DATING WITH ED....INDEED ABUSIVE? CAN BE

[Vitruviusman]

This is an example of the abuse we guys with PC and no hard cock have to deal with. After 5 years of no sex , I broke down and started to explore the dating world again. First time out and I get this: " What you can't get hard, why you are no better than a women." Seriously> CAN YOU IMAGINE Looking someone in the face and INSULTING THEM LIKE THIS" I am at a loss.....

[DanWinters]

That is absolutely abhorable. When I think there is a chance of a sexual encounter. I have been telling people I have to use a pump but can get hard. I have not been meet with cruel was yet, curiosity yes. It is suorisinf how many people do not have a clue about ED.

I know you do not like the pump. But if you could include it more as a toy the other person may try it may get a little different response. But ai totally agree about the dynamics. All most guys are interested in whether a top or bottom is a hard dick.

I am sorry you have to endure this. You are handsome and I am sure have nice goods whether hard or soft.

[Farira]

This is what excatly i say to others! If girls say: look I don’t feel like having sex for a while or i am not really active in bed, we should understand them otherwise we become arseholes or pricks for not respecting women or we only see girls as sextual objects! But when it comes to men, they have all rights to insult us for not being able to perform which is not our own fault whatsoever! I’ve experienced all different abuses by them verbally, physically etc. name it! so i am very familiar

[Vitruviusman in reply to Farira]

Now you can understand why I just don't date anymore. For every six Encounters of abuse, I get one that is someone understanding. However the rejection takes on different forms. Usually it's not as blatant is the one I just posted. Normally it's very quiet comments such as:" oh I'm sorry to hear that. I hope things go better for you." That's telling me I'm not really interested and go find someone else without saying it

[Roger2Dodger in reply to Vitruviusman]

I say Hang in there, the right one will come along and will make you happy. You can still have sex without a hard Dick. Just my opinion, there will be some out there to accept you as you are. I would never give up... Piss on the ones that insult you! They are probably not worth a damn any ways!

[Vitruviusman in reply to Roger2Dodger]

but there is but there is something to be said about feeling complete when a person is sexually satisfied. There's an emotional calmness that goes along with that

[Jvmott in reply to Vitruviusman]

You are not alone.. after years of having a great sex life after i had my surgery I stopped dating .. I haven been inmate since 4 years.. and probably won’t ever again .. I get the same reaction as you and got tired of the abuse.

[Vitruviusman in reply to Jvmott]

Yesterday and today I've been just sitting on the couch talking to friends relatives who gratuitously share with me the romantic experiences my only responses that's nice I'm happy for you. Mean while, I sit here with thoughts in my mind of my own romantic desires. I realize even after exploring various social groups, I have not found,what appears, to be the extreme minority of others, who would actually be understanding of my situation. Makes no difference that I keep myself an excellent shape going to the gym 3 times a week. Apparently that's not enough.

[Vitruviusman in reply to Jvmott]

in addition, had no idea that having this operation would be socially devastating. I wonder if I would have been more happy if I would not have had the operation, I wonder if I would have been more happy if I would not have had the operation, let's the disease take its course whatever that would be . on second thought, the end result may not have been any different. If the partner ever found out you have prostate cancer they would drop you anyway

[Jvmott in reply to Vitruviusman]

I feel bad because you are so young, I just turned 62 at the time.. after I decided to fill my life with other things I love doing and stop focusing on what I don’t have but what I do. It is still hard listening to friends talking about their love life but now I decided I want to fall in love with “ someone’s brain” not what I was focused on before..

[Vitruviusman in reply to Jvmott]

Is also the human need a physical touch. I have not been hugged or anything in over 5 years. I need more than just looking at pictures like some suggested. I go to the gym 3 times a week keep myself an excellent shape. My friend says why do you bother keeping yourself in such good shape you don't do anything with anyone. No that was encouraging. I keep myself in shape for myself to stay healthy. I'm also 62. Many say that I look much younger. I think working out at the gym most of my life has helped maintain that

[Jvmott in reply to Vitruviusman]

Wow, I feel exactly the same way, and I know we are not alone either.. their has got to be lots of other men having the same feelings. Their are lots of things I miss, intimacy especially but.. we never know who we will meet in the future, and someone will like us the way we are..

just know you are not alone..

[Vitruviusman in reply to Jvmott]

everything you say is true. It's just I am now 62 and God knows how much longer I can still stay in shape and be presentable

[Jvmott in reply to Vitruviusman]

I workout mainly for myself and to stay healthy ...for years I have said “ big pecs an big arms will get you laid “but like I said I’m looking for a brain now and a brain is going to see beyond pecs and arms.. I think judge Judy said “ beauty fades but stupid is forever “ lol .. now, I’ll take a brain anyday

[Vitruviusman in reply to Jvmott]

I have I have three master's degrees in medicine Psychotherapy and disability management. My family and the grated to the United States from Italy. I also speak Spanish in English. That brain enough for you?

[Jvmott in reply to Vitruviusman]

Sorry for the misunderstanding, I wasn’t calling you names.. I was referring to the people I use to date when I quoted JJ

[Vitruviusman in reply to Jvmott]

I did not take it that you were doing that but were being supportive expressing your desires which is a good thing sir

[Borisbadenough]

Vitruviusman...I'm going to chime in here as I've been reading your posts and maybe this may (underlined) help.

If a couple focuses on the penis as the only potentiator of love making then it sounds to me like you keep setting yourself for failure. Why not instead begin to imagine alternatives to gratifying your partner and yourself ONLY with your penis? I'd suggest reading about "conscious lovemaking".... and remember our most powerful sexual organ The Brain.

sexualwellnessnews.com/sexy...

meetmindful.com/conscious-l...

[Vitruviusman]

Borisbafenough, it's not me it's my partner's. When they hear that I can't get hard they literally lose interest. You can't squeeze blood out of a stone. If they don't have interest there's nothing you could do about it

[Borisbadenough]

I understand I get it...I suppose that being in a committed relationship before diagnosis (and surgery at 68 yrs old) allows me the luxury of my reply.

HOWEVER I can't believe that there isn't someone out there for you.

[Vitruviusman in reply to Borisbadenough]

if you if you have followed my previous post, I indicated that those men that were married or in a committed relationship Fair a hundred percent better than those that are not in a relationship. You've proven my point. You are spared the abuse, the gratuitous abuse that's too many others feel the need to bestow upon others. I now look upon it like watching TV and then go home alone

[AJ2006]

So sorry that someone said that to you. I've experienced the loss of starch in my member for eight years now since my prostate was taken out robotically and some people have made comments about the loss of starch in my member. All I can tell you is to move on, F-em..they are not worth the worry

[Vitruviusman]

Indeed

[Hidden]

Totally understand, although I haven't even tried to go out again. I had my prostate out Oct 5. At first I did not care. But for some reason, all of a sudden, I do want to date again. I just turned 63 and feel healthy, look good... But now I am frightened, don't really feel as if I could take the abuse right now. I live with my best friend, who is like my brother, so at least I have that kind of intimacy. But I want more. I had given up - even before. But watching people outside, on TV makes me want that again. Of course, I am not sure "it" won't be working , but I doubt it. So, then what? I sometimes get a wave of sadness. Thanks for the great thread.

[Vitruviusman in reply to Hidden]

nothing nothing is changed. Now this January it's gone on six years since I've had any sex or intimacy. Dating has not improved. I don't know where else to turn actually

[Hidden in reply to Vitruviusman]

That really sucks. I am sorry you or anybody would have to go through that. What can one say? Really. Nothing. Not a journey I’m looking forward to. Maybe I should be happy with coming home watching news (ugh) and theatre and movies.

[Vitruviusman in reply to Hidden]

yeah I did the watching movies in theater routine to. Yeah I did the watching movies in theater routine to. But human need is we need physical touch and release

[Hidden]

You are so right. But it was a while before I had the operation, so I was used to no dates. But now that I moved back to NYC, it is more difficult. You know; the desire.

[Vitruviusman]

Recently I actually thought I had someone interested. Got my hopes up, and then WAMMMMM, oh he said , " I am not sure what I am wanting." Seriously, so am I to believe all that you said to me was and was contained within, " I do not know what I am wanting.?" I am at a loss. I suspect it is the unspoken real reason..ED reason HITS again

[Dionysos in reply to Vitruviusman]

Sad to read your post about rejection due to what you think ED only. The real reason is that In general male to male sexual attraction is just physical. Unfortunately I have knowledge by experience. Due to this ED amplifies this situation. Since my surery I also have to deal with ED. Would also like to be appreciated for the person I am. But if just a few inches makes this impossible, I can't change. So I am also hoping to encounter some one who is able to appreciate me as I am. However I think this will be highly unlikely.

[Vitruviusman in reply to Dionysos]

Well, i had the surgery ( I call it medieval torture) 2010, and have not had any intimacy since then. Dating has not improved since my initial post here. All false starts, and no action.....and I do not mean just physical. Trying to arrange a 2nd date....

[Darryl Partner]

That totally sucks

[AJ2006]

Just for some kind of physical touch...and to get some confidence....why not go to a male masseur who specializes in gay massage. I don't see anything wrong with that...it might not be the ideal situation but it may help with confidence and these people are professionals

[Vitruviusman in reply to AJ2006]

yes that is one suggestion . I checked into it. The cost is $80.00 for 50 minutes.. Quite pricey..

[Dionysos in reply to Vitruviusman]

Pricely or not. That is not what you want. Any way I experienced male sex very often as very very disappointing. Once the partner I dated was satisfied, all was over. Very seldom I had a better experience. So I think man in general are very self centered. If you can't meet their expectations what ever the reason is you will be rejected. I missed the hug and the touch. But after so many disappointments I don't need it anymore.

[Hidden in reply to Dionysos]

Could your experience be similar to that of many women?

[Vitruviusman in reply to Hidden]

I do not know that many women who have a cock to worry about except maybe Bruce Jenner no?

[Hidden in reply to Vitruviusman]

I was of course referring to the lack of orgasm.

[mem1606]

oh, gosh, I feel for you (and I can understand just needing a hug or something)!!!! I am sorry if an earlier post of mine may have seemed childish. I hope things go better for you!

[ELPJr]

Hi. I am so sorry this has happened to you. After reading all the responses I wanted to say that there is hope. I say that because (here goes something I have never admitted to anyone) I enjoy sucking on flaccid cock. I have been with a couple of guys who couldn’t get hard and I could tell they were embarrassed but I needed them to understand that I was enjoying myself. It was ok with me. I hope I’m not the only one with this “kink”. If not, I hope you meet someone like me. Kind regards.

[Vitruviusman in reply to ELPJr]

Thank you

[Handdrummer777]

You may be surprised -- someone may just take an interest in you. Someone who may have had similar experiences and ED challenges. It must be very frustrating to get treated like that, and your resultant lack of simple intimacy must surely take a heavy emotional toll.

Hang in there! It sounds like you need a deeper love relationship at this point. Yet some man may yet see you for the man you really are, and be willing to accept your situation, and be willing to patiently help you work on penile rehab.

There are such men in the world -- who value the closeness of being in a longterm committed relationship. They know how important physical touching and simple closeness is.

The right guy may be closer than you think! That's my wish for you, Vitruviusman.

[Hidden]

I find it funny that it would be considered an insult to be equated by a woman, especially if the statement was spoken by a woman. I would consider the source and not let it get to you.

I thought you were getting an implant. What happened to that? If being "hard" is truly a criterion, an implant can make you harder than anyone can imagine and you could keep it erect for the rest of your life if you wanted. I have one and trust me, it is better than any time in my life including teens and twenties!

[Vitruviusman in reply to Hidden]

1) what type of Implant do you have?

2) Do you have that 3rd nut in your sack?

3) Does it hurt to keep it erect for long periods of time?

4)Did the procedure shorter you cock?

5) I was told once the implant is in place, you lose any natural ability to get hard that may be left yes?

[Hidden]

1. I have a Titan Touch implant.2. Yes you ghave a 3rd nut but not noticeable. 3. After the first six months I have not had any discomfort leaving it erect for even overnight. 4. The implant procedure does NOT shorten your penis. That was done by the radical prostatectomy. 5. The implantation procedure eliminates the corpus cavernosa, which is the natural way to get it erect. It becomes replaced by the implant cylinders.

[Vitruviusman in reply to Hidden]

Thank you

[Blueroccco]

Well, this is exactly what scares me. What about a bottom role like giving oral sex or being a bottom?

[Vitruviusman]

Makes no difference. Many top guys still want a bottom guy to get hard even though the bottom guy does not penetrate him. If it doesn't happen they usually say this is not going to work