Struggling after failure of first round

[Daisy08]

Hi I just need a bit of advice. Our IVF round did not work, 4 embryos and 3 cycles but a year on and we are no closer. My husband and I have been trying for almost 7 years and it has been hard. I have tried not to let it consume me, to keep living my life and appreciating what I have but there is a hole that keeps getting bigger. After another negative result last week I'm really struggling with the pain and sadness. We are trying to move forward and make plans but everything seems flat and meaningless. I know some of you have been through much worse and just wondered how you find the strength to keep going.

[RhinoCat]

I have no words 😶

It is so hard. 😢😔🤯😳🥵

Maybe you need a total break from the whole thing? 😏Go on holiday? Try to remember what life without ivf stress is like? 🤩😎🧐

Have you had any counselling ? These people are so good at helping you process hard stuff and reflect properly . They also help you realise that you are not sad for no reason 😘

It’s ok to be sad ,😢

But it’s not ok to stay sad. 🥺

Wishing you courage to reach out for that extra support that you need.💐💖😘

Also, it was just last week, maybe you need longer before you try to feel different ? 🙏🏻😘

What things to you normally do to lift your heart?

Could you try some of these? 🌊 ☀️ 🍦 🍿 🎶 💃🏼 🍽 🍬 🍫

I want to go to the seaside and eat ice cream .

Sending hugs,

right now it is hard.

But even the sun will set on this day. 🌅

A new day will come. 🌄

4 words to hold on to :

This too will pass. 💥

Hugs 🤗

Rhinocat x 😘💐💖

[Daisy08 in reply to RhinoCat]

Thank you RhinoCat for your kind words Xx

[Hidden]

So sorry to hear you are having such a rough time.

I wouldn't claim to have experienced what you are going through because each experience is different but I know what you mean about a perpetual cycle of disappointments and dark times. In my case I kept going and kept going with IVF and TTC because in my head I told myself that I was doing something positive by carrying on and I have realised now buried a lot of my sadness and thought I would deal with it at another time but it just all built up.

I think I went slightly loopy, I know I got to the point where I was in a bit of a downward spiral and TTC was my everything. We just stopped for a few months. We didnt really have the time to (due to age) but it was affecting our relationship and I was in a sorry state. We went on holiday, we drank loads, ate what we want, and purposely went somewhere where there weren't endless babies and happy families as a constant reminder. On about day 4 of the holiday I woke up and realised I hadn't thought about TTC for at least 12 hours, which was a record, and I gradually felt better and better and by the end of my holiday I remembered who I used to be before all this TTC stuff started, and OH and I were getting better than we had for ages.

Since then I have found an online fertility counsellor who I have only spoken to twice but has helped quite a bit, and tried to take back a little bit of control of my life. I can feel myself getting obsessed again as I go into round 4 (I can tell simply by how often I am on this site) but I have a new positivity I had lost 6 months ago. fingers crossed it works.

All I would say is like Rhinocat says it is ok not to be ok... in fact its to be expected. the highs and lows as well as the physical experience of IVF is a lethal combination. Give yourself a break and you will find your positivity will start to creep back in. Grieve for what might have been but find tiny things to look forward to. It does gradually get easier I promise xx

[Daisy08 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much. It's so comforting to hear that it is possible to come through the other side. Your strength is inspiring. Wishing you all the luck in the world as you go into round 4. Xx

[Justus1]

I totally understand. 5 years on and we had a negative today. 2 miscarriage in last 2 years. And 8 transfers in totally. And it feels never ending. We moved to donor eggs and I thought this would help and still nothing. I just can’t understand why god doesn’t what this for us. We are good people 😢 x

[Daisy08 in reply to Justus1]

I'm so sorry to hear that. It's such a hard process. I guess we can only hope we get our babies in the end. Sending you big hugs. Xx

[FertileMind]

Oh hun, I know, it’s really do hard to stay positive but our bodies are perfectly designed to have our lovely healthy babies. Physically and mentally we need to be in the zone. Nutrition, antioxidant supplements vitamins & minerals, majority plant based diet to bring down inflammation (immune problems) reduce stress & relax, (meditation & reflexology) good blood flow (acupuncture & exercise) but most of all a subconscious that’s willing to receive and accept what is, is what I’m learning for me. After 2 failed rounds, I’m finding hypnotherapy so very useful to clear blockages to conception that I never knew I even had! 😳The mind body connection is so powerful - that’s why they use placebos in double blind clinical trials because our minds can heal us!

A few books I’ve found very enlightening “Is my body baby friendly” Dr Alan Beer. “Women’s bodies, women’s wisdom” Dr Christiana Northrup, “It starts with the egg” Rebecca Fett and “The body mind fertility connection” James Schwartz.

I’ve been told that we have to approach our journeys with love not fear. Self love and acceptance so our egg receives the sperm, womb receives the embryo, body accepts the pregnancy and our lives receive the joy of children.

I’m learning to trust and relax, this is not something we can control. Love to you 💕 and don’t give up hope. 🙏 a holiday sounds like a superb idea!!! 😘

[Daisy08 in reply to FertileMind]

Thank you so much for your kind words and advice. Xx