Very emotional and moody! 😒

[Hope4usall]

Hi,

I just wanted to off load on here. I am due to do my first donor egg cycle in the next month (have done 3 previous failed IVF's with own eggs) and am feeling very emotional.

I feel like I am snapping at my partner a lot and am very defensive and emotional. This isn't like me and I am worried I am going to push my wonderful partner away. He is so supportive and understanding but I feel irritated a lot and this is affecting us.

I was trying to work out why I feel like this and I wonder if there is maybe some resentment to my partner being able to use his sperm, while my body has completley failed me. I obviously want to use his sperm and wouldn't have that any other way, but I am struggling to still get my head around using a donor egg. I am still thinking due to the egg not being mine the baby won't be either, and will I bond and love him/her?? Will I ever feel 100% okay with this next step?

Anyone had any similar thoughts/worries? xx

[Arya10]

I’m not in the same position so I can’t comment from the same perspective.

However, it sounds completely natural how you’re feeling, it must be very hard to get your head around.

If it wasn’t for you though, this baby would never exist, I know it’s not your egg but it’s both of you who want this baby and will love and care for it. Have you told your partner how you feel?

Are you receiving any counselling? I am and find it really helpful, especially when I feel I’m snapping at or pulling away from my husband. x

[Onag in reply to Arya10]

This is a really positive way to look at egg donation, thank you for this. I am just getting the ball rolling on our de cycle and have had similar thoughts.

[WaywardGirl]

I think what you’re feeling is completely understandable and is the reason we decided that the donor route wasn’t for us. I also already have a stepson from my partner’s first marriage.

Counselling sounds like a really good idea so you can make sure your relationship doesn’t take the brunt of these really complex feelings x

[Abaco]

We have gone down the donor route and have never looked back. However, it took me a long time to get my head around it and I needed time to grieve for the fact it would never happen with my own eggs. It is not an easy decision to go down this route by any means. Our desire to have a family is simply greater then having that genetic link from my side. Take time out to think and get your head around things, all the best to you xxx

[Billywhizz10 in reply to Abaco]

Totally agree about the grieving process that you can't use your own eggs, that take time. Once you accept it, you can face your options

[Abaco in reply to Billywhizz10]

Acceptance is definitely the key. Once that happens pathways moving forward can happen. I don't even think of the eggs as being donor now, they are our embryos which we truly hope will turn into our baby/babies!

[Billywhizz10]

We are currently 34 weeks through a donor cycle, and we are so happy. My wife feels 100% connected to the girl kicking around inside her. She feels like a mum, looks like a mum and is no different from any other pregnant woman.

BUT it's SO IMPORTANT that you both have counselling before going down this road. We did and it answered all the fears you're expressing , gets you to open up with each other and think about a lot of things we had never even thought of, when to tell the child about the donor egg, what support is out there.

Without all this counselling, we'd never have been in the good place we are in now.

Best of luck x

[rivershark]

I’m not in the same boat as you at the moment so again can’t comnent from the same perspective but it sounds very normal emotions to me. Have you talked with your partner about your true feelings?

I’ve found a blog about a donor egg mum which is refreshingly honestly written and may help to read others fears and worries too

chickandeggs.com/

- I’m sure you are certainly not alone in your feelings

Best wishes xxx

[Hope4usall in reply to rivershark]

Yes I have and he is very understanding. I have arrnaged counselling through our clinic and hopefully this will really help to process these emotions. Thanks for your reply. x

[andylins]

I truly think that whether or not the parent who lacks in a shared genetic connection with the child will feel a parental connection! while this should be explored with a mental health professional…Here's what I've read once from a parent of a donor conceived child (when actually was struggling myself trying to get there)-- “The child who came into my life is the most beautiful, spirited child…he is the child I was meant to have and he fills me with love every minute of the day.” Whatever the path is - it IS worthy!

[Hidden]

Hiya I am in exactly the same position as you. I felt the same way for ages. 'This is so unfair, will I like the child will it like me, do I tell them do I not' my head kept spinning and I just felt soo shit. But then I looked at my friends children and I thought. I'd steal u in a heartbeat. Love u like my own and look after u forever and I knew in that instant that the child, donor egg or not would be mine. It's such a difficult decision to make take your time. Talk to someone about how u feel xxx

[Hope4usall in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, yeah it's going to take time x

[7AVA]

Hi, have you thought of joining the donor conception network? They put you in touch with a member who has been in a similar position to you and now has a child through donor eggs. I’ve just joined and hope it’s going to be a real support through this process. Good luck xxxx