Infertility due to endometriosis, surrogacy is our only way

[evamait]

Hi,

My name is Eva. Six years ago we with my hubby started working on our child. I was 27 back then. Unfortunately nothing happened, I did not conceive after a whole year full of inefficient attempts. Eventually we had no choice as to go to the clinic for a consultation. I’ve been diagnosed with last stage of endometriosis. I was shocked and ashamed of myself, if only I was paying attention to my body, if only I would treat it better. But we have what we have. Even after surgery I underwent I still can’t have my own kids.

My husband suggested we go for a surrogacy. I was browsing the forums and decided to speak up. Is there someone who experienced it? It would be nice to have my questions answered. Thank you.

[Petree86]

Hi evamait and welcome. I can understand a little with what you're going through. I also have endometriosis but I was diagnosed in 2012 when I was 25. I had surgery and was told that I should be able to get pregnant but 2 and a half years later I still had never been pregnant. I then went for further tests and they realised on top of the endometriosis, I also have very high fsh so my own eggs are very poor.

I'm assuming you've been told that you can't carry children but your eggs are in good condition to use a surrogate which is where we differ as I should be able to carry children but perhaps not my own.

Sorry I don't have any knowledge of using a surrogate but I know that it is another option to bringing people one step closer to being parents

[evamait in reply to Petree86]

Thank you for your reply! We're here all to help and encourage each other, I appreciate every single of your words! Yes, we're in a little bit different positions but still on the same field.. But I believe we can overcome our struggles.

Yes, indeed, I'm truly grateful to everyone who made it possible to become a parents to people like us!

Wish you luck!

[annymoth2]

Hi, my name is Anna. Several years ago we were experiencing the same struggle (I couldn't conceive and was diagnosed with infertility), but fortunately we quickly found a clinic abroad with relatively low prices and great reviews. I would like to recommend it to you, if you want you can message me anytime and I will answer your questions.

[evamait in reply to annymoth2]

Anna, I would be grateful if you share with me your experience! What is that clinic you were getting treatment in?

Waiting for your reply!

[evamait]

And... what about your documents you have prepared, were there any special certificates, I don't know, from your doctors? When did you sign your contract?

So there are lots of people over there? Good to hear that, because I worry a lot about going to clinic abroad.

[evamait]

It’s bad that you can’t advise me on a surrogacy option, but I am really thankful that you’ve spent your time answering me. I guess you’ve told me about everything you could. But how did you communicate with everybody, that’s a different country with different language and also were you consulted on a law issue before signing the contract?

[annymoth2 in reply to evamait]

Yeah, we had an interpreter and our manager had to make sure we understand everything about our contract and the whole process of executing papers on our baby, But we were not doing all that by ourselves, only when we had to send our papers to the embassy. Just till that.

[evamait in reply to annymoth2]

I'm really serious when it comes to signing such important documents, that's what I am nervous. I've made few mistakes in my past and to not learn anything that would be stupid. So for me it's definitely some worrisome as we have to go to a new country of which we do not know the law, how it works etc. So. I'm hoping they are serious too with it. Thankfully I haven't seen any bad reviews considering this issue.

[Brottonbabe]

Hello, I can't comment on surrogacy however I too have stage 4 endo and endometrioma cysts on my ovaries. I was told there'd be a less than 1% chance of conceiving naturally and that even with IVF I'd be unlikely to carry due to having a "hostile uterus". I'm 22 weeks pregnant. I guess I'm just saying it can happen despite when doctors say. However I did have to switch off and stop trying to be in a better mindset. I also researched adoption. Keep looking into every option you have, there are lots of ways to have a family. Good luck x

[evamait in reply to Brottonbabe]

Thank you so much for your reply! I'm now trying to read success stories as much as possible though. And reading about such miracles as yours definitely gives me life. Just imagining that you also could possibly get pregnant naturally. It's my dream definitely but I can't forget my drs restrictions, as he did say that the pregnancy is risky for women with mine condition, that I cannot carry a baby. I think that it has to do not only with my endo but with my other health issues. So..

I'm considering an adoption also but if there is an option to have a baby with my genes it'll be better in so many ways.

[Brottonbabe in reply to evamait]

You have to do what's right for you. I wasn't aware of your other health issues as you only mentioned endo but if something else is also getting in the way then you should listen to the medical advice. Also if there are risks to you then that's also worrying and worth taking account of. It's fantastic to carry a child yourself but if that can't happen, as you say, there are other ways of having a family. I wish you all the best for the future. If you want to read about my story more have a look at my last post on the endometriosis forum x

[evamait in reply to Brottonbabe]

That's okay, I wasn't clear from the start I thought of mentioning only my endo as a reason for me seeking for a surrogacy option. I'm really thankful for your replies and advices and happy for your success! I'll check it out definitely as it'll be a great source of inspiration for me on my way to have a baby!

[Brottonbabe in reply to evamait]

All the best, take care x

[evamait in reply to Brottonbabe]

Thanks! You too! xx

[Lady_in_red]

hi, Eva

nice to meet you

our fertility struggle stories have much in common

endometriosis killed our last hope for natural conception and pregnancy

multiplied with age factor that also didn't play in our favor, very low amh

we started ttc when it was already quite late it seems

in our case, surgery was only a temporary relief

we opted adoption at first but it was a disaster

now we're 12 weeks pregnant with our surro pregnancy so you know there's always a light in the end of a tunnel

[evamait in reply to Lady_in_red]

Hello! Sad to read about your struggles, but now you are on your way! But why the adoption was a disaster for you? Isn't it easier that surrogacy in some ways??

I am now too on my tx but only starting. We are now waiting for the surro mom to be confirmed. It's sad that we couldn't choose her as for the donor they gave us the whole video database and we can even ask about our donor's education etc. Why can't I choose the woman who will carry MY baby? I am sorry I am just too overwhelmed. Also for your information I won't be able to see her till 12 w of her pregnancy are passed.. I don't understand that. They did tell me all of those before signing the contract but I thought that it was okay and now as I have told all of those my friends they have said that it's kind of not fair to not know who is the surro mom going to be... How can I control her??

[GabriellaST in reply to evamait]

the thing is that you can just put a surrogate mom through a lot of pressure when trying to control her, in the clinic there are the managers who are charged of doing so and you can actually check the condition of the surrogate mother by talking to them. It's easier and much more confidential. Because the surrogate mom can theoretically have a m/c and she'll be removed from the program in this case. Cause first 12 weeks of the pregnancy are the most dangerous in terms of m/c..

I think there is the reasoning behind this if they provide you with such detailed donor database..

[evamait in reply to GabriellaST]

Hm... I still do not understand the whole point of having such detailed donor database and not allowing choosing the surrogate mother. I honestly wanted to have the beautiful woman to carry my baby and now I don't even know who the girl who is pregnant with my baby is. But I have said the drs that I want the surrogate to be pretty in other case it'll be scandalous!!

And I have paid for the most expensive contract and there are chances that she'll get m/c... What in a world!!!

[GabriellaST in reply to evamait]

Maybe you can’t choose the surrogate mother because you as the client do not particularly understand the criteria of choosing one. And you as you have shown already will base your choice on the appearance of the girl rather on her ability to carry a healthy boy. And as you have said, that you have chosen the most expensive contract, there has to be a line that explains the whole surrogate mother finding process. You should trust your dr and calm down. You are already in the program!

You are not protected from anything, m/c can happen to everyone!

[evamait in reply to GabriellaST]

So you are telling me that I do not know what I am doing? There is some explanation and I was even given some at the clinic when my manager explained to me everything, but I am not a professional doctor and cannot fully remember every detail. Though it states that the surro is chosen by the clinic and my manager has told us that the surro mom has nothing to do with the baby and she just plays role of the container of my baby. I am still unsatisfied with that rule...

But there is still a chance though. of m/c

[Lady_in_red in reply to evamait]

well, you can't control her.

you only can hope that she takes control over herself. she is interested in giving birth to a healthy child as much as you unless she want get her remuneration. also, your clinic's nurses and doctors always keep surrogates under control.

they come to the clinic every months to do blood tests. in our clinic, they do specific tests to know if she smokes

[evamait in reply to Lady_in_red]

And if she smokes then what? They fire her and restart the program again? And what about my money, do I get to get the compensation or something??

What if something like this happens to me, if the surrogate doesn't manage herself well then I am going to wait even more, for how long??

[KimDerr]

if they reached their 12th week, it's very unlikely to have a mc. i hope everything will be fine. 12 week is first very important US and screening - overwhelming moment for any IPs

[Lady_in_red]

i hope so, KimDerr

getting our first ultrasound burst me out tears. it was very very emotional.

well, i wanted to keep it secret but it's twins!

[evamait in reply to Lady_in_red]

Wow! Congratulations on your twins!!!! That's amazing!

[KimDerr in reply to Lady_in_red]

this is gorgeous news, sis. we also got twins. this is your happiness doubled. i'm very happy for you. of course, you will have to devote yourself to them two times more as well. but your reward is priceless.