Odd occasion for the 'sperm test'

[DanniJones]

Okay so yesterday who'd have thought it, was an extremely stressful day.. we had to do the sperm test which was advanced...

My annoyance flowed when 1) he made it all about him not liking any type of doctor treatments/involvement with doctors. 2) on the drive down which took an hour, I could see he wasn't himself. 3) when we drove to the hospital what made it worse, was that we couldn't find the BCRM entrance which made him mad. 4) we went to the Brewers to have breakfast after he done his business in the toilet but when we came out he almost looked scared and I was trying to keep positive but I felt like he wasn't thinking about me at all with how he was acting. His words were 'put a smile on your face or I'll put this in the bin..' 4) after me taking his tub back to the BCRM we sat in the car and I felt a hostile vibe after telling him that the next we could possibly change the follow up consultation to earlier than next week.. after twenty minutes of silence driving back - he decided to tell me he was extremely annoyed with me that I'm thinking about myself and having a baby rather than how he's feeling.

The reasons for my annoyances is that the day before he kept saying how he wants us to do this process of IVF so bad and it couldn't be a better time. He'd done brilliantly with not ejaculating for 3 days prior the test so I just couldn't understand why he flipped. I tried to reassure him that the sperm test is all he has to do and not to over think it too much because it's putting me off the process - I don't want it to ruin what we have???

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Hi Danni,

I know people on here will message and say 'poor men' etc...but literally ALL my partner had to do was give his sample in a pot!!

The women have it so hard!!

I know infertility is hard for both parties BUT we are the ones that have to put our life on hold and put our bodies through trauma.

Hope he starts to see things from your perspective.

Maybe once he understands fully or starts to go through the journey with you he will understand better. Maybe it is just the fear of unknown.

Sending you best wishes.

Xxx

[Lilli79]

Hi Danni, you're at BCRM! It's lovely there, we had our first icsi there. I didn't think it was hospitaly at all so hopefully this will help your partner in his struggle? The men really do have the easy job, when you're on the meds you should moan relentlessly (even if its fine, which it usually is) and then he might see how easy he has it. Hope he gets better at this. Ps. If it makes you feel any better the first time we had to drop in a semen sample at BCRM my husband spent about 1/2 an hour just trying to find the entrance. There were lots of expletives and grumpiness when he did eventually make it back to the car!! You are not alone! 😬 Xxx

[DanniJones in reply to Lilli79]

Ahha honestly what are men like! I'm at Spire though done the test there. I'm guessing they do the surgical parts in BCRM? How did yours go the first time?xxx

[Lilli79 in reply to DanniJones]

Yes, we went to Spire for an initial consultation but then Dr Akande told us to go to bcrm for our free nhs go (they don't do nhs rounds there anymore). Not sure if it's changed but yes the clinic is at bcrm, I think Dr Akande is head of fertility at both clinics. It was good, we had a successful round but unfortunately lost the baby at 12 weeks (no fault of the treatment though). We were in 2 minds about having our second round at bcrm but because it was half way between nhs and private management, we decided to go elsewhere. Hope everything works out ok for you xx

[Tati14680]

My ex partner was the same, saying he wanted a baby but then acting very hostile. Once he couldn't even produce the sample and we had to postpone the test of a week. When we discovered he was 100% sterile,he made it all about himself like I was not suffering.

Our only hopes were donor sperm or adoption. He was refusing both saying our only options for him were not to have a baby or me finding someone else. He didn't even try to have more tests done to understand if the infertility was 100% or it was just a ducts issues. Played with my feelings for 6 months, then we got to the fertility center for a consultation and he dropped the bomb he didn't want kids and he was doing it just to please me. We broke up two months ago. I continued with the ivf. I didn't want to rush in another relationship and in my country I can't adopt if I am not married. While I was in Copenhagen for my treatments he sent me a message that we should go for counselling to fix us while he was out every night dating people.

Sorry for the long talk, it is just to say, sometimes ivf gets people closer some time help you to open your eyes. For me was a wake up call, about a selfish man that at the age of 43 was just self-centred and not thinking at the family at all. I wish yours is just scared but do not ignore your gut feeling. I wish you the best

[DanniJones in reply to Tati14680]

My partner is very Dominant and self centred it's hard to keep up with him some times.. I keep telling him if it's not the right time then let's not do it now but he says it couldn't be a better time but gets aggy if I talk to him about it. He found out I was on here when I found it on the NHS site about speaking to others in the same situation and he told me to stay away from this site because it's not healthy. ?????????? But the main reason for it is that his ex wife formed an army on mumsnet who she moaned to about their life. I mean I'm not complaining about us I only joined to get advice and comfort because it's just me at the end of the day. We've moved so I have no one to speak to about it all xxx

[Tati14680 in reply to DanniJones]

What I found with people like my partner, it is never something they do, it is the ex,the boss,the friend's fault. When after the diagnosis of azoospermia I had my scan and they found a polyp he said to me "so now we are squared" bear in mind I never blamed him for the infertility, I just wanted to find a solution. I get that them are hurt but so are we, and he never asked me how I was feeling. He also said that he feels for my child as he will have a selfish not fun mum. I am here if you need. Everyone needs support during this process. I have just been out with a friend that made me smile a bit. We are strong. We can do everything. Big hug

[DanniJones in reply to Tati14680]

Awh what a lovely comment ❤️ Thank you! Argh what are men like! They defend their emotions by aiming the anger towards us women... I've learned to live with mine doing that lol xx

[Lilli79 in reply to DanniJones]

Oh my goodness, Danni - this site is so far from 'not healthy'!! It has helped me so much - it's just so reassuring to get some support and know others are going through the same issues, whether they are good are bad. This site is I believe an NHS forum site so it really is the best one you can go to. As well as this, you can ask questions on here that you might be embarrassed to ask consultants, midwives etc. Sometimes you think something is trivial but loads of ladies on here have experienced it & no question is a stupid question. As well as that, we get loads of men on here asking questions for their partners which is ace as it's great to be able to help and also to get a man's perspective. I think it's really important to stay on here especially if you don't have many friends locally. For what's its worth - I hate Mumsnet!!! xxx