Feeling low about infertility

So today has been a bad day. Had a big row with hubby, he doesn't seem to understand that I'm struggling with not having any answers as to why we are infertile. He says we'll just keep trying but that I shouldn't overanalyse it (or make a deal out of using opks, temp charting etc but then doesn't initiate sex at all so I've got to make it count). My friends don't get how emotional it is, a couple of them even keep sending me videos and pics of their babies which I find incredibly hard. Work know about the reasons for my op but are pressuring me to go back earlier than my sick note says and I the one friend that was going through ivf and did 'get it' is now pregnant and seems to disregard my feelings, showing off her belly to me etc. I don't know if I can cope with all of it and feel alone :(

8 Replies

  • Men quite often don't really understand it and want to just relax and wait for it to happen. We tend to be more inpatient. It's a shame your friends are being so insensitive they probably don't even realise how hard it is. Xx

  • Hi Becky, sorry to read your post. It's so hard isn't it, especially when other people around you just don't seem to get it or are so insensitive. I've just started this journey and already feel emotionally drained. I find a good cry every now and then puts me right, then I try to be positive again. Don't be too hard on yourself though and allow yourself to feel down and angry at times, it's normal. X

  • Hi Becky, I'm so sorry you feel like that. You are definitely not alone, if anything forums like this make you realise how many people are suffering. If your husband is anything like mine, then the only way of reacting is through anger and frustration because they're terrified themselves. It's so hard to try and be normal around people who have had kids or are pregnant. I too feel like people don't recognise how hard it is for people in our position. When I hear people moaning about their kids, I just want to scream! I don't mean to bring this back to me, but a couple of weeks ago I was at my absolutely lowest ebb so I totally understand how low you're feeling. Personally, I just took some time away from my friends and started being a bit selfish, selecting who I saw or interacted with until I felt a bit stronger. I also had acupuncture and contacted people at the Fertility Network, which just gave me assurance that what I'm feeling is normal.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is, you're very much not on your own. It is such an unbelievably frustrating process, but there has to be some light at the end of the tunnel. Hope things improve for you, just allow yourself to be a little selfish and focus on your needs x

  • Thank you all, just don't know what to do with all my feelings sometimes, don't want to wallow in negativity but it seems such an uphill struggle and I don't like feeling helpless. These forums are a lifeline, sending hugs to everyone else that's having a hard time xx

  • I think everyone here knows where you're coming from Becky. It's a great place to vent!

    My sister in law is 6 months pregnant. We've been trying for years and she gets pregnant on her honeymoon! I was utterly distraught when we were told the news and I'm still not dealing too well with it now. My husband's been really good about it, but she's his sister and he's understandably excited to be an uncle. It kills me.

    Last month I had an 8 hour surgery to excise Endometriosis and remove fibroids so the odds may be back in our favour for a natural conception now. We're on the waiting list for IVF too. I just have to keep hoping that things will work out in the end, but this is honestly the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with.

    Sending hugs. Xx

  • Oh Becky, it is so incredibly hard and I am sorry you are feeling so alone. I felt the same for the majority of our journey. We also had unexplained infertility and I felt so frustrated I didn't have an answer and my mind was on constant o restive trying to figure out what could be wrong!

    Men and women often deal with infertility very differently. I bought my husband a book written by a man called "What he can expect when she's not expecting" which really helped him understand. I also saw a counsellor which I found really helpful. So many people just dont 'Get it' and to be honest, I found it best to restrict my discussions to those who did.

    I found temping, opks, etc actually just added to the stress and in the end I binned them. There's nothing that ruins your sex life quite like infertility so try and not be too hard on your husband! Try to make time to have sex when your not ovulating too. I used to find my hubby and I were so relieved the monthly window of ttc had passed that was it until the following month!

    Wishing you lots of luck x

  • Thank you, I might just buy him that book. He keeps saying he gets it but then totally doesn't! It feels like 'we're in it together but you deal with all of it'. Feeling annoyed at him doesn't help with the baby making either! We don't have sex for fun much either, as you say it's a relief when we're off the hook! X

  • We know how you feel my lovely. Stay strong and battle on. Xx

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