A date for M-TESE (surgical sperm retrieval)

[Sammy-h]

Morning,

We finally got the date for surgery which will be on the 6th December. I was on cloud 9 when we got the letter as we have been waiting on a definitive answer since last September.

Unfortunately the same can't be said for my dh. He struggles to deal with his Azoospermia diagnosis as it is and getting this date seems to have pd him into a dark place.

We had a chat about it all yesterday. If we get good news I want to start the ball rolling with ivf in January but he would prefer to wait another year.

If it's bad news, as far as he is concerned it's the end of the road. He can't get his head around using a donor or adoption. I honestly don't know how I will cope with never being a mum but I also don't want to loose my dh. I'm hoping that if it's bad news, after he has got his head around it and we have dealt with it as a couple he might re-visit both of those ideas.

I just don't know what to do to help him feel better over the next 5 weeks

[72cloud9]

It's a hard road where men are concerned.one positive is at least he does to talk to you and has clearly thought about how he'd like to do things.i think this is important as I have the opposite with my oh who won't talk til it's almost too late & decisions are already being made!! Our issue is my low amh due to age & my partner can't get his head around DE so I am also like u facing the question of will I ever be a mum.

I really hope for positive news for u when they do the op but also if it's not what u hoped that he can learn to accept other options. Maybe seeing a councellor would help?

Xxx

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi Sammy-h. Oh dear! This is never easy for either of you to deal with, and it is possible that your DH is blaming himself for you both not having a family. Most of the men I have dealt with have managed to be successful with MESA/TESA and have gone on to have successful ICSI with their partners. Perhaps it might be an idea for you to go along with him to a counselling session, if not already done so, in order that he can open up - hopefully about his fears. It's just somewhere "neutral" to go, to talk everything over with. Obviously, I do wish you both well with all of this and for a successful sperm collection. Thinking of you. Diane

[Sammy-h in reply to DianeArnold]

Hi Diane, I asked him about seeing a councillor yesterday and he said he will think about it but not until after the surgery. We are lucky that his mum is aware of what we are going through and is very good at being impartial and listening to both of us and our views.

Are you able to recommend the best place to look for counselling?

Thanks

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK in reply to Sammy-h]

Hi Sammy-h. Good to hear that your partner's mum is understanding and of great support. If you can't get counselling from the clinic (you should), you could contact the British Counselling Association. bica.net You do have to pay for the service, but they are all qualified in infertility. Good luck! Diane

[Sammy-h]

Thanks Hope. The waiting is the worst x

[lou6]

Hi Sammy, some fertility clinics offer counselling sessions, have you asked yours? x

[Sammy-h in reply to lou6]

Hi, we are with the Nhs at the moment. We have a clinic in mind for after the surgery. Do you think we could do counselling with them? X

[lou6]

Maybe - you could ask your fertility team for more info perhaps. My dh has got azzospermia too and he now gets the support of a private psychologist. We found him on this directory bps.org.uk - hope it helps.

I recommended my dh to have a chat on the phone with a few of them to start with. He felt extremely nervous and I had to push him. He now attends regular sessions and finds it useful - I have noticed that his attitude has changed; he is stronger and more positive. The other day he said 'I'm trying to get my head around the donor option...just in case we get some bad news' - which is a big step.

Hope everything goes well on 6 December. thinking of you. x