This has been the worst 2ww and I am feeling very down. Perhaps foolishly did a pregnancy test today, day 10 post transfer, and it is negative. OTD is may 31st. So many feelings.. I am age 44 and perhaps need to wake up and smell the coffee, even with donor eggs. I hate thinking of this being negative cycle and having to think yet again about what to do... more crazy expensive and traumatic DE cycles... and if so, here/abroad? The thought of pursuing adoption is traumatic too. I am so sad, and life feels so unfair. I feel exhausted and thoughts come of throwing in the towel.
As many of you know, this was a disappointing DE cycle with a UK clinic. From 15 frozen eggs, we have 2 'fair' embryos (BC) on day 6. We were devastated by this especially after the truly huge expense! Nothing in the freezer. I particularly went with a UK clnic because of the good stats,expecting one excellent transfer and 3 in freezer. Plus I was keen to have a non-anonymous donor in case our child wanted to contact their donor. Now I feel stupid, that we should have considered this 'disaster' scenario more carefully, and just gone abroad, where it is so much cheaper, fresh egg cycles and even packages where if after 3 rounds you are unsuccessful they give you a refund.
It is really hard to think of going through this again. I am finding all the injections really hard too. I am on lentogest intramuscular to my bottom which has been really sore at times, lubrion twice daily to my tummy on the days I am not doing lentogest, with of course the clexane (which I find much worse than the lubrion.. I think the needle on it is not great). My tummy is a bruised battlefield. The problem is, in my negative state, it all feels like 'pissing in the wind' and it will all come back negative anyway.
I feel friends/work colleagues are looking at me and thinking we are obsessed and mad.
Sorry for such a gloomy post. I am still try to keep hope alive for this transfer, but even that makes me feel upset... remembering previous cycles where I was in this position of keeping hope alive.. and it was negative.