struggling to stop the negative thoughts

[Rainbowbabywishes]

Hi all,

I just felt the need to get the negative thoughts out of my head and onto paper (sort of) to try and take their power away. I’ve been on the discussion forum for a while and have always found it so supportive and such a safe space.

I have previously have 6 pregnancy loses - 1 chemical, 2 ectopics and 3 miscarriages. I also have endometriosis and an MTHFR gene mutation. We’ve done two rounds of IVF and I’m now finding myself just gone 13 weeks pregnant. Apart from a few bleeds, everything is going well in this pregnancy, all the scans have been good and baby is measuring as they should. But I’m really struggling to be positive about it. I tried to tell myself that once I got to 12 weeks and saw everything was fine at the dating scan I’d relax and enjoy it but I’m really struggling to do that. My biggest fear atm is they’ve stopped me taking all my progesterone injections. I’ve now got a totally irrational fear that my body won’t produce enough on its own and I’ll miscarry again (they stopped my progesterone earlier on my last pregnancy and I then suffered a missed miscarriage). I’ve read the NICE guidelines and they state that women who have had previous miscarriages and any complications in this pregnancy can stay on progesterone until 16 weeks but neither the midwife’s or the IVF clinic are willing to keep me on it and just say I have to trust my body knows what to do, but that is so hard when I feel it’s only ever let me down in the past.

sorry for the long post and rant, I just really need to get this off my chest. Xx

[DianeArnold Partner]

Hi Rainbowbabywishes. Well, you are a third of the way through your pregnancy with scans showing all is well. In a few weeks time,, you will just start to feel baby flicker and move around, which will reassure you even more. When you are 17 weeks, you can both read to baby at bedtime, so he/she gets used to your voices. It makes a huge difference when born. Just wanted to reassure you that all your numbers are looking perfect, so try and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. Diane

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Hey I just wanted to say I am EXACTLY the same! I have also had six losses and I am 14+5. Like you all seems to be progressing as it should to date and my last scan two weeks ago all was fine with baby. However I can’t shake the negativity, I spent three days last week convinced baby had died and my body didn’t realise. Several of my previous miscarriages were missed too so I feel like my body wouldn’t know anyway. Like you I have weaned off all my drugs and expect blood every time I go to the loo, I keep reading about symptoms I should have and don’t have any of them so then am sure it’s gone wrong. I really don’t know how to think positive either, I seem to just limp through a day and then the next and the next at the moment. I thought after 12 weeks I would be fine but I’m really not. My next ‘you will be fine’ is when we feel them move at 18 … feels like a long way away. Sending you a huge hug xx

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I don't have the same experiences as you - but I agree with Diane - once the baby starts moving you have a small bit more reassurance...I feel a lot better....

Sounds like you are doing really well so far. Fingers firmly crossed for you!