Struggling

[Mantaray75]

Warning, I'm feeling sorry for myself.

Seems like this taking each day at a time is difficult too. Thought I was getting better as dropped some flowers in for our consultant the other day and we ended up having an hour long consultation with her. She didn't seem too worried about my age and thinks that things could still work out for us. Felt really positive afterwards and then the last couple of days I've really been struggling. Doesn't help that despite the D&C I'm still bleeding a little so a constant reminder. Physically feel totally drained.

Managed to make it through a week at work which was tough and now I'm sat a the airport about to fly to Australia for a conference. Nearly didn't make it onto the flight. Was a mess at the airport and didn't want to leave my husband.

Hopefully a week of not having to fake it at work and some sunshine and shopping will sort me out.

x

[Hidden]

I'm so sorry for your loss x my heart goes out to you x I cant imagine what you are going through having never been through it x this journey is hard enough x I don't think you're feeling sorry for yourself x you're grieving a huge loss x and that will take time to come tom terms with-not that you ever truly get over it just be able to live with it x the worst thing you could do is bottle these feelings x does your fertility clinic offer a counselling service? x its not for everyone just a thought x glad your appointment went well x I learned last week from our fertility consultant fertility drops off a lot older than I thought x he told about this tribe of people called "Hutterites" who are against birth control x fertility tends to peak at 45 x media makes it out like anyone over 35 is done for x its just not true x my mums friend had twins naturally at 50 a boy and girl - having been told they had no chance x always hope hun x be kind to yourself x x x

[Liz22]

So sorry for your loss honey. Ive been through 2 miscarriages and its completely ok to feel rubbish. You have suffered a massive loss and you need time to grieve, that can takr as long as you need so dont put pressure on yourself to feel fine. Sending big hugs xxx

[Bumpwanted]

I am sorry you feel so low Hun it's awful when you feel like that, it's emotionally draining! I hope you manage to pick yourself up at some point, I know thereisnothing I can say so will just send a hug instead xx

[Hidden]

Hi there. So sorry for your loss. It's ok to not be ok...try to focus on the positives in your life (easier said than done I know). You're not alone. Chin up darling x

[pm27]

Just wanted you to know I'm thinking if you. Having a mc is heartbreaking and your feelings/thoughts sound very similar to mine after my mcs. It's good that your consultant is optimistic. Take time to recover physically and emotionally. Unfortunately there's no time scale for grief and it often sneaks up on you. Enjoy the conference and try to rest when you can.

[Datak]

Hi honey, my situation was not as traumatic as yours but I can empathise with the idea you think you are getting things together, rationalising and evening out, then some how your emotions catch you out by coming out of nowhere with some force. I felt very fragile for a while and cannot imagine getting on a plane somewhere .... leaving the house, the familiar and comfortable... to be in public was hard enough - for the first time ever I felt clingy. I suppose it's enough that you have more good /positive hours or days than not In increasing inverse proportions. I went out for a drink with my OH yesterday evening and there was a lady breastfeeding a new baby in the pub in my eye line ... I have seen hundreds of babies only feeling mildly melancholic but this hit me like a ton of bricks. As the others say ... we cannot control our emotions and it is important to be kind to ourselves about them. We can't always be strong and in control and that is ok. Take care .... I think about you and the others in this horrible position and send my lovexxxxxxxx you will get there xxxxxxxxx

[Daisy14]

I'm sorry to hear this. You know you are allowed to feel however you need to and must indulge it.

I gave myself hell after my miscarriage for not coping 'well enough' and had this stupid concept that miscarriage was just a big bleed and disappointment. I was utterly broken, but as soon as I allowed that feeling and indulged it I started to heal. I had some counselling, took time out to cry in my free periods at work and hid away when I needed to. I pushed myself a little in terms of work and that helped too, but I was very honest with my boss that I was treading a fine line between needing distraction and overdoing it. With that honesty we muddled through. That was nearly a year ago and I promise it did get easier.

Don't give yourself a hard time, ride out what you need to in the way you need to. Maybe read your post and think about what you would say to a stranger who wrote it? I bet you'll find the right words.

Xxx

[Mantaray75]

Reading your posts has really helped - thank you.

I did see the counsellor from my clinic a couple of times but didn't really click with her. When she suggested I write down 5 things I am grateful for each day I nearly lost it. I am not ungrateful for my health (I work in a hospice) and my husband is amazing but no matter what else is good in my life it doesn't make me want a baby any less. I have to have monthly supervision (an hour long counselling session) because of the nature of my job. Fortunately this guy is great. Even though it is supposed to be about work stuff we talk about all sorts. He went through IVF unsuccessfully years ago so knows exactly how I feel. He is also a Brit so understands what it is like living away from the support of family and friends.

I think I need to accept more that this was/is a huge thing to go through. Even as a doctor I thought that physically a miscarriage would just be like a heavy period but mine was much more traumatic than that. I have gone over my sick leave at work with all the IVF stuff but one of bosses said I could take some time as bereavement leave which I had never even considered.

Feeling a bit better today after a walk on the beach in the sunshine but I have some emergency maltesers in my hotel room for those desperate times. Its funny that after not being able to drink for a few months I now don't feel like it.

x

[MommaBear16]

HI Mantaray, I hope that the sunshine and shopping is helping to take your mind off everything. One thing that I've learned going through this is right when you think you're on top of things, just when you can start looking forward and feeling positive, you can bet your bottom that something will hit you and you're right back to where you started again. Feeling sorry for yourself is a part of the process, it gives us time to grieve, to process what's happening and express how we're feeling so don't bottle it up when you're feeling like that.

I wish there was something I can say to make it better. Just know that it does get a little easier with each week that goes by, although that's something in itself that is hard to accept.

I'm glad to hear that your consultant was positive and that you were starting to feel more hopeful for when you're ready to start again. Take care x x x