Am fuming and upset , boyfriend pissed night before egg transfer !!!!!!!!

I am absolutely raging , my boyfriend ( not for much longer ) decided to get pissed the night before my egg transfer.

He is a complete cox when he drinks and there's no talking to him when he gets drunk.

I get he is prob nervous but where is the respect for me and my nerves , I have a good mind to go on my own tmr but it's a long way to go. This has really upset me , it's 2.30am now and he's still drinking . I can't beleve he's done this to me the night before transfer . I'm meant to be calm . I'm half hopeing that when the embyologist rings in the morning at 11 that she says the embies are going to blastcyst so Monday , and then is get someone else to come with me.

Does my partner have to be there?? I hate him right now I just can't beleve he's chosen to get pissed tonight of all nights !!

What should I do . All sorts of stuffs going through my head at the mo.

12 Replies

  • Oh gosh, not very considerate of him. If he's still drinking now the alcohol may well be in his system in the morning and he shouldn't drive depending what time you need to leave. I can't remember if partners are needed for transfer. I have a feeling they might be if there are consent forms to complete - e.g. If you decide to have 2 embryos transferred.

    You should get to bed and try and get some bit of sleep before tomorrow. Fingers crossed you'll get to blastocyst and you can work things out with your boyfriend. He's probably just as worried and nervous as you and this may be his way of showing that. I'm sure he will realise tomorrow how he has behaved and he'll make it up to you. When he is sober, maybe you should have a long chat about everything going on - go for a walk together so you're on neutral ground as it were. The men and their feelings get a little bit forgotten sometimes during this process but it's difficult for them too. Maybe consider counselling - either together or separate.

    Hope you get some sleep now!

  • Thanks for your reply , he's just selfish and has completely ruined this for me .

    He prob won't even think he's done anything wrong and make out its my fault .!

  • Don't think there's much you can do now. You might feel differently in the morning too, definitely have a chat with him then. Is he definitely ready for this?

    An option still open to you would be freezing the embryos, something to consider if you're still annoyed in the morning and then you can delay a little until you work things out. x

  • Hi

    I second what Tlove has said. You need to have a serious chat in the morning.

    Men release stress in different ways and one of those is to go out, drink and not talk about it.

    However, having a child is the most serious thing you can do together and you both need to be 100% committed to it.

    If he's just gone out to blow off steam and understands that it has upset you and gets that's he's out of order then it's probably just a man thing ( sorry but that's just the way some of them are )

    But if he is adamant that he's done nothing wrong, imagine what you'd be facing in the event that this does work for you... My sister had a very similar partner and unfortunately she now lives alone with her 3 year old little girl and the dad doesn't even buy little one a birthday card.

    You have to have a good long chat - once he has sobered up.

    Good luck.

  • Hi Aimaim77. I understand what you are going through. Try to stay calm. Use some breathing technique or listen to some relaxation music. If your bf usually drinks himself to death, so like you said he will not understand that he has done something wrong and once he sobers up, he will behave as if nothing has happened. I've been in your shoes and know how you may be feeling right now. As you went through the treatment together, they would require both your signatures. Stay strong and calm for your unborn baby/ babies. Wishing good luck for your ET.

  • Thank you so much I am going to be relaxed and sty to stay calm today x

  • Yes he needs to be with you

  • If it is that he's selfish... Then the serious chat isn't about if he's stressed it'll be about if he is ready for this as much as you are. Because you need him more than anything right now. And very soon, so might someone else. x

  • My advice is to stay as calm as possible and focus on the baby. Try and put it aside for just now till you get through tomorrow and then go from there.

    It is selfish if him for sure, but you need to find the strength to go in calmly tomorrow and also to try and enjoy all the possibilities that tomorrow brings. You'll be coming home with your little one on board! Xx

  • Hi

    Personally I think a big majority of men Cope this way, mine included. He's also a total arse when he's pissed, and he doesn't just have a couple. It's maybe only a few times a year he gets like this (probably because he feels so I'll as a result) but it always comes at times when I need him. We're 8 weeks pregnant now after almost 6 years ttc. We had exhausted all our options with assisted fertility and he was in a low place as his sperm was extremely low. (Only 3%) and it was a huge strain on him and he blamed himself as he was the alpha male. That's when the first drinking session kicked off. I understood that one. But then as the years ticked by we grew to accept it and sold and donated everything that was baby related. Then by some miracle were pregnant and I'm on cloud 9. Couple of nights back he has s skinful and says this has come at a bad time because we've given everything away and were not in the best financial position. I was RAGING that he dared comment that this bad timing 😡 How can something we've strived for for nearly 6 years be a bad time. I was so hurt by what he said I went nearly 2 days not talking. He didn't know what hed said wrong because he was pissed.i know he's happy because he can't hide it. But He doesn't realise I need his support right now like you do and they are both selfish for using drink as a coping mechanism. Maybe your partner is just scared like mine is, fatherhood is daunting but I need him to be on board! It's like we've wanted this so long but deep down written it off now it's real it's like it's all hit him. You sound like your a strong person and when you've got back today give him a right piece of your mind. This is a journey your taking together and he needs to step up to the mark exactly like mine does. Best of luck for today honey xxxxxx

  • Thank you so much misswinky, it's good to know I'm not the only one that has a twat for a boyfriend . I know he desperately wants to be a dad and he is probably worrying that we only live in a 1 bed flat currently so he's looking at buying s house, but he's nearly 40 so needs to sort himself out . Thanks for sharing your thoughts . Xxx

  • Partners don't have to be there, my hubby was working and couldn't escape.

    I personally drive from Kingston to king's college but take the trains less traffic and no parking stress.

    Go yourself instead of taking him and fighting all the way or having a stressful ride. You have to be there around 12 so he has time to sober up.

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