Feeling very emotional

[Poppit-83]

Hi I'm 31 years ago and just had our first attempt at IUI last Friday and now in the horrible 2 week wait. Today I'm feeling very isolated and emotional. Found out my best mate I'd pregnant via ICSI and although I'm very happy for her it's hard to hear. Would love to hear from anyone else in the same situation 😊 x

[Filmgirl101]

I've had to change my approach to how I see pregnant people. We don't know their personal circumstances usually. Would I think differently of her if I knew that the child in her belly was her only and last? Would I want her to think poorly of me when I got pregnant after 8 years and 6 cycles of IVF?

My sister wants 4 kids. She had 2 with no effort. Baby 3 didn't look like it would happen. Except she was plagued by dreams about this little girl. Her hardest thing was calling me for advice when she found out her body was going into premature menopause age 28. She knew I had no kids and she was very grateful for what she had. I had to swallow my envy for her. Two years later her body responded to meds and had her little girl.

And when I was pregnant after 8 years and 6 cycles of IVF a woman on the train told me I'd never know how lucky I was to be pregnant. I think she was surprised when I flat out and sharply said, I did know how lucky I was and until she went through 6 rounds of very intense IVF, she wasn't allowed to be envious!

So while yes, it is hard to see people pregnant, but your friend did ICSI, that's no picnic! Think of you and her in a queue. She just happens to be a few spaces ahead of you. When it's your turn, no one knows.

We all have hard days and it isn't easy to see people who shouldn't be parents or people that seem too young. But for sanity sake, I have to cling on to the hope that there's a reason or bigger picture I cannot see.

I'd like to say the 2 week waits get easier having done 8 rounds of IVF! It never does! I'm done for the moment, but ask any of us, 2ww makes everyone emotional and anxious. And what if your cycle works? You need to think about what you need to do to be kind to your body.

You're not alone. We all have rough days. Some worse than others. It isn't easy and feelings of isolation are normal. Throughout our IVF journey I became an Aunt 17 times! I truly know how hard it feels when all your brothers and sisters are popping out babies left and right! No one wanted to tell me when they were pregnant so I was always the last to know. My mum, sent me Mothers Day cards every year, because she didn't want me to feel left out, not understanding that she was rubbing salt in a wound. And now that I am a mum, I still feel all the sadness I felt when I see Mothers Day cards.

Share your feelings here, it's the right place. We're all here for each other. And hoping for a positive result for you next week.

[andi1504]

Hi Poppit-83, we underwent our 1st IUI last Friday too, about a month ago a bestie told me she was pregnant but as she already had 3 children (+ a stepson) she felt she wasn't able to continue with her pregnancy as all 3 were prem babies with difficulties and personal issues it just wasn't right. 3 weeks ago she had her procedure only to find out and announce last Friday she's still pregnant.

She has been a rock for me while going through treatment leading up to and including the IUI and I know she's really excited about everything working out for hubby & me.

I do wish her all the best with her decisions. Another friend who on all 3 occasions just has to think about wanting a baby, come off the pill and a month or two down the line, she announces she's pregnant. I can't help feeling gutted and frustrated that it can happen so easily for some.

Hope the 2ww isn't too bad for you and fingers crossed for BFP's

[Poppit-83 in reply to andi1504]

Hi andi1504,

It's such a whirlwind of emotions on one hand in happy for people that are expecting but on the other I'm envous.....how did you find the iui you felt any symptoms? x

[andi1504]

It's surprising how much you learn to take and keep smiling while people can see you, behind the scenes it's a completely different story. The IUI was fine, I had more pain with the Pregnyl injection, had the last one yesterday morning and I felt every drop of that one again. I've had bouts of nausea for the last couple of days and today just cramps that feel like AF's knocking at the door, how about you.

It's hard trying not to read too much into all the little aches and pains

[Poppit-83 in reply to andi1504]

The injections were fine didn't have any side effects and the iui was painful so had a few cramps after. The day after I was so tired and for a couple of days after. I have had a few cramps so I'm thinking af is coming it's hard not to look to much into these symptoms x

[Vickal]

What more can you say Filmgirl101 has summed it up really. Fab post.

I'll just add that I found the two week wait the hardest part of my first IUI round. I hate needles and had some awful side effects from the drugs but I drove myself crazy analyzing every twinge and googling early pregnancy symptoms in the two week wait. I think it's virtually impossible to stay positive and also prepare yourself for the possibility that it might not work.

Try to stay busy doing things you enjoy and drink lots of water. This whole process is very emotional. You can't help your feelings towards your friend. I have a close friend who suffered two miscarriages and a very problematic early pregnancy but she's now six months pregnant and all is well. I know she feels awkward when anyone talks baby stuff around me which makes me feel bad for raining on her parade. But she deserve to be happy after what she's been through. I'm happy for her but still feel sad for myself. I think this is just a natural feeling.

Good luck with the rest of the wait. I really have my fingers crossed for you. I'm hopefully having an IUI next week if my follicles are finally ready. I'm currently on day 34 and still not ready! xx

[Dee22]

Hi poppit-83, this is a difficult time and it makes your view of life a bit different (well it has for me anyway). I have had mixed reactions to pregnancy, especially early in the process. I do feel I am better now, I can cope with other people being pregnant etc. don't get me wrong this has taken me while to get to this point and it has not been easy.

I do think filmgirl101 gives some good points and I think I've had a different approach to how i see pregnant people. Like you have said, we put on a brave face but behind the scenes who knows what is happening. The pregnant woman you see may have had a long journey to get there and you never know who has had IVF etc. this has helped me cope.

However, I think a lot of how you react depends on how you feel at the time and having mixed reactions to someone who is pregnant is a natural reaction for many of us. I have been there and it hurts. Try to do nice things, take walks, go out. This infertility stuff takes over your life so try to make sure you do other things. I wish I had at the beginning. I did get so bad I saw a counsellor, who helped me through the hardest time.

I wish you the best of luck with this cycle. Try to distract yourself on the dreaded 2 week wait x