Fertility Network UK



I've not posted in a while. I thought I was doing OK since our BFN back in April turns out I've not been doing too good these past 2 weeks. I'm teary all the time and feel so very low I'm scared to do our FET round once the time comes around I just feel I wouldn't cope well with another BFN!! I don't know what's wrong with everywhere I go I can't escape the baby talk. I sometimes want to scream at them to stop. I'm thinking of maybe going to speak to my Dr. Is this normal?? Am I crazy?? All I want is to be a mummy is that so much to ask for because it feels like it!!! Xx

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Oh Hope, it is so hard. I think it hits us all in different ways and we all cope differently and you are completely normal to want all the baby talk to stop. I have been there. Unfortunately it doesnt and its one of those life certanties that babies keep appearing! I think you notice them a lot more now too... I know I did!

If you feel you need to see the GP I think that's a good move. I have previously suffered with depression that I didn't address straight away and it just made it harder to deal with. I'm not saying you are suffering with depression but the GP will be able to put you on touch with a counsellor if you are feeling low, and it sounds like that might really help. If he offers medication i would really try not to take it if possible as this could delay the IVF (but you need to feel right first).

As for your FET, it is your prerogative to delay it if you want to or need to. You want to be in the right frame of mind for it so focus on you for now. Although i know its not easy, I hope you feel better soon. Take care xxx


We are planning FET next year. It's like all of a sudden it's just feels a struggle but I'm going to get in touch with the nurse at the clinic she said if any point I need anything to get in touch so I'll see of its possible to talk to someone first before speaking with GP. It seems to be all I think about recently. Hopefully things will start to get somewhat easier soon. The hardest thing is not knowing why or what went wrong!! But I know we will never get these answers. Xx


We all have these days I'm afraid, our bfn knocked me when I thought I'd coped with it and everywhere I'm seeing newborn babies.

Have you called your clinic and asked for an appointment with the counsellor?

You are entitled to see them even though your cycle was in April, that's what they are there for so if suggest giving them a call in the morning and making an appointment?

Everyday I try to find something to smile about its hard but it's the only thing that's kept me sane.

Keep talking and don't bottle it up xxx

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So sorry you're feeling like this. If you've got time to wait for the your FET then do it when you feel ready.

The whole baby thing seems to be in my face the whole time so I know what you mean. I get asked at least 3 times a week by my own patients about whether I have kids and when I say no, they say, don't worry there is still time.



Hi Hope84,

Your not crazy at all!! I know exactly what you mean about the baby talk,all my friends have children and when we get together it's all they talk about. I actually find it really rude and I can't believe people can be so selfish and unkind. Either that or they just don't think!

If you feel you need to speak with your GP then you definitely should. This is such a horrible time and it takes its toll.

Do you know when your next appt will be? Xx


Just need to contact the clinic when we are ready we are not going to tell anybody this time around!! I don't think they are being rude when they talk about babies their children when they are around me I don't think they actually think or think that I'm OK so it just goes on and on!! I'm not part of that circle and accept that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt any less! ! I don't think they understand I guess really unless you've been through it then nobody really understands how hard things can be for what is a simple thing for one is a struggle for another!! We decided to wait until after the new year to decide when would be the best time for us hubby understands if he is ready I may not be. I guess I will see what happens I guess we just pinned our hopes on by this Christmas this would be it we would get the best present of all by expecting out baby!! If FET doesn't work we have discussed private treatment but I don't feel like I could go through it all again if FET didn't work out so we have discussed adoption!!! Xx


Yeah your right people don't understand at all if they haven't been through the same situation.

Just take your time and let yourself heal and when your ready you can have your FET. Wishing you lots of luck 🍀 xxx


It's a horrible thing to go through especially if you're surrounded by constant babies and pregnant people! ! I work in a primary school with young children which I don't mind but already dreading finding out who ll be pregnant next!! When we first were referred for ivf my sister and sister in law both got pregnant that was pretty hard and then you feel guilty for not being overjoyed for them.

I def know I couldn't go through cycle after cycle. Ugh. After having been through 1 it is so soul destroying. It's a very lonely place.

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This is what I said to Emzlou25 as she too is struggling...

I have seen your posts and thought as I am still going through that pain, I would say what you are feeling right now is normal.

We got our first ever BFP and lost him at almost 18w we gave birth. Feeling empty and lost is normal, angry, sad, confused, useless, scared, fearful, anxious, is all to come. Feelings of not being able to see people or be around too many people is also part of the process.

One thing I can say is let it out don't hold it in, so what you have to in order to feel better it won't come overnight and it won't come next week but slowly you will start to se light at the end of this dark dark journey which never holds any guarantees.

People won't know what to say they will offer a sorry or a hug, you may find that you are angry at them because they just dont get it.

Do something nice for your angel, a plant, a book something that you can always refer to. I found after losing my boy that writing my feelings down and saying to GOD that I was angry at him and I was confused as to why he gave and took away.

It may work for you or it may not but what you are feeling is normal.

We have made plans to go again once we are healed a little more I want to be pregnant. I want to be a mummy of another angel who gets to live, I want my baby boy to have a sister or brother or both, he will never be replaced but added to. Fear is my enemy right now but I won't let it take away what could be another glory and miracle...

Am sorry for your loss.

Be kind to yourself and hubby. Sorry for the long post.

I pop in now and then and just couldn't not tell you what you were feeling was normal.



I'm really sorry for how you're feeling Hope. I was similar after my last cycle, just when I thought I was ok things got black again. Talking about it does help. Does your treatment centre have in house counsellors? Your go can refer you if not but waiting lists can be long. If you don't fancy counselling you can always chat on here. I think the feeling that things are beyond your control has a lot to do with the distress. I've been doing some breathing exercises everyday and I've started doing more exercise. It's not for everyone, but it means that when life throws you a curve ball, like another friend having a baby, you're in a better place to deal with it. Hope thing look a bit brighter soon. Xx


Hi Hope - Please don't feel like it's not normal, I think most of us have felt this way at some time of another. If you think it would help to talk to someone then make an appointment with your GP but only to get some support, not because you're thinking or feeling anything that you shouldn't.

I think that a BFN is heartbreaking. It takes away all of your hope for a while and there is still a period of grieving. Please don't be so hard on yourself, you are doing the best you can. I hope you have a good support system around you but if you don't please come back and talk to us here. We understand. Lots of love to you x x x


My hubby is amazing and I can't thank him enough for what he's doing at the minute even though I know he's feeling it too!! It's hard to talk with friends as they all have children even though they say they understand they definitely don't!! I've had an OK afternoon though today trying to focus on the positives a little bit today!! Think it's just sunk in properly especially when your cycle is over feels pretty lonely going to ring the clinic tomorrow to see if maybe could have a councelling session to get things off my chest!!!x


Aw your hubby sounds lovely, they have to be so strong for us don't they? It just makes us love them even more :) I think the counselling sounds like a really positive step, we went for one session and it was reassuring to hear that the way we were feeling was normal. You are right, our friends are so well-meaning but there's no way they can understand unless they've experienced it. If it helps, I miss the IVF process. I miss the routine of it all and the hope and excitement it brings. It's completely normal... unless we're both cray cray?! :o ;) x x x


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