Planning when to have visitors

[ZiggyandBC]

Hello!

Just wanted to get others perspective on visitors after having a baby. I plan on having my mum and partner with me whilst I give birth but I really don’t want anyone else at the hospital. My partner said he’d like his mum to meet the baby the day he’s born which I agreed to but I really want to hold off on any other visitors at the hospital or at home until we feel ready.

I’m very nervous about germs and anyone kissing the baby or the baby being passed around, I’m probably being overly protective but the thought of it puts me on edge. I also want to have some time for us to bond as a family and after waiting so long I want to stay in that little bubble for a while without any interruptions.

I’m not sure how my partners family will take this or how to even tell them, I’m not sure if they expect to see the baby as soon as we get home or even at the hospital! My partners mum and her partner have already said they’d want to babysit every 6 weeks or more which is lovely but took me by surprise as he’s not even here yet!

Does anyone else feel like this?

[Shaze12]

No I don't feel like this.. just because even if I put my baby in a bubble. Either way my lil one will still be exposed to germs through going out to places shopping vaccination visits, health visitor etc etc... Through air bourne droplets u can never have them completely protected as much as we all would love to have our little ones protected... However bad germs are actually really good for them because it builds there immunity.

[Pnw2020]

Hi. I personally feel it’s important you set the boundaries around visitors. You shouldn’t feel guilty about this. Particularly if you are planning on breastfeeding you might not want too many people around to start with. There are also midwife /health visitor home visits to factor in.

Also visitors should be well as newborns can get ill if someone has a cold etc. Obviously they will get exposed to germs but best to avoid when they are first born.

[Shaze12 in reply to Pnw2020]

My son was born in the pandemic came home fresh out the oven he was around midwifes.. pediatric nurse etc at the hospital so what's the difference when it actually comes to visitors...my son was around two people who had COVID me and his dad possibly the other nurses at the hospital may had COVID or bad germs and my baby was fine I was worried of course...but nothing happened to him..he has been poorly once only since he has been born and he is 23 months old nearly 2.. he is still breastfeeding and been around everyone from day 1 absolutely healthy as anything... I get it when they are first born you naturally do worry about germs... But I believe them being exposed does them good in the long run.... Look at strep A 19 children have died which is uncommon and that's because they wasn't exposed to germ during lockdown.... So infection has hit them harder..

[Hidden]

I strongly feel this is the one time your preference takes president.

When the baby arrives, as others have said, you will be trying to breastfeed, if that is your choice, may be recovering from birth, and needing important bonding time with your partner and baby.

My parents used to pop in briefly and hold the baby if I wanted a shower or a quick nap and drop off some food and go....it was perfect.

Don't feel bad about stating your preference, this is an extremely important time and you deserve to have it how you want it.

They will have plenty of time to spend with the baby tell them, just initially you need support and privacy.

Xxx

[StarsAllAround]

My mother is on standby to come and look after our dog when we need to go into hospital so she will meet the baby when we get home but apart from that we have said no visitors for first 2 weeks as we just want the time to bond as new family and for our dog to get used to baby before people start visiting. I think it's perfectly acceptable to ask people to wait to see baby. Good luck x

[Positivechangeplease]

Hi Ziggy, I can give a perspective from what I went through to now. And you’re not alone. I even found lots of my baby friends had similar thoughts too. It’s just good to know you’re not being unfair and it’s all about what you want.

So I had my parents be home when I got home from the hospital with my partner. I was in hospital for a week unexpected so my mum was actually around before I got home. My parents both met my baby then my dad went home. And I had my mum there for a week and a half.

I didn’t let my partners family come until a week after. TBH I would have been fine with his mum and dad coming but it actually felt way too much with the rest of his family coming during that week. I wasn’t coping that well with breastfeeding, we were not getting sleep and whilst they had the best intentions and didn’t stay long it was too much. It continued a bit like that when he invited them in future weeks and I was not in a good place. I got annoyed with my partner as I felt my feelings were disregarded and he apologised and realised. In the end I think you need to be firm about what you can manage. Now 6 months on my partners parents have been around a lot and we have been there (they live a lot closer than my parents). I know it’s important to build a grandparent bond especially as his mum intends to have her at least once a week. And I feel much better about it now, and more about the family unit. It’s hard in those early days. Just be really clear with your partner on what feels okay and what doesn’t and don’t invite too many people round if you feel you can’t deal with it. Xx

[Riri88]

hi hun, totally normal to feel like that! Everyone is different and the main thing to know is that you are allowed to do what feels good for you!!! And don’t be afraid to say so!

Also I don’t know the hospital rules? At my post natal ward only 1 person was allowed to visit and no swops, so my husband was obviously the designated person. We then had to be re admitted due to jaundice after being home for 1 day so the same rules which meant family couldn’t meet our girl anyway.

Also it can be nice to stay in a bubble for a bit. Settle in. Very importantly you need to recover from giving birth! Something I probably discarded after birth as everything was about Iris but now looking back to 1 month ago when I gave birth I definitely started doing things to quickly I think. I did have my mum staying with us for 2 weeks but then she is my mum and the help was helpful. She just helped lots around the house for us. Also breastfeeding has been tough and some obstacles and wanted to have time to trial this out with lots of skin to skin time and not having visitors around so I could be half naked most the day helps haha.

Regarding germs etc, being sensible is important with a new born but sadly we did just all got covid! Well me and my husband and my mum. Still don’t know where we got it as we haven’t been out that much but she seems fine thankfully. You can never protect yourself 100% I guess. And if breastfeeding that helps to pass on anti bodies for any cold or illness to the baby so that is helpful if you are planning on breastfeeding.

But main thing: it is your choice, you are the one giving birth and definitely have the main vote to decide what you want to do! I think at least. Good luck!!!

[Sparklylife]

You are not alone! I agree, you can’t protect little one forever, but for the first few weeks - you can surround yourself in a little bubble while you all recover from birth - which is a major event! More for you and little one 🥹🥰 Hormones will be going wild, you will recover and if you plan on breastfeeding.. you need the time to just relax around your own home. There will be plenty of time for them to meet your little one … and you may even need help later on as it can be really hard to start with. Maybe someone to come stay for an hour- to tidy/clean your house or cook you some food. And maybe even later than that.. someone to hold little one for a bit while you and your partner go sleep/shower .. so maybe tell them for now you kindly ask for some space to just be together as a small family unit for a bit while you recover, but then when you are ready you will let them know and they can come meet little one and support - as you will need it. Don’t see how they can take that the wrong way!

It was perhaps a bit earlier in the pandemic when we had our little one, so I was only allowed one person at the hospital too - so my partner was that someone 🥰 and we asked everyone to wash their hands before they held little one. To be honest, we did not really have to ask or explain - both our families just seemed to understand so we were lucky I suppose! And if people were not feeling a 100%, they just text and did not come until later. My mum stayed with us for a few weeks (my mum and dad lives in another country). I was ok with my partners mum and dad to come say hi too if they wanted to, but they actually waited a bit to give us space.

Wishing you all the best and hopefully family and friends will all understand! 🤞🥰

[Hidden]

If there is one moment in your life you should put yourself first it’s now! Remember if you let people come then there will always be ‘just one other’ person who wants to ‘pop’ round!

I think after you have had any visitors allowed at the hospital that should be it for the first two weeks so you can bond as a family and get into a routine. These days we have FaceTime, emailed photos and videos etc. it’s not like people won’t see baby initially. Put yourself, your partner and baby first xx

[Hidden]

Hey there, we have literally just been through this scenario ( baby just over 2 weeks old). I was pretty unwell with preeclampsia & an emergency section so we just put a complete hold on visitors for the 1st week & had grand parents only briefly in week two. We have asked that anyone visiting goes to wash their hands on arrival. We know we can’t avoid everything & just starting to have some family around now. 1st week was great just us figuring things out.x Be strong & just do what feels right for you. Family will get over it when they do get to meet your wee one.x

[Purpledoggy]

We had no visitors at all the first 2 weeks and even then it was just my mum. I had problems breastfeeding (tongue tie causing severe pain on feeding) as well as recovering from the C section, and I can’t imagine having to have had anyone near me while that was going on-I cried every time I fed him the pain was so bad. There are so many curveballs you can be thrown in those first few weeks that planning having any visitors will be a lottery unless you know they will do nothing but help and not judge you. I don’t say this to scare you, I just know we could not have coped having anyone around at the beginning. I don’t think anyone would have dared to muscle in, though, as I am rather headstrong and can be prickly 😂 I largely avoided people the first 6 weeks due to COVID, as this was last winter when delta was still around. Hope all goes well with the birth Xx

[Hidden]

Hi Ziggy. You're definitely not alone in this, or being unreasonable. My husband and I worried about this too before our first child (who was born in April 2020 so even my husband wasn't allowed a hospital visit when I was on the ward and baby didn't actually meet anyone til she was 3.5 months, which was very hard too!!). We don't have family nearby so the pressure was less intense for lots of visitors to come round anyway.I think a lot of the responses above have great advice. I'd maybe just add that you put the decision off until Baby has arrived and you're back at home. As others have said, you have no idea what you might be dealing with or any curve balls that come your way. Before, you could maybe set a minimum amount of 'bubble time' to manage expectations (e.g. "for the first 10 days, we just want to get to grips with things and recover from the birth"), then let visitors know when you can start receiving them once you've had a few days to acclimatise.

I know it can be really political, but put your and your partner's mental health first.

Hope it all goes ok x