Hi, i'm quite new here but I also want to share my story. I felt like I'm different from my childhood. The parents gave me the name Martin but inside I was Marriane. Beautiful dresses, heels, different hairstyles were for me. I didn't understand other people. I didn't want to be a boy. My desire was so strong so I decided to change my sex.
After finishing school, I found a well-paid job and started to work hard. Lots of operations and tons of money. Years of expectations and here we are. I am a woman.
1 year ago I met a guy, I'm in love with him now. He knows about my past and supports me.
We got married and now our next step is to have a baby. That's sound crazy, I know. We are against adoption, our goal is to have a genetically related baby, so surrogacy is good for us. The next question is country, we are from states and that's expensive even for us.
I don't want to hear any blaming words or something like that. I want to hear adequate people's opinions.
thank you
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I do not blame. Hallo! Your story is not usual and a bit strange for me, but its interesting and noteworthy. Have you already considered some of the country as a destination for surrogacy? What about Europe? I do not know the nuances of the law, but I think that if you are biologically a woman your husband and you can go through a surrogate program.
Life can be surprising. I always was a woman but also faced with the issue of surrogacy. Long time I could not make a concrete decision. But now all has changed.
I have diabetes. I have long been suffering from this disease. That's my problem.
And what is the gender in your documents? I just don’t see a problem for you to try surrogacy if you are a woman in the passport. We’ve appealed to the Ukrainian clinic. It has very reasonable prices. In your case, this is an option. And also a chance to make your unusual family bigger and happier.
Hi. Just wanted to say welcome to the community and hope you find good support. I can't give you advice around surrogacy as haven't had to consider this myself, but have seen lots on the forum who have and have used clinics in Europe. Definitely not crazy to want to bring a baby into your happy relationship and I know I can definitely relate to that! Best wishes for your search to find a surrogate xx
many thanks, when I was writing the post I thought people would put the blame on me. because being a man I wanted to become a woman. from one side, it's ridiculous, I had all I need. The loving family, my love and good friends. but my life had no sense , the only desire was to be a woman.
gosh, that's crazy, my mother doesn't understand me. her attitude drives me crazy.
i want to have a baby with all my heart and I will do anything I can.
Btw, Europe? It's quite a big area, maybe you know a country where surrogacy is legal?
You can search on this site for past posts as others have asked about clinics in the past. Just put surrogacy in the search bar and you should be able to find some details of clinics that others have used. It sounds to me that you have followed the right path. You only get one life and you have to be true to yourself, but I can see you have had many hard decisions to get to this point. I hope you're family will be fully excepting in time xx
Decision is my second name haha, I was a trouble-maker from my childhood. Wrong sex, wrong time, manners, conceptions. I hate myself sometimes. But I chose the way in my life.
My goal is to be a good mother and I will do my best.
It cost me many sleepless nights, I forced myself and now i'm here and ask you for a help.
thank you for the great words, i really appreciate this, no matter what will be the next, now I see people understand me and it's wonderful.
the God blessed me with the husband, loving nice, kind, sensitive and many many good words. my happiness has no bound and I suppose everything will be ok
I can imagine it has cost you many sleepless nights.
It must have been so hard for you to be torn between being true to your core self and stepping away from the male vehicle that carried her. It sounds like it came with some great sacrifices and hurts for you such as your mother not feeling able to comprehend your motivations.
Whatever happens though, you know you've made it this far and that immense courage you have will help you to realise your dream of becoming a mother.
You will have great depth of understanding and experience to teach your child the most valuable aspects of humanity; the importance of being true to yourself, having courage, faith against the odds, to have an open non-judgemental mind and to treat people how you wish to be treated. A lot of parents don't start out with the ability to offer a child those pearls.
Sending you positive vibes and wishes for your dreams to come true. Xx
thank you very much for the great words, it means a lot to me.
Honesty, my mother didn't love me. she always took care of my younger sister. she gave all her love, sympathy, understanding to a sister. I was like a hermit in that family. Our father died when I was 10, so any support or man's understanding.
My thoughts killed me, once I woke up and the first thought came to my mind, what if I was a girl would my mother treat me like a loving child.
And from that time all my tries were directed on it. I had good marks at school, was tolerant and did my best.
hey, don't give up. your story made me cry but it's not the time for a sadness.
A lof of women here have infertility problems and they know how are you feeling right now.
I faced infertility problems few years ago. we failed 4 cycles of ivf and now we want to try one more time. Our clinic is in Europe, they make a speciality on a surrogacy too. So, if you are interested in I'm open to any of your question.
In europe? far away from the states. probably the price for the fly tickets will cost a fortune. We both have good jobs but I don't think we can afford it, of course it all depends on the cost of a program.
I would be grateful if you tell me about country you are talking about.
I know that the reproductive technologies depend on the legislation of the country where they are performed. In some countries only couples with a certificate of marriage can participate in surrogacy program. Just couples which imply you are two people of different sexes. Sure that you could find suitable options for you in the United States, but usually for large sums of money.
I'm afraid that it will be difficult to do in Europe. But try, actually you will find if you seek. The world has many opportunities for all.
yes, I know. Our legislation allows us to take part in a surrogacy program but you were right, the cost of it is very high. I'm sure it would be cheaper to visit another country and do all there.
And one more, I'm a woman now and my id confirms female sex. So, I am a woman and have a husband who is a man by nature and id. So, I think it wouldn't be a problem. The main issue is people's attitude, to the best of my knowledge and great experience, they do not treat 'us'. they think we are faults on the nature. Or we are mentally sick
You’re right and this fact make the things easier. I think if you make a good plan you will reach your goals without waste of money.
Perhaps several years ago I could think the same, that having a gay marriage is totally unnaturally and it seems as some kind of mental disorder, but please don’t be offended
I’ve met beautiful couple 3 years ago, now we are good friends. They are two man who love each other. They have a child and I know them as amazing parents.
And on what stage of action you are now? Do you seek appropriate country and suitable clinic to try surrogacy?
thank you, dear. haha, plan, no plan. I don't know anything about clinic and country of course. My stage of action is on its slow beginning. All I have heard was about Ukraine and that's it. what is concerned gay marriage, it's so popular here, I mean gay marriage and you know Patrick Harris are married and have the beautiful twins, also Elton John who has 2 children.
I join in all good wishes. and I wish you the same. have a lovely family and be happy. I wish you define the most suitable and affordable clinic as soon as possible. XXX
Sometimes I met the situations when even family became an only obstacle in the way to be happy. Sometimes family can assure us not to do anything by its authority. Family can bring the barriers to the way of our trying to conceive with reproductive medicine help due to their superstition. It happens. But we must comprehend that is our fight, our life and our right to give the new lives to the humanity.
I'm always fighting, from the early childhood. Society doesn't accept me as a part of it. I was a black sheep. I didn't have any true friends and all my life was a challenge. But I chose my way in life. While reading other posts I realized that a lot of women here have infertility problems. You all support each other and I really appreciate this.
I think I has tempered your spirit. I mean a life inside the battle for personality. That was great experience be sure of this. It must help you in future to keep on fighting.
Actually there are a lot of women who suffer from infertility, that’s so I’m here too. And I don’t see any reasons to refuse you in help. You deserve this as everyone.
Seems very similar to me. i just want to become a mother and other thing have no sense to me. My goal is to complete my family. I really love my husband and want him to have a happy life with me.
Sorry you faced this, sorry for my question, I know it's hurting you.
I was advised to pay attention to the Ukraine, honestly, I have no idea what to start with.
Just reading this post and your sense of humour throughout is so funny, after everything you have been through and you can still laugh at other peoples fowl attitudes its marvelous!!! Don't even stop xxx
I did my best, thank you. I'm just a woman who want to have a baby and that's it. everyone on my place would do the same. our life too short, so should do more. Try to take all from it and make other people around us feel better.
We would be the great parents and I'm sure in this.
It must be hard when you feel judged but you're accepted here. You're a woman now and wish to be a mother - just like the rest of us. Not that I have anything against gay couples as parents either, it's individuals and their qualities who raise the child, not the sex or sexual orientation you have. Im afraid I cannot help you with the surrogacy (no experience none whatsoever) but I would think you need to do some research closer to home. If you keep on fighting for what is right for you, you will get your happy ending. Lots of good luck and courage to overcome any obstacles life might throw your way xoxo
Million thanks to you, dear. I appreciate your sympathy, but unfortunately, we don't want to have our journey here. First of all, it costs a fortune, next we don't want to move another state in order to do it.
It's easier for us to go abroad, We'll see other countries and take a rest from people here.
thank you very much for support, the first thought came to my mind was what if all these people will judge me. Will say disgusting words. I won't accept it. I came thought pain in my life, without parents' love and understanding. Even my classmates were against me. Any good soul supported me. I was in despair.
Thanks God, I moved from my place of living, entered the college, I survived and overcome them all.
I don't want to have anything in common with my sister. She didn't want to keep in touch with me. And I forgot when was the last time we spoke. So, nooo
Only my DH will be a father of this child, you know it makes no difference to me. I want to have a baby and that's all for me.
Good people's attitude means a lot to me. You feel more comfortable, stronger, you see other want to help you.
I used to visit one supermarket and stuff there were rude, they didn't offer me a paper bag, didn't help to carry out my buyings, and wanted me to give them tips. Gosh, that's abusing. Sorry for such example.
We have to treat people like you want them to treat you. My life's philosophy, am I right?
And, yes, I have no problems with my docs, everything is ok. No worries about it and my DH is health, has good sperm motility.
I see your metaphor, you’re right. Curiously how you will select your intended donor, what appearance must she have? What method of selection will you choose? : ) I’m glad to assure you Ukrainian clinics have very rich database. Really, very beautiful women are there, I know.
Welcome to the forum, dear! We, women here, have been through too many to judge anyone, maybe except those whose fault is absence of free fertilirty treatment in every country. I'm pleased to hear you've found your true love and you find the right way. Hopefully you have options to choose. I understand why you don't want to start your treatment in USA, I know it's extremely expensive there. Anyway, there are lots of clinics in Europe which would love to offer their services for you. Keep fingers crossed!!!xxx
thank you very much for the great words. we've passed throught everything. I couldn't believe I found my love because life has so many pitfalls. As I wrote, previously, my mafily was against me and everything what is connected with me and my life. I don't understand their attitude and can't explain it to myself. But, thanks God I have what I wanted. A happy, loving family, he is my universe, I'm so glad to met him several years ago.
So many good responses about Europe, have you been in some of them personaly, without any hearings?
I can't imagine what you've been through... and your family, it's wrong. They are your people, they must support you when needed, help you to fight against this cruel world... It's sad they are not with you considering all the things you need to overcome every now and then.
It's a great fortune you have a person you love and who loves you in his turn. I'm sure his support makes you feel a happy human. So your wish to become parents is natural.
I was looking for a surrogacy not so long ago and contacted few clinics. I chose few main criteria for myself and selected clinics according to them. So, if a clinic doesn't reply me over the week then I scratch it from the list. If you are interested in any information about different clinics (but don't forget it's my own opinion and I'm not going to impose it), please PM me and I'll send you what I have.
thanks, dear, you calmed me a bit. As I said previously, I didn't expect to meet so many good people here. You are all support me witjout any blamings. I don't know how to express my feelings right now, it's so excited and weird at the same time. My husband is so happy when I told I found the fellows. When he saw my smiling face he was over the moon and he said he loves me so much.
It would be very nice if you could send me an information you have.
Phew...it's great I can be of any help to you! All of us know what it means to be kind of out of society. No one would blame you here...Please pay attention to few clinics I wrote you about. if you don't want to wait for too long , I mean SM matching, then you could go there. I've got an email from my clinic and now I'm in! they've found a surromommy!! so, it took a little more than 2 months. It's not that long I must admit. Sometimes it tooks much more time..
thanks for information. I'll see onto this site. It seems cheaper in comparison with our country. one more thing is to get to hear of the fly tickets. as far as I know, they would cost a fortune.
Maybe, but you won't pay any additional money for a service. To me, it is very conveniant, of course it's you who will make a choice. I just wanted to help you. Good luck in your journey
thank you, honey, I'll look onto it, probly will find something good for us.
And it's good that they provide cuoples with such services like accommodation and so on. The interpreter is what we exactly need, because we don't know ukrainian and it could be a problem for us.
yes, because we don't know ukranian as well like you. And that could be a problem for us. I'm so excited to visit a clinic. we had a nice conversation with the consultant and she gave us all needed information and answers, but my husband, he brakes everything. yesterday he came and ask me if I can wait one more week. can you imagine, i said no. he was surprised and i guess a bit shocked. So we will go to ukraine soon. FINALLY
I'm Ok, I understand you but as I said, it makes no difference to me who will be the mother of this child. You know the saying, a true mother is not the one that gave birth but the one who cared and brought up. Of course, any help is important to me. Tell me please about your journey. Ukraine, yes? what a name of a clinic, the prices, services, I want to know all.
I am sure that you will be able to find the perfect option, the perfect clinic with the most caring staff in the world. I would be glad to give you advice, to share with you my own clinic but I would have to know some really private details of your life and I do not want to go that far.
it is all due to some legislation particularities that may or may not allow you to pursue your dream journey.
anyways, I am with you, I am supporting you and will be praying for your success.
thank you, yes, I know some countries has not so clear legislation and that's why don't want to go there. If it not hard for you tell me, please about your clinic? Where it is? What kind of service did you have? I will appreciate any information from you.
Rather curiously to find you! Really interesting case. I believe you can write several volumes just about your mental changes and your impressions till this time. Amazing from one side and a bit strange to me from other. I hope you will find your clinic which gives a result. I can’t suggest you anything appropriate, since I am myself in search for proper offer.
I've been passed through a lot of pitfalls in my life. Yes, the whole process of being me as a woman was difficult. No one understood me at that time. My family my friends were against me, even my sister who is my blood and bones, I don't know how they could treat me like a stranger in the family. What I did wrong, I don't know stiil. I was advised to take my sister as a donor but I don't want to.
My life can be divided in several parts, from my birth till the marriage and my loving husband. I can write tons of sentences but I'm not sure you want to listen all this.
I only can try to understand. In fact we are all here to try. You know what exactly I meant. We are preset here in order to try to get the ball rolling from the dead point, to try find better way of treatment or a suitable variant of the clinic, to try change general situation. It doesn’t matter who you were but now we are attentive to you today. You need for help, we all need, and excuse me please if I was accidentally rude.
no, you are right, I understand what you meant. but my life was so cruel to me, actually, I didn't have any true friends, all they were kidding at me. my family accepted me like a stranger, we have never been close people. We do not keep in touch till now, and they don't know what i want to do.
So, how can I trust people.. and here I found a lot of fellows, it's weird for me, that you don't blame me...
honestly, here I found a little piece of happiness and peace, haha
I see you’ve got much attention here. People weren’t indifferent to your case. that’s amazing.
We had exchanged few comments and then i left. I was really busy having no connecting to the Internet.
But I read you get interest to one Ukrainian clinic, and you gonna fly across the ocean. Do you really think that this supposed flight will be cheaper than your local medicine assistance?
I'm very happy people are kind to me, honestly, I didn't expect this. I think they will be scornful of me. It's all fine with me, I also hadn't an opportunity to write here.
Frankly speaking, I don't think about the price, we are crazy people and nothing can stop us, haha, I'm kidding.
We decided to see a clinic for ourselves. So, on last Wednesday we came to ukraine.
Sorry, actually I could look through long chaine of comments and perhaps I’d find the answer
But if it’s possible it will be better to ask you personally. Your mention about Wednesday was many days ago and how was your trip? Was it? Don’t you regret? I want to say I’m alright but I can’t
No, I don't regret about my choice to go there. My trip was safe and I'm grateful to the God He allowed us to go there without troubles.
We were meet by the driver at the airport and he drove us to the hotel where we had some rest. after that we came to clinic where a nice woman told us about clinic, leaded us to the room where we were able to undergo some tests. After that she explained in details the surrogacy process as well as the packages they offer for infertile couples. Then we had a time to think about.
no no, I want to know all your steps.I have already read about their contracts, because you are not the only person who had an experience there.
Well, you came to ukraine and then what? you called a taxi and drove to clinic? how did they meet you both? Did you understand everything? What impressions you had being at clinic?
I’m sure this depends on your citizenship. I guess you need one year for all necessary processes. It will be enough. I can’t say being fully sure because we’re still waiting here while documents are being prepared. but we were assured that all our paper troubles would be finished approximately in two weeks.
I suppose there is no problem with their cooperation with American embassy.
one year? but what if a surrogate loses my baby, what should I do in this case? I know, there is a big chance for a miscarriage or failed try, will the mother care a baby again? The same one or we need to pay axtra money for another surrogate. I'm not an expert in this field? Can you explain me the nuances of the services they have?
Rather difficult to satisfy all questions. You’ll be able to get more detailed answer on concrete question. They offer three types of the contract. Every has its differences concerning to the surrogate’s miscarriage.
We ordered the vip one and it implied that in case of miscarriage we would have a resumption of all processes. And we don’t pay anything addition, all expenses are covered by the clinic.
but what about other packages? how much do you need to pay for the two other contracts? Are all expenses covered by the clinic, in case you choose the cheaper one?
how long should you wait for a surrogate? do we can select the appropriate woman and donor for us? as far as I know, we should do the de surrogacy, because I don't have the ovaries and other woman's reproductive organs.
Indeed you may. And you will have an opportunity to choose your donors
The clinic has amazing rich database. You should be astonished how many beautiful girls participate in donation, you’ll be surprised of their hobbies maybe and that most of them have been high educated. In brief you may select.
You will have them. They promote a slogan «there is no absolute infertility», and they give you unlimited number of attempts. It means their goal to goodbye you with successful outcome.
And I repeat you don’t select surromoms this doesn’t have a sense, they don’t convey their biological information to your child, and every of them are under the same control.
If you are in the program you get messages from clinic. And every month you will be informed about the course of pregnancy. They will send you a scans photos, video, and text reports . don’t be afraid it’s their interest to maintain the normal course of the program and keep your surrogate healthy.
with the stuff, but why? do they know more about the surrogate? will the manager inform me about all her steps? I mean the whole journey? But will I have an opportunity to speak with the surrogate from the first days of a program. I wantto know everything about her.I want to control all things, I want my baby to be health and happy.
In fact we can’t contact our surrogates until 12 weeks. As for us we couldn’t. we got this possibility after the three months of pregnancy had passed. Maybe I explained why it was so, above… I forgot.
In two words this prohibition directly depends on conditions of the health of your future baby and your surrogate’s health. Because the first three months is the most dangerous affective time during pregnancy. That’s why we have no opportunity to have a meeting or conversation with surrogates, we all need to avoid a risk of the occurring of the stressful situations. For sure your manager will inform you about whole course of the pregnancy, don’t have a doubt.
Thanks for the information. I was thinking about this clinic. it seems like they are professionals and I met a lot of people here who had their experiences there. We are about to contact them and I found out the fly tickets are cost not too much... My husband told me he is ready to there any day I want. But firstly, I need to contact them. If I'm not mistaken we have to send my husband test results. Can you name them one more time? Thank you in advance
Considering your conditions, you have to have karyotype test, serological analysis of blood, your passports, your marriage certificate and medical conclusion about what you can’t bear a child, and surrogacy is recommended.
You are going to overcome a long way across the ocean, and it will be better to clarify the document context for your personal case.
Wish you amazing journey and all we wait for the news from you!
Oh, no, they don’t require such docs. I think they aren’t even interested in your personal changes and who were you in a past life.
It’s the main you are a woman now. I mean only that it was more correct to find out better what the compulsory documents are you have to bring to the clinic. Just because I could be mistaken giving my advice.
no, you are good. every person has a chance to choose her way of life. I can't judge them. To my mind, we are creators of the world, we have to be fair and honest with others like my loving husband.
I guess I can bring these documents with me, why should I send if I go the there? It has no sense, how do you think?
Perhaps it really has no sense or has it. They certainly should notify you in case your docs weren’t correct. Don’t think of this, everything will be ok. It’s their interest to control your necessary documents availability, cause you’re their potential customer.
Moreover your husband will be repeatedly tested there for having updated results.
I'm officially married, and I'm a woman according to my id. As I was a man in the previous life so I don't have any reproductive organs and I can't carry a baby, is it enough for the program?
My husband seems to be healthy, I suppose no reasons for the worries, am I right?
To the hotel, but how did he know where to go?
Do the all clients live in one hotel? or there are some divisions?
well. sorry I have made you say it like that. as I do not work as a medical consultant or something I cannot tell you if it is enough or not but they have the requirements to be married and to have a proof of the inability to carry a child.
that's all I can tell you by now
who? who are you talking about? "To the hotel, but how did he knew where to go?"
I suppose not. there are different types of the accommodation to be provided with and it even depends on the type of the contract you have signed. like it is obvious that those who are VIPs would be accommodated in a better hotel.
Sorry if I confused you. I was asking about the driver. I guess he wouldn't know where to drive us. At least we need to leave our luggage, can we go to the clinic with it?
We haven't signed the contract yes, but I suppose we'll go to ukraine soon.
I'm a bit late to this party... but welcome. You really story of how you came here, like many others, is different to the next... you journey you will take, like many others, is different to the next... but your desire to be a mum is just the same and this place will become your second home. None of us would say we expected this journey to be the one we'd be on - but being here and on the journey is an important step xx
thank you very much, we don't know what will happen the next day, and it's important to be a human.
I feel like I found a family here, every person tries to support me and that's amazing.The life was cruel to me, I didn't know what is love itself but thanks God, I found a piece of happiness. And I wish everyone to enjoy the time they have, don't waste it and give the good to this world.
Hallo! We talked a lot about the place I were in, the clinic which provided me with surrogacy. and made my life wonderful. I want to share I’m at home with my baby. I swore I’d leave all forums but register on FaceBook. But there’s no time to creatte an account and no wish to say good bye to our chatting. I’m here to ask you about your current plans and intentions, how and where are you?
oh, sweetheart, it's so cute. Million thanks to you. My congrats you reached the home. Did you have a safe fly back? Of course, you have other pleasant troubles, you have your baby with you and I envy you a little but in a good way.
I'm so tired of everything ..
I want simple maternal happiness, we supposed to fly this week but my hubby had to stay at home. Honestly, I don't know the date of arrival, but for sure we will fly there.. thank you for asking
Thank you too. But why does he need to stay? It’s not understandable, I guess he must to be tested there, his sperm sample will be picked up. It’s so. I think both of you should be there. Actually if we speak about the same one clinic hahah.
Don’t be upset, be brave and you’ll achieve your happiness!
thanks dear, sorry for being absent here. I got to change my tune. As I told before my husband had to stay at home, it was all because of the job. But everything has been going well and we went to clinic on last Wednesday.
haha, yes, clinic in ukraine. we didn't expect to had so much good points there.
What about you? How's your beautiful daughter? Is she ok?
She’s amazing, feeling well and looking like an angel. I’m looking forward when she’ll be able to begin playing. hah We’ve already made a lot of photos but I don’t want to post them. I’m afraid many people will look at her small face perhaps some of them have bad thoughts. Maybe I’m a bit paranoid, but I think it’s a common thing among moms.
I’d like to find out about your journey! How was your initial?
my initial was great. in short, we were met by the driver at airport, then he drove us to the hotel room where we left our luggage and after that we went to clinic. after entering the clinic, we saw the manager who leaded us to room, where we had a little conversation. as we were starving she asked us to follow her in order to make some needed tests. after that we were informed about packages they have. we took a time to think about and then we came back to hotel. i guess that's all.
Ahah, I suppose everyone partly has the same. Important that each component of arrival was at its right place. It gives a comfort and doesn’t distract from the deals.
I’m glad to hear everything was good to you. But what about your agreement have you chosen anything?
yes, we chose the VIP package haha, we are from the states and the sum of this package is quite cheap for us. as you know here, I mean in states, such treatment will cost a fortune. btw, what did you choose?
We had no idea to save our finances we have enough money to use VIP package. and we used. Hah. I don’t want to say everything was excellent only due to our status.
But it’s not a secret we got much support and care and the quality of the service was great.
Also I saw other positive reviews by people who owned lower cost packages.
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💔💔💔💔 I want our baby back 
5 week scan :-)
How was your experience on first appointment with midwife ? 
How have you coped with IVF not working?
My head is all over the place 
