Will I ever stop being petrified of pregnancy announcements πŸ˜•

Hi everyone 

We had a failed IVF cycle in March and it's been an uphill struggle to feel myself again and to get over the emotional impact of the whole process. I have been doing better recently, just laughing more & enjoying things again (particularly those you can't do whilst going through fertility treatment 😬) and we will be undergoing a frozen cycle in the near future, although I'm not 100% sure I'm ready emotionally yet. 

I wondered if others feel this way..I can be having a really good day/feeling happy then something will happen that sets off the fear of an imminent pregnancy announcement from someone close, so far I've felt this way four times and each time I've been wrong! For example a friend will ask if they can visit me that evening as they need to chat or a friend who usually only texts will call and I immediately feel panicked that they're going to tell me they're pregnant and start worrying about how I'll cope.

I know it will happen at some point (many of my friends already have children and I find that easier to deal with for some reason) and I can't keep living like this, getting worked up  when I have suspicions and driving myself crazy.I have had counselling and the counsellor did say it is going to happen in the future, I'm just not sure how to manage it. I know we're lucky to be having a frozen cycle but the failed cycle just makes you more negative and you do wonder if you'll be the only person in your family/friendship groups who never gets to have their much longer for family. 

Any advice is much appreciated, I know they'll be others who have felt this way 

Xx

21 Replies

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  • Just wanted to say that I know how you feel, I had a failed cycle last year and shortly afterwards 3 friends announced pregnancies and I have been paranoid ever since thinking everybody is about to tell me that they or their partners are pregnant, specially if it is someone I haven't talk to in a while. To make things worst I have been right a few times. At the moment I have been avoiding returning a call  from a friend for 2 weeks because I am petrified she is going to tell me she is pregnant. Not sure what to advise as I am struggling with this at the moment but wanted to let you know that you are not alone x 

  • Thanks hun, it's really helpful to know people understand, so sorry to hear you've been right, it's so hard isn't it πŸ˜” I think the only way is probably to cry in private then try to face it but I'm not sure how either. Big hugs to you too xxx

  • This journey is so incredibly tough so please don't be hard on yourself. Your feelings are normal. I dread friends n family pregnancy announcements. Sometimes they can make it look so easy having a baby when for us it isn't. You are happy for em but sad for you and wondering when it will be your turn.I have no great advice on how to deal with this but i want to say I understand. And that I'm thinking of you. All the best with your next cycle hope it is successful. I've heard lots of success stories from fet it puts less pressure on your body. It might suit your body better. ️X 

  • Thanks so much Hun, others sometimes do make it look like the easiest thing in the world but we don't know that for sure I guess. I have also heard that about fet's so hoping that's true! Thanks for your reply xxx

  • I understand this completely and do live on edge particularly about my sisters in law (I have 4). Three of them have all had children in the 4 years we've been ttc. It's hellish. As Jess says I am happy for them but sad it's never us. Whilst I've been coping with this 'threatened' miscarriage, one of my sis in laws is 14 weeks pregnant with her 2nd. Hubby told me last week when we got our bfp, the poor thing had known for a few weeks and was working out the best time to tell me. I am close with my sis in law and am pleased for them, but she did slip up that her pregnancy was unexpected! I could tell she felt awful after she'd said it and wished the ground would open up and swallow her. However my text to her first off, then meeting up and hugging her and telling her how excited I was for her, meant the world to her as she knows of our struggles. That made me happy knowing id made her smile and she has my back when all is said and done. 

    It's a fact of life I guess and we'll never understand or accept how it can happen so easily for most people. I am sorry you're struggling to move forward with this hon. Big hugs xx

  • Thanks Hun, I'm so sorry it's been a reality for you so many times while you were going through this heartache, I really really hope your scan is positive tomorrow and I'm glad your relationship with your sis in law hasn't been affected, she sounds like she's really considered your feelings xx

  • Hi Georgina. I totally get how you're feeling. We've just had a failed cycle and they say we can go straight into FET but I'm the same as you - my body and mind are still reeling from the last one! And yes, the pregnancy announcements are tough. My cousin has just announced she is pregnant and I am dreading family get togethers. She actually had a tough time getting pregnant herself so I feel guilty that I can't just be 100% happy for her. I think a good friend will understand that your emotions will be mixed. You're not alone. You can always rely on people on this forum to understand and support you through this. Xx

  • Thanks so much Hun, I think reeling is definitely the right word, you find yourself going wow what the hell was that after its all over don't you, I think during you're just running on adrenaline & getting from one stage to the next, almost like a hamster wheel. 

    I'm so sorry you're experiencing that right now, I know exactly how you feel about the guilt, I'm visiting a very good friend & her new baby this weekend and she also struggled, had lost before etc and she's just the loveliest person but I still can't help feeling that she's still so lucky to be there now. It's makes you question what you always thought about yourself being a good person doesn't it πŸ˜•

    I really hope your fet is successful & the get togetherness aren't too tough. Are you having a break before you try again? I'm thinking June but am tempted to even leave it till July, I never thought I'd feel like that 😳 Lots of love to you xx

  • Hubby and I are really debating about when to go for FET. He wants us to wait until we feel better. I am prepared to put it off for a few months - I actually think my body needs that - but he could quite happily wait til the end of the year. He's very fed up with the effect this is having on both of us. I am too but as I'm 34, I don't want to put it off too long, especially as this is only round 1 and we have 2 more approved. Have you had this kind of debate? Xx

  • Hi Georgina78, I am sorry to hear you feel this way. Like you said there will be many of us who feel the same. 

    I have just been through a miscarriage after a failed cycle of IVF and etopic pregnancy a few years back , i would have been 10weeks pregnant yesterday... 

    We've been trying for over 7 years now and this time I thought it was finally here but unfortunately when we went for our 2nd scan there was no heartbeat 😒. 

    It's been hard and I also feel very anxious with other pregnancies and even babies on TV but am slowly trying to overcome it as you will in your own time.

    We have decided to go for another cycle using our frozen embryos however I want to do it as soon as I can as I don't want to hold on to this uncertainty for much longer. I aim to have a last go and whatever the outcome move on with the life that has been chosen for me.

    I am a bit tired and maybe not the most positive response for you but I think that you will find the strength to do what's best for you. 

    Wish you and everyone here the best of luck and strength to carry on no matter what πŸ€πŸ’š

  • Oh Hun I'm so sorry to hear that, you've really been through it πŸ˜” Life is so cruel to some of us sometimes. Don't worry that you're not being positive, I appreciate your response & support and knowing others understand. I really really hope your final go is successful, you really deserve it. Big hugs xxxxx

  • Thank you for your warm words of support. The same goes for you,  stay strong😊  

  • 😘 we're nothing if not strong aren't we! That's one positive in all of this, it makes you that way. Good luck in the future Hun xx

  • It's not just the announcements, it's the baby/children chat at social gatherings. "Have you got children?" question is often asked by aqaintances/strangers and I just say "No" or "Unfortunately not" that kills the conversation! Fortunately they don't usually pursue it, when one work aqaintance asked what it was like I said we'd never known any different as it had always been just the 2 of us. I didn't ask if he could remember his life pre children. 

    I went through a stage of anticipating pregnancy announcements and feared hearing them, when they did come I managed to cope ok except hubby didn't tell me one of his friends was expecting as he thought the bloke's sister would have told me. Finding out by text that she'd been to see her nephew was quite a shock but at least it wasn't face to face and I was unlikely to see them as they aren't local to us. Hubby said he forgot to tell me, which is believable from him.

    We never had anything spare to freeze but I did have FET after my body didn't cooperate prior to ET. It was much easier as no follicle stimulation to worry about. I tried to stay positive for our 2nd and 3rd rounds of ICSI but each failure made it harder to believe it could work. Hopefully you'll get that BFP on your FET.

  • I agree, it's all sorts of things isn't it, things you never anticipated πŸ˜• So sorry to hear your story, have you drawn a line under it or will you have another try? Thanks for your wishes Hun xx

  • Please forgive me, I've just remembered you've ceased treatment, I really hope I haven't upset you, feeling very insensitive now. I hope you are doing ok & thank you for your reply xxx

  • Don't worry about it. Generally ok until something kicks me from behind!

    I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

  • I cry every time I hear of another family member or friend annoucing their news. I am happy for them but sad it's not our turn. I also dread the dreaded question "when you having children" arrrrr makes my fill up just thinking about it xxx

  • Thanks for making me feel less alone button but I'm so sorry you have this problem too, it's just awful isn't it πŸ˜” You feel like a terrible person. Everything crossed for your current cycle πŸ™πŸ» xx

  • I am sorry you feel this way, but am glad that maybe this thread has shown that you are not alone. me and my husband have been trying for a long time, and to be honest it has never gotten easier hearing others announce their happy news- as many ladies have said here, it's not that I'm not happy for them, but that it reinforces my own sense of loss. I have found that if I know someone well I do get a sort of inkling that they may be going to announce that they are pregnant, and I get quite stressed about it as you never know whether they are going to do it in public and it is hard to predict how I'll react, so I avoid going out with them until they either make an announcement or after a while I decide that it is probably safe! To be honest the fear of someone announcing something probably stresses me out even more than being around pregnant people (which is saying something!!) because it's a fear of the unknown. I think it's an understandable fear for someone in our position, particularly someone such as yourself who has only recently had a failed cycle. I can't really give you any tips, all I can say is try not to beat yourself up about it, I know it's easy to say, but I've found that the people who matter will understand your reactions, and will give you time to adjust, however long it takes. I guess that time is the key to everything, I know that I am approaching a year since my last attempt (FET) but I would not say that I am emotionally ready to go through it all again yet. There is a feeling that everything must happen NOW, but I know that unless my body and mind are not in the right place then all I am doing is setting myself up for more heartbreak and it's important to feel strong enough to handle any outcome of treatment. Only you will know when you are ready! It is hard feeling like it will never be you with happy news, but we have to hope that that will not be the case. Anyway, sorry for the essay and I hope that you continue to feel more like yourself :) x

  • Thanks for your lovely (not essay!) reply /gypsygallisa, so sorry you don't feel ready just yet, it's so hard isn't it. I have definitely been surprised how much of an emotional impact it had on me and how much time I've needed, I thought I'd just want to try again asap but that definitely hasn't been the case. I guess I also worry about my age as I'm 38. We had a follow up appointment yesterday and with all the timings etc it will be at least August till the frozen transfer so hopefully I'll be ready by then, it hasn't been a great week emotionally even though I had been feeling better previously, no idea why as nothing has happened, I think you just have to expect a range of emotions at a time like this.

    I think you're right about the people that matter understanding, I am lucky to have some fantastic friends and I know they would consider my feelings, that just makes me feel guilty too but I know I need to cut myself some slack 😳

    Thanks for your reply and lots of luck to you xxx