So close to loosing all hope

So as some will know, we haven't been allowed to start icsi again til Jan. The problem now is my partners business is so incredibly slow, the whole industry has taken a battering. Problem now is I'm worried that if things don't pick up asap we'll have no option but to use the last of our savings to live on over Dec/Jan (we had to use a lot when my partner needed time off after our daughter died, then some agencies wouldn't take him back in fear it was too early and he'd need evac which is expensive, so he's not worked much since) therefore if it continues like this we won't be able to try again til god knows when. I'm so so sad. It wasn't supposed to be this way, our little girl was supposed to be born in a few weeks with a savings account to buy her pretty things. Now we may not even have savings before long. How did things get so very very bad 😢. I fear I'm still no where near ready for my old job (children's hairdresser), and finding a new one is tricky, will have to explain my sick leave......crying in an interview probably isn't helpful to my cause, so work for me is also tough. I'd hoped to have started treatment and maybe even got a bfp before my sick leave expires for a bit of hope for the future. I know I'll be scared, but scared with hope is better than the nothingness.

Sorry for the depressive rant, just difficult to explain this stuff to people. Family and friends get weird about trying again (one suggested we just try naturally, damm, I'd never thought of that!), and the parents from SANDS group who have lost babies are amazing, but they don't get this side of things and talk of ttc is often not appropriate.

Again, apologies for the rant, I'm just feeling so helpless 😢

12 Replies

  • I wish I could say something to make it all better for you. I wanted you to know I'm thinking of you.

    Worries about money and jobs on top of your losses must be really hard and it's easy to give up hope.

    Sending you a virtual hug.

  • Thank you, so very thoughtful and kind of you! Other half just got told me a possible job, but possibly for the whole of December. So the decision will be to stay and hope something else comes up, or be apart and both alone for our daughters due date and Christmas a week later. Hard not to think what we've done to deserve this at times xx

  • Oh honey, rant all you need to. We all need to, that's why we are here, to task to other women who get it :)

    Have faith

    The advice about trying naturally, wow wish I'd thought of that!! ;)

  • Thank you, bless you for listening and taking the time to reply. The isolation makes it all the harder to bare doesn't it xx

  • Rant away, im so sorry for all that you are going through, try to stay positive that a solution will arrive. Its hard going through these painful experiences.

    My husband works a way from home a lot which adds to the pressure but you guys need to do whatever you can to give yourselves every chance.

    Wishing you both lots of luck and happier times to come xx

  • Thank you for your reply, it's hard with them being away isn't it. OH is in the oil and gas industry, so it's on average 4+wks at a time, but you never really know when they're coming or going which made the Ivf planning pretty difficult. Even now we're scared that come January he'll have to go away so miss our cycle. I have an interview and trades test tomorrow. I'm petrified. I don't feel ready, but we have little choice now. My OH is trying pm hard to find work,we've just random temp work, anything to tide us over, but coming up empty handed. Being told you're too qualified is a kick in the teeth isn't it!

    Anyway, thank you again for taking the time to reply, helps knowing there's someone who can empathise xx

  • Hey lady

    Have faith it will all

    Work out 😘

  • Hey tamtam1, thanks for replying. Sorry so late responding, god awful week! Went to interview and trades test for other job. Legally I had to explain my sick leave which I completely understand and expected. What I didn't was the minute she found out Annabelle died and we have no other living children, was her attitude to change and be bombarded with questions as to when we will try again because she wouldn't want to pay me any maternity pay. I was quizzed several times as to when and how I would try again, even after paying it's not something we're thinking about right now. The last questioning I couldn't contain it, so in response to her saying are you going to come in pregnant soon, I snapped. I calmly replied, no because we can't try naturally so you don't need to worry about that. Insult to injury she then started asking if we'd had treatment and should think about adoption. During an interview and trades test!!!!! Needless to say I'm not taking the job with her. I can only assume she's lucky enough to have not suffered child loss or infertility to be so personal and illegally question someone within 5 minutes of meeting them.

    We usually say hope now as opposed to faith. We said faith for nearly a decade, and my other half was adamant if it were a girl (which he was sure she was from the get go), her middle name was to a faith. And so when Annabelle was born if immediately said her middle name was still to be faith, I guess we'll always have our little bit of faith with us. I hope one day the sting of hearing it will fade and we'll be able to say it again without stinging quite so much

    Thanks again to you all xx

  • Hey you

    You know faith hope it's really all luck....

    Now that silly stupid B***h has no idea of pain and heartache it sounds and is completely inconsiderate.

    You hold on to whatever keeps you going hopefully one day you will look back and say it's all worth it.

    As for Annabelle she's an angel watching you 😘

  • I know, bloody luck, it's a scary thought isn't it! I'm petrified something will get in the way of starting treatment come January. Honestly, starting treatment is the only thing getting me through at the moment. We've still got Annabelle's due date and Christmas to contend with. This sucks! Xxx

  • Hey lady

    Light a candle for her.

    Massive hugs xx

  • Please don't lose hope. No one deserves to be losing hope. You've got this. We are in this together, to keep trying for better or for worse!

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