Feeling dissappointed and angry

Hi everyone. We had a bfn on weds when we tested which has left me an emotional mess. It is my fourth transfer that hasnt taken. I dont know why this keeps happening . I feel i need to de-stress so was going to go out with friends and have a drink, try to relax and enjoy. Im wondering though if i should or if i should keep off the alcohol ready for my next transfer. I havent drunk for 9 months so far.  Just feel like i need some enjoyment for a change is this bad??

33 Replies

  • Sorry to hear about your negative result, it's all so stressful this journey. 

    After my first ivf cycle me and my husband went on holiday for a week ate rubbish food, got drunk and generally took time to ourselfs. It certainly did us some good, we are back on our health kick again now and feel in a better place for having our chill time. 

    Not saying this is for everyone but helped us. Just do what feels right to you. 

    Take care and hope you get a postive with your next transfer x

  • Thank you crazy_cat. I think thats what i need just a night to have a blow out and not worry about things and then concentrate on getting in shape and eating healthy again. I hope we are lucky next time i dont know how i will cope otherwise x

  • Well I hope you enjoy your blow out and have a drink for me 😉. 

    I know I've been through at lot less  transfers than you but I know the feeling, fingers crossed you won't have to cross that bridge. 

    Stay strong and postive x 

  • Thank you. I will do. Its usually me saying that to my friends. Where are you at with your treatment? I was hoping not to be drinking for another 9 months but obviously not xx

  • I had my first ivf treatment January which we had chemical pregnancy/ miscarriage. We had non to freeze so looking to start new round maybe July / Aug we have to first transfer clinics but this new clinic looks a lot better than old so feeling positive. 

    Take care of yourself x

  • Sam!!!!!

    Go out

    Have a great time

    Have your favourite drink with your best girls ;)

    You have earned it, don't dare feel bad about treating yourself well xx

  • Thank you losinghopefast77.  I need a night where i can just stop worrying about things and relax for 5 mins. Hopegully we have a good night. The worst thing is af is returning again and i was just coming to the end so im gutted xx

  • Hon, you have hit the nail on the head "need" 

    Listen to your heart :)

    This journey is hard, you can't feel guilty about having fun, forgetting for one night, laughing, it's a great idea ;)

    When you start again you can't, enjoy it when you can.... I'm just polishing off a packet of mint chocolate biscuits, lovely jubberly :)

  • I had chocolate cake earlier and i didnt feel guilty. If im truthful even through treatment i have treats it helps me get through things. Enjoy your biscuits 😀

  • Had a proper coffee yesterday omg after 2 year of decaf, what a mistake, talk of jitters ;)

    Won't be repeating that one, sticking to chocolate ;)

  • Think of af as your cleansing friend. Rid yourself of hormones and crap, be you...: )

  • Thats a very good point actually. Never thought of it like that x

  • :)

  • Our 3rd test date was New Year's Eve and it was another BFN, I had put a bottle of champagne in the fridge but really hoped I won't get to drink it. As it was a BFN I drank the champagne. I didn't drink whilst undergoing treatment and waiting for rounds 1 and 2 and only had a couple of drinks whilst waiting for round 3 so I figured having a blow out didn't really matter in the long run.  It seems so unfair that we eat right, exercise and cut out caffeine and alcohol and have to go through intrusive treatment and it still doesn't work. Go out and enjoy your night with your friends.

    Take care of yourselves.

  • I to had an otd new years day and started bleeding new years eve so i knew that it was all over. I was hoping to be celebrating on new year but i still didnt drink incase i was wrong.  I think after this blow out it should help me focus on everything better i hope. it is such a hard process i dont think people appreciate it if they havent bee  through it themselves.  The thought of being pregnant after you have your transfer is the best feeling in the world eventhough you have a long way to go. I feel i have to cling on to that feeling for as long as possible as it keeps going wrong. Thank you x

  • So sorry to hear your sad news...sending big hugs.. Have a blow out and release ....get drunk and be naughty for a few weeks...thinking of you xxx

  • Than you for your kind words xx

  • Thank you. That sounds like very good plan xx

  • So so sorry my sweet.  I won't say anything that the other ladies hasn't said already but I will give you a big smile and massive tight big hug....

    When we kept getting those horrid BFN it became easier each time.... I had a measly drink in between cos that's what I wanted.

    We give our bodies over to medicine in the hope that it will be kind to us and give us what we want so on the other side now be kind and spoil yourself if you want a drink have one, if you want to eat 10

    Bars of chocolate eat it, if you want to shout scream cry punch kick DO IT who says you can't.

    Whatever will make the pain subside and feel better even if for 5 Mins then that's 5 mins of not feeling so much pain.

    Be good to urself babes xxx

  • Thank you. I completely agree with what you said. Thank you for the advice. Take care xx

  • Hey Sam101 

    I'm really sorry we've only done two cycles but the pain of the second failure was unbearable ... I can't begin to imagine. Unfortunately (but naturally) I think you get into a cycle of negative thinking and they say that doesn't help, but when you're not using synthetic hormones drink, dance and try to live your life as fully as you can. Unfortunately infertility has made my husband & I sometimes forget we can still laugh, love and live without a baby. I know that sounds like nonsense today, but I'm trying to remind myself & you that here and now is about taking care of you, don't beat yourself up xxx

  • I was keeping as positive as i could this time as i had an endo scratch and my embryo was already hatching so the signs were all good then the shit storm occured! ! What you said is a very good point, i think whilst going through this no matter what stage you are i think we do all forget that we are allowed some fun and relaxation and it shouldnt be all routines and medication. Thank you for reminding me of this xx

  • Do it! After two years TTC and some difficult medical news we thought it was game over. I Spent lots of time drunk and got to the heaviest weight I'd ever been and found out I was pregnant...! It's early days (11weeks) and I am certainly not recommending my approach but my point is that just when I switched off and stopped worrying about being perfect it happened. I certainly don't think a quick blow out is a bad thing...! Enjoy x

  • Massive congratulations brottonbabe that is fab news. It is such a refreshing change to hear that someone properly enjoyed themselves and did what they wanted to and still got pregnant. It is lovely to hear. I do find the medication makes me put weight on so i find hard to keep losing each time esp when treatments are close together. I hope your pregnancy goes well and you have a beautiful, healthy baby or babies 😀  if you dont mind me asking what made you turn to ivf? X

  • I have severe endometriosis and ovarian cysts linked to endometriosis. I still have cysts (6.5cm) so I don't know what will happen there. I miscarried a year ago then got married in January this year. We stopped trying to conceive naturally after 2 years of trying (so no sex), I went a bit wild and researched adoption, as I didn't think I'd carry a child (even after IVF) after being told my uterus was too "hostile". We had sex once in Feb and conceived. I only found out at 7 weeks as I didn't have any clue it could happen. 

    So, we didn't do IVF. I feel like a fraud commenting on IVF things and feel very lucky but I know someone else on here who has just had success after over three years of battle. Please try to stay positive, as tough as that can be! You're fantastic for doing everything you can to say you tried all you could to have a baby x

  • I have heard endometriosis can be painful. Sorry to hear about your miscarriage. Congrats on your wedding. That must have been a hard decision to stop having sex!! Why did they say you had a hostile environment?? Its fab news you got pregnant naturally though i wish we could.  My husband has low motility and morphology so there is still a chance but we just need that one to get there! ! 😀 i think after tonight it may help refocus me better, reset my mind set and i can get in shape ready for the next go xx

  • Endometriosis causes a hostile environment and they believe I've had another two miscarriages too. All the evidence and the last scan suggested natural conception was near on impossible. We also tested my partner's sperm and the result wasn't good. We just thought "ok so this isn't working, let's have a break and remember each other in this". The best way we have our bodies a break was to avoid sex and that mentally told me to not get my hopes up each month too. Then we looked at other options and boom. It's so difficult as people tell you to relax and you notice other people pregnant all the time but when I did give myself a break it worked. It can happen, I guess is what I'm saying. You're doing everything you can but looking after yourself emotionally is part of that. Get that bottle out of the fridge and get all over it :-) x

  • That sounds like a good idea.im not sure how happy my husband would be not having sex though but there is a good reason behind it. Can endometriosis be picked up on scans? Im def going to enjoy tonight. I feel  a bit like i have forgotten how to have fun if that makes sense xx

  • It does make sense! You're so focused on a goal that it's easy to lose sight of fun. Haha I'm not suggesting my approach works for everyone but for me sex is painful so we figured we were having sex just to conceive not to enjoy each other so we just did it when the moment took us. We needed a break! It isn't so sexy starting with "I'm ovulating" or the hubby saying "don't we have to have sex today?" Ha. Endometriosis can only be confirmed for sure with an operation called a laparoscopy x

  • Ok thanks. What other symptoms do you have? Its a good thought to do it when you want as it takes alot of pressure off then. Thank you for the advice. Hope you have a fab weekend and take it easy xx

  • Hi I messaged you directly. I hope that's ok x

  • Crack open that wine hunni, life is too short and this journey is too tough to be a constant slave to it.  My heart goes out to you, we had our 3 BFN from our 3rd round of IVF, and this time has broken me.    It really does take its toll on you mentally, physically and emotionally.  Its such a hard journey, so my view is get out there and enjoy good wine with good friends 😘 Xxx

  • Thank you hannah143. Sorry to hear your news. It is such a hard process and unless you have been there you dont appreciate the affect it has on your body and your life in general. Each time it happens you feel so disheatened that its like another piece of your determination has been chipped away. If you need a chat or anything im here for you, feel free to keep in touch if i can help you in any way im more than happy to help. Got a bottle in the fridge ready 😉 x

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