Self cert/absence from work following IVF fail

[Daisychain1978]

Hey. So following my BFN a week before Christmas, I haven't yet returned to work. My boss doesn't know anything about it. He was good and didn't ask too many questions. I have to fill in a self cert. Can any of you advise what to write as reason for absence? I really don't want my employer to know anything.

Did any of you visit your Doctor after your BFN? On the day I started bleeding, I called my surgery and was forced to give a reason for appointment. I was a tad angry and told them bluntly that I had a failed IVF and was bleeding. As this wasn't seen as an "urgent" I was told to call back to make a regular appointment.

I'm dreading returning to work for a number of reasons. One being that a colleague is pregnant. I know I sound selfish but I'm so stressed about going back 😔

Any help or advice would be most appreciated. You've already helped me so much on here xxx

[embiemomma]

you could just put 'gynecological problems' on your self cert. I didn't visit gp, but spoke to them over the phone to get a sick note as i needed longer off due to an infection. What was your reason for needing to see them? i suppose they asked to decide if you warranted an urgent appointment, but you didn't have to tell them the reason. Everything you say is confidential anyway. Seeing pregnant people is always hard, but i used to tell myself, would i want them to be going through what I was? The answer is no obviously and that used to make it easier. Xx

[Daisychain1978 in reply to embiemomma]

I was bleeding quite heavily and wanted a sick note but then was informed of the self cert. It was my first IVF round so didn't know what to expect both mentally and physically. Not sure anything can prepare you for something like this. It's just weird that we're expected to just get on with things, which obviously we need to do eventually . But a little time off to adjust would be nice too. Good for the soul! 😁

Thanks for your reply x

[embiemomma in reply to Daisychain1978]

it is really hard, it's not the same as just not getting pregnant every month, the way i saw it was i had a live embryo inside me, so it was like a miscarriage in a way. I was devastated, and also quite poorly with an infection from the egg collection. Luckily, because if this, they offered me a FET as part of my NHS cycle and started the next month... That was the only thing that kept me going (now my 21 month old) i definitely would have had counseling otherwise - have you been offered this? xx

[Lovely79]

I had the same problem last year. I told them I had a miscarriage my GP gave me a week off and work was fine with it. It can b very emotional. How many days will u be off for ?

[Daisychain1978 in reply to Lovely79]

I've been off since Tues before Christmas. Due to return on Thursday 😔 No doubt will have a lot to catch up on. Just scared that I'll end up exploding with anger and stress 🙈

[Lovely79 in reply to Daisychain1978]

I understand hun. Try not to let it get to you too much. Hope you can come up with something liable. X

[Hidden]

I only work part time for a small business and I aways feel guilty for being off work as someone has to cover. (I haven’t had ivf)with my first mc I took the week off in Dec17 the boss knew why but I’ve had another mc in the summer I was already on holiday when mc so he doesn’t know about that one, and I’m booked in for a mva with this one on sat so he’ll not know again. He’s quite good reasonable and flexible for time off etc if someone covers but I just don’t want him asking me about it I don’t want to get emotional at work.

[jm22]

I put down stress, non work related on mine after my chemical, but I did contact our head of HR and explained as we get called in for a meeting automatically once we hit 10 days,she was really supportive. Have u got to see ur gp yet?I would hope they would be supportive, none of this process is easy especially when having to go into work everyday pretending to be fine, so if u need more time take it, I plan to take more this time after my FET.xo

[MrsE29]

I wrote personal stress during IVF on my self cert. It could be beneficial in one way to inform your employer as employees have rights during IVF treatment. Not sure where you are located, I am in Northern Ireland and also failed on my first cycle a few months ago. You still require a self cert although the sick period can not be used against the employee i.e. count negatively for job progression etc. The protected time period ends 2 weeks after you are informed the cycle failed. Basically works same way if a pregnant person was off sick it's not classed under normal sickness procedure. I didn't see my gp after just done a self cert. I know how you feel I left work early one day as a colleague that was off on maternity leave was bringing in her baby when I knew (although not confirmed at that stage) that my cycle had failed. Hope your return goes ok. Best wishes.

[Bluetop1981]

Hi

The hospital just wrote “gynaecological issues” on my sick note. Even the nurse said that would be enough to keep anyone from asking further questions!

Good luck with it - sometimes the anticipation is worse than the actual event. Think of next steps and hopefully you’ll be in the shoes of your pregnant colleague soon x

[Gertiee]

This is so relatable. I can understand how it feels. There's nothing to feel bad about, though. TTC is a journey that requires tremendous patience. You encounter all kinds of troubles along the way. It's how you deal with them, that defines you. So, remember, don't be too hard on yourself. IVF, itself, is only a way to try to conceive. It's okay if it didn't work out. The selfishness in this regard is only natural. Just try and stay focused on work. Most of the things that worry us are in our heads. Once you say it out loud or discuss it with your work fellows, it should be fine. Good luck, honey. Don't be too disappointed, keep trying and it will happen! Sending lots of baby dust and love.