I don't know where to turn. I tried googling miscarriage forums but not felt safe so I've turned here because I know the great support offered.
As most of you know we had a failed icsi cycle in February, it was tough but it was ok. My next period was late and a lot of people said it was normal due to icsi medication, we left it a bit longer before i just knew, I knew we were pregnant and as if by a miracle we had fallen pregnant naturally. We went for an early scan which showed I was 6 weeks are our little miracles heart was beating away perfectly. We were living a dream but only for 5 days when I had a bright red bleed, it lasted only an afternoon and we got booked for a scan in 2 days time. The scan came round and the sonographer turned the screen away and then said she was sorry, she turned the screen round and said our baby hadn't grown and the heart had stopped. I just cried. How? How could our baby's heart beat be there one day but be gone the next? It's not fair.
We were told I was having a missed miscarriage and we need to wait to see if my body naturally passed the baby. So far no luck so the EPU unit hasn't booked me in for an MVA on Friday. I kept saying I just wanted the baby gone but now I don't, I just want our baby back. I want the heart to restart. I want to be pregnant with a live baby again. I want to feel all the happiness we felt. I want to buy baby clothes. I want to prepare our baby's room. I want to feel sick. I want our baby back.
I don't know what to do or how to feel? I just keep saying sorry and crying. It's my first night alone tonight as my partner isn't here and I feel so lost. I am currently laying in bed on my iPad with the scan picture of our baby with me. I really don't know how I cope or how to stop the tears. I want to feel ok. I'm sure my body is going to run out of tears. It's not fair!!!!!!!!
Sorry for the really long post I don't know what to do, where to go, I just needed to rant and get out my feelings. My partner has been amazing but I can't phone him in tears as he'll feel bad and I know he isn't suffering just as much. We laid here the first night and he just cried himself to sleep. It was horrible. I just hugged him. I didn't know what to say or do. I just want our baby back!! Xxx