTC for longer and I don't already have a child. I suppose in a way the consultant is trying to save you thousands as your body has had a baby before if you look at success rates from IVF they are scarily low. You haven't mentioned your age but stresses of life change things in your bodies natural state. I tried the clomid even though I was ovulating fine too. It enhanced my egg release massively so it did do its job I just didn't conceive from it. I was about the take all my results to a private clinic and pay to have another person look over them and start testing again when we fell pregnant after over 48 times of trying. Who knows why this time and not before? I'm glad I didn't spend the money and just let my body do it when it was ready. Good luck with your next steps x

  • Thanks for your comment and I admire your resilience. It's good to hear a different perspective. I'm mid thirties but there are other issues that complicate matters. Another health issue makes it better for me not to have an pregnancy at at more advanced age. There are also more practical reasons related to my health even after a second child is born that make it favourable not to wait.

    When you took the clomid did it work for you at the base dose? I figured I might as well try it this month as it was sitting there and I had nothing to lose. My NHS consultant was very clear she thought it was unlikely to work. x

  • Hi yes I only took the 50mg over three months. I don't remember the specifics but my progesterone reading was 2/3rds higher when I had this. I think you try what they offer you as your next stage could get expensive very quickly and chlomid may be just what you need. Ultimately it's lots of choices and crossroads and Its very tough on both of you in a couple and you will have to go private for the help you may need. If you read books there's so much needs to happen for it to work it actually feels easier to win the cash lottery! 'taking charge of your fertility' is a great book btw xx

  • I know it's not worked 18 times in a row, but when I was first trying to conceive I was part of an online support group for long time TTCers. We'd all been trying for at least 2 years. There were about 15 of us and 11 were pregnant naturally within the next 9 months. It's easy to think that if it hasn't worked in the last 18 months it won't work if you give it longer but that's probably not true and if you're having to pay for IVF the consultant is probably considering that as well as the fact that IVF can be stressful.

    It obviously does depend on how old you are as to whether you can wait longer, and I know it's difficult. We tried for over 10 years and eventually did need IVF, but if you can avoid that route entirely (especially with a currently less than supportive husband) you definitely should.

    Good luck!

  • Thanks, this is my husbands thinking he's all about the probabilities. My feeling is that *if* we conceive nsturallly in the future it will be in spite of an underlying problem, not a confirmation there was none.

    I desperately didn't want to go down the ivf route but I had made my peace with it and was at least excited to try something different. It was a shock to hear a completely opposing opinion from those I'd heard from other doctors.

    I'm well used to having to take medications with nasty side effects and have unpleasant medical procedures. Cost is not an issue either. My current stress I think comes from feeling entirely helpless. I at least felt like trying something else was progress.

  • Hi RubySlippers13

    I'm in a similar situation. I have a 6 yr old & have been TTC for 4 years. I'm in my late 30's & we are just waiting for our initial consultation at a private clinic for ivf.

    We were under the NHS for 18 months - had 3 cycles on clomid & 3 cycles on letrozol. I was always scanned & showed I responded well to the meds but it still never quite happened for us. I also had a HSG & showed no problems.

    I understand what you mean about the guilt :) Drop a message if you ever need to chat xx

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