Feeling low

[SarG74]

Feeling low. I'm 42 almost and just had our first round of unsuccessful IVF. It's heartbreaking when it fails isn't it . I already have a 14 year old daughter but just feel guilty I'm stopping my partner from being a dad. They said its downto lack of quality eggs. Any advice anyone I can't get through the day without crying

[Hidden]

Hey, in 38 and was told our first round failed due to egg quality. I didn't months taking royal jelly, maca, dong quai and acupuncture. I cut out white sugar and chocolate. We did the second extraction and the quality was a little better.

BUT

The embryologist clarified the issue wasn't just the eggs it was what happened when the egg and sperm unite. It could be to do with sperm fragmentation too.

She also said what you do three months before extraction affects the quality, and each cycle can produce different quality eggs

Don't despair, I was also told that the first time is a test, there is allot to learn.

I bought the book " it starts with the egg " off Amazon, everyone raves about it. I only read a couple of chapters and gave up.

I truly believe Ivf is a chance , lots of variables and unknowns, you do what you can.

Please don't blame yourself, it's a bad path to choose, I did then realised, in doing everything I can to have a child as is hubby. Neither of us are guilty. We are fine just the way we are.

Fingers and toes crossed for your next try

By the way, crying us healthy, it cleanses, gets rid of the awful feelings. You go through loads each cycle with hormones and stress, be good to yourself. You are an amazing string wonderful person and you partner will see that too with our without the added bonus of a little one xx

[SarG74 in reply to Hidden]

Yes I've started on Royal jelly and a few others. Going to start exercising more for blood flow and am cutting out sugar I must admit I've stuffed myself with biscuits, cakes etc through this as a comfort . It's just so so hard isn't it ?

[Hidden in reply to SarG74]

He he he, I had a whole box of ferrero rocher 2 days ago whilst watching downton Abby.

Couldn't resist!

I believe you have to treat yourself too.

I started walking with the dog daily, bought a really cheap mp3 player put loads of positive songs in it and off we trotted.

The other downer is the weight gain. I've put on 4 kilos in 2 tries with all the walking included, imagine without it.

You must have to be kind to yourself and realistic. The hormones are awful and do knock everything out of proportion.

My moto is, hubby and I are like strawberries. Great on their own.

Nicer with cream or ice cream but lovely without too.

So, I'd love a baby, we'd be great parents, but if I can't have one, what I do have is great.

Fingers crossed for you lovely.

[Hidden]

We just had our first failed cycle so know how you feel. I also took all the vitamins, no caffeine,no alcohol, Acupunture, gym & swimming etc. I agree that it's a total lottery. I am 36 and have got low amh, we do have another NHS round if that fails we will be either looking at donner eggs or adoption I have started reading and researching into both areas xxx

[anna0908]

Failed attempts are heartbreaking. I've had 2 and have found it hard to pick myself up both times. I know we have a limit to how many attempts we can try both emotionally and financially and on many days I feel it's not going to work however much we try. I think the only the thing I can advise is to keep talking to your partner. Does he know you feel guilty? I met my dh in my mid 30's and we both know the big prize was finding each other. We desperately want to be parents but if it's not meant to be, we both feel so grateful to have met each other and know this will carry us through. I'm crying lots but know I am grieving and I am starting to pick myself up again. It is normal to feel low especially so soon after a bfn. Be kind to yourself and give yourself some time to recover xxx

[abbie103]

IT is heartbreaking I was okay all through my Ivf I thought my Ivf would work and I didn't prepair for the worst so when it did fail I was so low and down, I have good eggs and my embyro was good quality so I didn't accept why it failed for such a while I think my uterus isn't the best, don't worry to much about your eggs Hun people with not so good eggs Do still have successful pregnancies, have u gt any frozen xxxx

[SarG74 in reply to abbie103]

No none frozen so have to start the process again so now have to find the money as well! So so hard X

[fertmag]

Hi sarG74, so sorry you weren't successful with this cycle. I remember our first ICSI cycle after being told we had 'unexplained' (most useless diagnosis ever!), we were so optimistic, then it wasn't successful. We were gutted and I was 41. You may want to look into acupuncture - did you do it this round? It can help with egg quality but is also a good way to relax and de-stress, and doing it immediately prior to embryo transfer and after embryo transfer, is also thought to improve implantation. But as others have said, for every person this works for, there'll be someone it didn't! Because we're all different, there is no one size. It is so important you talk to your partner and dont bottle it up - no matter how close we are to them, we cant read their minds. You feel guilty ( I did) but I bet he wouldnt want you to feel guilty. Talk, talk and keep talking to each other. Be nice to yourself to - you've been through alot. Good luck Hun xx

[SarG74 in reply to fertmag]

Thank you X have you been successful?

[fertmag in reply to SarG74]

We were finally successful. Because I was 41 and it was unexplained (although we did PGD and embies were poor quality, only 1 was normal) egg quality was blamed, so for 6 months I did TCM, didnt get pregnant, so for a couple more years we tried naturally, ate organic, hardly drank, etc etc. So at 45 & still no sign of a pregnancy, we looked into Donor egg. It wasnt a quick decision, altho DE had been in our minds since our first failed cycle, but I was always comfortable with it because it would be my body growing the baby, nurturing it, feeling it kick and giving birth, so I always felt even if we had a baby with DE, the baby would totally and utterly be mine. Our first DEICSI cycle ended in a miscarriage at 6.5 wks - totally surprised that I even got pregnant. Did some research and decided to have some immune and thrombophilia tests done as this is a common cause of implantation failure & early miscarriage, results were all negative, but the miscarriage consultant (Mr Shehata) put me on the drugs as if I did have an issue for our next DEICSI cycle - and our daughter is now 5! People who dont know comment on how much she looks like me and she even has my mannerisms, poor child! Who knows if these drugs made a difference (I think they did). I interviewed Mr Shehata recently and he said often with secondary infertility, the issue is an immune one - the first pregnancy is fine but subsequent ones are affected.

I hope this has helped, its a very personal decision and not one you make over night. If you do decide to consider DE, look at the Donor Conception Network.

Wishing you all the best xxx