Struggling

[Mrs_k2022]

I had several losses and two of which were ectopics and was rendered infertile due to removal of tubes. Faced with the possibility of not being able to have a child of my own damaged me in ways I can’t even comprehend. Even though now I have my gorgeous little ivf boy here it still hasn’t taken that feeling away.

This all just feels like a weird dream. Like soon someone is going to wake me up or like someone is just going to come and take him away from me. Or maybe even like I’m just looking after him for someone else. I know that probably sounds really fucked up. I have bonded incredibly with him and it’s just amazing being together, I’m entirely besotted by him, but I just always have this weird anxiousness looming in the background. And when it’s not in the background it’s right there in the form of fear and panic. The inability to cope with what is probably just typical new mum worries . I somehow can’t cope with that and just become completely derailed .

I feel like I’ve lost hours days and weeks to just worrying. Being in a blind panic . about everything and anything that could go wrong with him. It’s a weird feeling almost like forgetting what’s actually there in front of me and just battling to make sure everything is ok. Like becoming so fixated and task orientated I’m missing out what’s actually happening. I’m missing the lovely parts .

I’m waiting for help it just hasn’t arrived yet .

[Me_and_Sparkle]

sorry to hear you’re going through so much. I really hope you can get some help to help you manage your anxiety. I am thinking of doing the same very soon as the anxiety never seems to ease! Sending you hugs and positive thoughts x

[Habibi87]

Hi love, you have been through so much and I totally understand why you are still constantly worried that something might go wrong. Being told to just relax really doesn’t help either as I think it takes time and each day it gets a little bit easier to believe that our dream is actually finally true. I kept on talking to my counsellor until my baby was almost 3 months and I think it helped. Sending you lots of love x

[JA-fnuk Partner]

Hope you have people around you for support .Maybe a chat with your health visitor how you are feeling at the moment Also take a look at our website fertilitynetworkuk.org to access - Parenting after a Fertility Journey group - they have regular zoom meetings and an active WhatsApp group [next meeting Wed 8th Nov 8pm ]

Take care of yourself

Janet-Partner

[Boo718]

aww I hear you. After a very long journey we finally got our beautiful little girl but I’m constantly thinking I’m still in a dream and someone is going to wake me up. Or they are going to say thank u for babysitting and take her away it’s so hard xxx I hope your ok xxx

[Kittykat198]

Just reaching out to say I could have written your post myself. After such a long and crappy journey I feel I should be constantly grateful and I am but I’m also worried he is will have delay because of me, or that he isn’t getting enough stimulation. Or that I watch too much tv (this is probably quite accurate). I’ve got into a weird place of waking through the night and panicking in case of sids which also isn’t helping things.

For me this started in pregnancy but then I had quite bad preeclampsia so some anxiety felt justified, Starting some anti anxiety meds so can’t say if they work yet and put my name down for counselling but might be worth a try if you feeling everything is a bit much too?X