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Fertility Network UK
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how start a talk with surrogate


nice to be here again, I feel like I need to share my feelings

previously I wrote my story and explained why we have opted for a surrogacy in ukraine, but for those who didn't read it I will tell in short

I'm a woman who was born in a man body. I felt like something is stopping me from living a normal life. After some years of devastation, hermitry and people's negatives I completely changed my life I became a woman a real woman and found a love of whole my life.

then together with husband we decided to opt for a surrogacy with donor's eggs. Lots of information, tons of different web-sites and we found a place of treatment.

Signed a contract and our journey has started. A day before we got our first ultrasound, I'm over the moon, I couldn't believe it finally has happened, I saw it,

I saw my little bean and it's fabulous, my dreams are coming true. We were told we could meet our surrogate on her 12th week of pregnancy. Unfortunately we can't come as my hubby works and it takes some time to fly from states to ukraine, so we are waiting for a skype call.

so, the reason I wrote here is how to make a first talk with a surrogate. I'm scared I don't know what to ask and how behave myself.. I really need your advices, ladies have experienced infertility issues please help :)

9 Replies


I'm not sure I'll be able to help too much with the advice, but wanted to thank you for sharing your story, it's great to hear :-)

Also, congratulations on your surrogate's pregnancy!

I guess you could maybe ask how she's feeling, if she's having any symptoms or craving etc? All the stuff you'd maybe expect people to ask? And tell her about how excited you are!

Be honest with her and say you're nervous or you're not sure what to ask...she'll probably be feeling the same and that might help clear the air and break the ice a little.

Good luck! xx

1 like

I'm confused, I feel like I will be wordless seeing her. Probably I should write some list of questions hahah, I will look for an information how to start a conversation

as we were told we would have a skype conversation including interpreter, I wish my future conversation will be fruitful and we will have a lot to talk about.

How do you think can we become friends with my surrogate? Is it normal to speak with her?


You should be sitting on the way of gladness, I guess! I’m confused and I can’t find proper words. You have made a real breakthrough. Didn’t you have problems because of the story of your life? I’m sorry ‘cuz I mean Ukraine has some restrictions. Oh, what a weird nonsense I asked. You are in program and having a progress, that’s the main thing we should know.

I don’t know how to have a skype contact with a surrogate, but I think it would be useful initial experience of your relationships with her.


what kind of restrictions, won't they allow us to see the surrogate or what? as far as I understood we won't have any problems concerning our journey. my manager told that ukrainian legislation is very friendly and it allows infertile couples undergo different kinds of reproductive treatment. It is supposed to be the most loyal legislation. then I don't understand why you said about restrictions.

actually I'm not sure we could go there and see her as my husband will be at work and he is busy all the time, he can't take some days off. but I believe in successful skype meeting haha


Hello! Your story blew our general vision up, you must know it. Well, I really didn’t notice how these three months passed. So fast! Skype is a cool application but when do you decide to fly to Kiev?

Nobody can give you a guarantee how easy you establish your relations with SM. I think she may disagree for the contacts in real life. You know it’s her right. And you’ll accept this right to save her health. because no one wants to make a surrogate mom feel a stress during pregnancy.

As for skyping, we remember our first conversation. It was exciting. I was crying. It touched me too deep. It was really good experience.


oh, nice, thank you for the reply, such kind words.

with all my heart I want to have warm relationships with the surrogate at least during this period of our lives. I want to know everything, I want to know about her family, kids, her personality, way of lifestyle, about dreams. I want to bring some new moments in her life of course if she allows to do this.

How could you ask her questions? Weren't you afraid? Was the interpreter with her? Did she know English a bit? Did you have a chance to communicate via WhatsApp?


Of course I was afraid! I was trembling and nervous. I didn’t know what to expect from this try.

No, she didn’t know English at all. However, it didn’t become a problem. I could ask my questions with help of manager till I started crying being overdosed by emotions.

Please, i really didn’t regret I had that conference.


hi, don't you have an interpreter? when we had the conversation via skype a young lady ( our interpreter was near the surrogate) at first we couldn't find a word, just smiling and were up a gum tree, thanks her we could start a primitive talk. I was so nervous as well as my husband, I started to cry and it was so emotional. I can't express my inner state at that moment. Our surrogate knew a few phrases in English but it was enough for us as the interpreter did all job.

I have so much to share with you all here

I suppose I will create a new thread again


Of course we had. Our surrogate doesn’t know English (just few easy cheering sentences) and sure she doesn’t use Norwegian in her daily speaking.

Actually I also dropped my tears it was too touching moment.

I still don’t understand why we could not talk to her until she reached the third month of pregnancy. But we accepted this requirement.


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