Desperate to try again...

[noodles_]

My first cycle of ivf which i started at the end of March resulted in a BFN on Fri 25th April. To say I was devastated would be an absolute understatement. I thought I was made of strong stuff and could cope with anything but OMG over the past 6 weeks I've seen myself display behaviour & feel emotions that I didn't even know I had in me.

My partner and I had a counselling session shortly after the treatment failed but at that point I don't think it had actually hit me.

Approximately a week later I crumbled and in the run up to my holiday on 28th May I was suffering from stress & anxiety as well as insomnia and wasn't coping at all. It really was the most awful time.

Now I've enjoyed a week in the sun away from all the stresses & strains I feel great and I'm ready to try again with my wee frozen embie. I'm going to try acupuncture this time and I've promised myself I'll try my best not to stress as much as I did during my fresh cycle.

Just wanted to share this part of my journey with you all as at one point I couldn't imagine ever feeling 'normal' again. Those hormones have a lot to answer for I tell you!

Good luck to everyone on their journeys 🌼💚🌼 x x

[MrsDx]

Hey Hun, so sorry to hear that you have been having a tough time. Such a Rollercoster that is not easy which ever stage you are at. Even today I can't relax and enjoy, the worry and anxiety is always there and somehow us ivf'ers have to be strong and get through it! Hope your holiday helped to build your strength for the next step.

If you can this time around, try accupuncture, reflexology, an endo scratch before you start the drugs and embryo glu to help that bad boy stick. You have been such a support to me through everything and I have no doubt you will get there in the end. Good things DO happen to good people in the end xxxx

[noodles_ in reply to MrsDx]

Aw lovely to hear from you MrsDx 😊 I hope you're keeping well? 🌼💚🌼💛

The holiday definitely did me the world of good and i'm now desperate to be reunited with my wee frozen embie. I've to phone the clinic when my period starts so that should be 2 wks today. They're not guaranteeing they can fit me in for treatment in July but they're going to try their very best so fingers crossed.

I'm really keen to try the acupuncture this time round and if I can have the scratch and glue I will 😉

I hit rock bottom before my holiday and broke down in work (which I've never done before). The stress & anxiety was just too much for me and it was almost impossible to function. I'm glad I'm over that now.

Howz everything with you? x x

[MrsDx in reply to noodles_]

I think you were strong for so long, it was bound to happen at some point Hun. Fingers crossed for July and I've heard that with FET it is much easier on the body as there are less drugs so that is defo a plus

I'm good and have reached the 9 week stage. But after feeling so nauseas for two weeks, last week all symptoms stopped so I am completely freaked out that when we get to our scan, there will be nothing there. As I said Hun, at no stage does (yet) has the worry and anxiety stopped, I wish I could start relaxing and enjoying after everything we've been through but nope, not happening. Xx

[noodles_ in reply to MrsDx]

Ooh yeah I'm looking forward to (hopefully) having an easier time with the frozen transfer. I don't think I realised just how much those hormones affect your body.

Can't believe you're at 9 weeks already that's amazing! Have you got a date for your next scan? It's such a shame the worry & anxiety continues after finally seeing that BFP. I really wish there was something I could say to ease your mind 🌻🌾🌻 but I think I would be exactly the same to be honest. You've worked so hard & longed so much for these wee babies so it's no wonder you can't relax & enjoy the pregnancy. You're doing so well so just look after yourself and try not to stress too much. Maybe once you've had your 12 week scan things will settle a bit and you'll allow yourself to relax 😉 💟🌼💙🌼 x x

[Hopeful1982]

Hi Noodles, sorry to hear that you've had such a tough time. I am glad to hear that you're feeling stronger and ready for your FET.

Although we've not been through a round of IVF yet (just about to start) I can relate to what you say. When I first joined this site I was an emotional wreck (to put it mildly) and some of my behaviour and emotional responses felt like they were coming from another person. I was desperate to feel like "my old self" again. When I first found this site I cried reading the posts with relief at having found a ground of people who understood and we're going through the same emotions as me. Lots of counselling, this site and a hubby who now seems to have a better understanding of what I'm going through have really helped me to get back on track. I'm not sure I'll ever be my "old self" again but I'm a lot more comfortable with "me" at the moment!

Best of luck with your treatment! Take care x

[noodles_ in reply to Hopeful1982]

Aw thanks Hopeful1982...

It's just so reassuring to read the posts on this forum & see that you're not alone. This journey is such a roller coaster and nothing prepares you for it.

Good luck with your journey and I wish you all the best for your first round of treatment 🌼💛🌼 I have to say I didn't find the ivf treatment bad at all and I would do it all again in a minute. It's the hormones and the emotional roller coaster I found the hardest to deal with x x

[Hopeful1982 in reply to noodles_]

Thanks noodles. That's reasuring that you found the treatment ok as I'm pretty nervous about how I'm going to react to the meds.

I think my biggest fear is the emotional impact of it fails. I dread that as I know how awful it must be. But, reading your post makes me realise that, if I do have a negative result, I will get through it.

Overall I feel in a really good place at the moment. We're on holiday and due back tomorrow so I feel relaxed, refreshed and ready to start! x x

[noodles_ in reply to Hopeful1982]

Aw it sounds like you're definitely in a good place & ready to start 👍 That's half the battle. I was worried about the injections but I surprised myself how well I did. It feels good to know that you're actually doing something as opposed to just waiting around.

The clinic will monitor you every step of the way and you'll have regular scans & blood tests so that's reassuring. My clinic gave me an out of hours number and told me to call if I experienced any symptoms or was worried about anything which was great.

I'm not going to lie, when you get that BFN it's so hard to take as you've hoped with all your heart for a successful outcome and that's why I felt it was important to post about where I am just now with my journey as it's not all bad and you do move on and find the strength to want to try again.

You never know though you may hit the jackpot first time so it's important to think positive and try not to think to far ahead 😉 x x

[hopeforICSI]

Hi noodles read from you after long time.

I got nasal spray to start with on day 21 of June period. It would be mid July to start. Having failed one fresh cycle and one FET I am already nervous and saddened whilst being silent to hear what my heart dreads and how it feet like. I am trying to be positive.