What to do next?

I've just had first cycle of ICSI and get BFN. So disappointed and really feel like a total failure. Only just found this site and feel less alone after reading all of the posts! Why is life so unfair to us all???

Went to clinic last week and found out about blood texts that you can have to check for implantation failure. Has anyone else had these done? Feel like I want to know reason behind failed attempt and if we try again least we will know that everything is ok. But it's a lot of money for peace of mind.

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  • Hi Katy79, I'm similarly coming to terms with first failed cycle of IVF (though not ICSI) and wondering what to do next. I have a follow-up consult at the clinic next week so am hoping they can give me some guidance. I hear about all sorts of tests and problems there might be, but don't know whether to go ahead and test for them - everything costs so much and it's hard to know what to do!

  • I know! It's what we all want but the price is huge! Hope you get some answers or advice when you go for your appointment.

    It's lovely to know I'm not the only one going through this.

  • Yes, it's been so reassuring to read that other people are going through this too and know what it's like. I don't think people who've not been through it have any idea. We are not alone!

  • Soooo true! X

  • We are certainly not alone ladies and it is such an awful club to be a part of 😞. I'm so sorry to hear you both had failed cycles. I too had my first round of IVF in August but didn't even make it to the test date 😞. It's so heartbreaking and you do feel helpless and like a failure. We had our follow up appointment and the doctor said we have great eggs and sperm so i can't help feeling it must be an implantation problem. I drove the doctor a little bit mad I think asking about extra tests and staying I am not satisfied with the term 'unexplained infertility' and in the end he sent me for a number of extra blood tests and another exploratory scan. I haven't had the results yet and don't even know what he was testing for exactly but I feel more investigation needs to be done before just launching into the next cycle.

    I wish you both luck on your journeys and please take comfort in knowing you are certainly not alone. XXXX

  • Hi daisy-Mae I'm with u Hun . I say the same thing before we all should do more investigating after BPN . I had my cycle in March ...but didn't work πŸ˜” My hubby is good ...the only problem I got is that I have only one tube left . In begging december it going to be a year since we being trying in normal way ...having IVF cycle on way and still nothing πŸ˜” I request dye test to see how "my tube is doing"...it was great to see that is good πŸ˜ƒ I spoke with my GP going thru my test I had done before about NK cells test. She told me straight forward I don't need by looking on my tests . I don't have thyroid and fibroid which is good thing . Then what ales I should do ...then jump straight to next cycle ... I rather have that peace in my mind ....but I feel like the only way is IVF ...knowing that I'm all good I having being offer to try IUI treatment ... I know IUI is not us succesfull like IVF but maybe sometimes that all we need ... IVF is so expensive and "is ok sending us thru that many many times "..saying is implantation problem ... I think behind every fertility problem is answers ...always and I believe behind unsuccessful cycle is a answer too ... Xxx

  • I agree and it's just so awful feeling so helpless and not knowing what to do for the best. Stay strong and we won't give up xxx

  • Thanks Daisy-Mae it's comforting to know that people are feeling exactly like me and that I'm not cracking up its "normal!" I too had good eggs and sperm and they had no idea why it failed. Think you did brilliantly with asking all the questions and getting tests done - Ill have to use this approach next time too ☺

    Good luck for the results hope they give more hope for the future x

  • I think you should!! I'm not an assertive person at all and normally happlily go with the flow but this is too important. The doctor did annoy me slightly when he said in his experience the couples who are more relaxed and chilled out tend to be successful!! I had to remind him this is all a very stressful process and I would love to be relaxed and chilled and meditate all day but unfortunately I have a job to do and bills to pay!! I think he was happy to see the back of me at the end of the appointment! 😳😳

  • I'm definitely using this approach next time! Go girl!!! πŸ˜€πŸ˜€

  • Sorry to hear this round didn't work. There often doesn't seem to be a concrete medical reason for failure.

    We decided against further testing as I had had most of them done after 2 miscarriages from natural conception, nothing was found first time and they were really expensive so we couldn't see the point of testing again.

    They might adjust your protocol for next time,mouth be prepared for the "Don't know" response to your questions.

  • Hi pm27 that the most annoying bit when u ask them why didn't work... And the answers is "we don't know"... But next time we gonna do different ... Like they told me saying that they going to increase dose to 220iu use endo scratch and embryo glue . "It will happen this time".. xx

  • Hi katy79, Sorry to hear this. Did you get any frozen embryos this round? Our first cycle failed but our FET was successful, just found out yesterday. We transferred from NHS to a private clinic for the second round. We also had ICSI and had some sperm retreival strands in reserve from that.

    Sounds like you are already private, so you should be able to start another cycle fairly soon without a long wait. They don't always know why, there are useful stats of all UK clinics on the HFEA website. After our first one failed we went on a short holiday and it sounds obvious but it really did help to end that chapter and renew us for the next try. Best wishes & hugs, xxx

  • Huge congratulations on your positive result. I'm really happy for you.

    Good news stories do help to keep you positive. We've got two frozen embryos so going to use those in the new year. Just taking some time out to get over it all physically and emotionally. Good luck πŸ˜€

  • Hi Katy, I know how you feel as my first cycle of IVF has just been stopped. I can identify with the feelings of failure but I think we will all go mad unless we find a way to get rid of them! Does your clinic offer follow up appointments? If not I think you should try for one. We have ours tomorrow and we are going to ask for counselling. You're right that knowing more might help how you feel.

  • I hope your follow up appointment gave you some hope for the future. Two weeks have passed for me since BFN and I am slowly starting to come to terms with it. Emotions still everywhere but getting a bit better every day. I hope you are too. Stay strong.

  • Sorry to hear your cycle failed. I can empathise as I've also just been through my second failed cycle, My test date was last Friday but I already knew last weekend that it had failed :( We went through our first cycle in March this year and exactly the same happened so when I have my follow up in a couple of weeks I'm going to ask about extra testing to find out why exactly the same thing has happened twice when everything was good up until that point.

    I don't want to waste another cycle without ruling some things out first.

    Good luck with it x

  • You too Cazo. Hope you get some answers at your follow up appointment. Best wishes πŸ˜€

  • My wife and I have just finished a failed 2nd cycle of ICSI, but from the ton of research and speaking to more than one consultant (private and NHS) I was told 3 attempts (if you have the money/opportunity/ can handle the stress) was best before considering if you should try something different like donors or adoption.

    We were totally lost when our first attempt failed, but see it as your 'test run' our 2nd attempt produced more eggs and eggs that the same clinic thought were good enough to go try to go to day 5. So even with 2 failures we've seen a better result than our 1st attempt.

    So don't feel all is lost, see what your clinic suggest, and take it from there. You should still have hope!

  • Thanks for your message. Your right we all still have hope. Just taking some time out to recover from the emotions of it all. New year, new start and all that. πŸ˜€

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