Starting round 1 of ICSI in May

Hello everyone, so, I'm waiting on CD2 to start our first round of ICSI. Because we're having to go private (no NHS here) it feels like everything is happening very, very fast. I realise how incredibly annoying that sounds to everyone who has been waiting a criminally long time for NHS treatment and I really don't want to encourage negativity- I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed by this new reality we've suddenly found ourselves in and the speed at which we're progressing. It feels like from frustratingly plodding along, getting nowhere and enviously watching everyone else sailing by on their journeys to parenthood, we're suddenly strapped into a rocketship and about to take off into the 'unknown' at a million miles an hour. I understand all about the science, long protocol, down regs, FSH, HCG, egg collection, blastocyst, transfer etc - but I think the reality has suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks. i've had infertility counselling and have lots of good coping mechanisms, I'm just struggling with the, anger (?), that this is our reality now. Am I being totally selfish because I'm lucky enough to have this treatment available to me when thousands don't and would kill to be where I am? Or am I grieving for the 'easy' journey to parenthood that is now closed to me? Is anyone else starting their treatment in May too?

6 Replies

  • Hello. No your not being selfish at all Hun. I understand perfectly. I felt the same in nhs treatment and now paying. We also went from taking ages and endless tests to suddenly you can now have treatment. So it's ok to feel all this. Completely normal. Also I get the everyone else can be parents so easily even on ivf treatment. It only took my Friend one go. While i was very happy for her. Was hard to. I am due to start in May to. Fet cycle though. As we all ready have embryo. So here if you ever need to talk. Lots of luck sweetie. Xx

  • Hi Piglet12, it looks like I'm

    Starting in May too. Best of luck x

  • Hello Kernishp, it's funny how our perceptions change isn't it? You feel guilty for having a "fast tracked" IVF journey after goodness knows how long when most women fall pregnant within a few months and couldn't tell you what AMH, FSH, HSG, or a blastocyst are! I felt the same because we were able to afford to have our tests done privately so while we're having our IVF on the NHS that fast tracked us and gave me peace of mind I wouldn't have had otherwise.

    I've also had infertility counselling. It was great and I feel much better but anger is the hardest thing for me too. It's horrible isn't it? I feel like a terrible person at times and have to remind myself I'm a normal person experiencing a terrible ordeal.

    Anyway, I have been told I'm starting treatment in May. I got an email from the hospital to say my notes are with the consultant to decide my protocol and they will be in touch soon. I don't think I'll believe it until I see it! I do feel after all the waiting it's happening really quickly. I am excited but I'm also pretty terrified. My mind can't bear to contemplate that it might not work.

    Keep in touch and take care x x x

  • I feel the same - and felt particularly angry on Monday when I had my legs in stirrups and an ultrasound probe inside me to check if I could go onto my Gonal-f! I wish I could get pregnant the normal way, this feels very artificial. I'm on the ICSI journey at the moment, just keeping everything crossed that some follicles decide to grow. Good luck to you - everyone on here deserves an easier ride but just be grateful you can get on the roller coaster. I'm grateful we can afford to go private as the NHS won't consider me at the moment - but I'm angry that I'm only now here after 8 years of TTC and 3 years after asking my GP for help. It's a bumpy journey whichever way you go - I really hope it works for you! Kx

  • The longer you want for something. The more you'll appreciate it when you get it. Because anything worth having is worth waiting for. I heard that quote and thought how relevant it was for us women having IVF. The process is long and painful but at the end of the day if you get a baby think about how hard you've gone to get it. I think couples that have IVF have a closer bond with their child - they wanted something that bad they put their body through torture to have that little bundle at the end! Positive outlook has helped me massively through the past two years ... And the rewards are hopefully paying off as I'm 6 weeks pregnant after having ICSI. And when you get the first positive test you will forget all the struggle and bad thoughts you had because you know what you did worked!! I wish you ALL the best - keep smiling and visualise that little huddle growing in your tummy!! 😃 xx

  • No, you're not feeling alone. We had our first IVF appointment this week and are due to start in May too. After years of trying, a miscarriage, clomid and injections I thought I knew what was ahead of us and would be okay. But since Tuesday I have been left feeling overwhelmed and angry that this is the route we have to take to have any chance of a family. So angry and envious of others and their families it's crazy and I am normally okay with that side of it all. All I have done today is sleep as I am exhausted by it all. So no, you aren't alone feeling like it, if that helps at all! Just another stage it would seem on the journey. My best wishes to you coming to terms with it all xx

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