It is not ok to have an affair because your partner cannot have sex due to endo!!!

It really upsets me when I see women writing about their partners/husbands etc having affairs because they cant have sex with their partners. How amazingly selfish! It really winds me up that women feel guilt about this, they say its not easy for their partners not being able to have sex. It is not easy having endo and I am afraid that having an affair is totally unfair because of that reason. Women we need to toughen up on them, a partnership is never easy but when you marry, you say in sickness and in health. I hope no one ever feels guilty about not always being able to have sex with their partner. I know it is frustrating for both sides but your partner is meant to look after you when times are hard.

Would be interesting to hear your views on this???

10 Replies

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  • I totally agree with you BexC. If the man wants to have an affair due to his partner's ill health, then he's not worth staying with.

    Intercourse is not the only way to give and receive sexual pleasure!

  • i totally agree in sickness and in health if my husband went and had an affair just because i was ill he would be well out the door its just adding more stress to you as if its not hard enough to cope with endo with out you knowing your husbands out doing god knows what with who ever

  • Totally agree with you BexC. when you marry, you say in sickness and in health. It is so sad that the husband is being selfish by thinking only of his pleasure and not even trying to feel the pain of the wife that she is living with everyday. If the husband cannot give support at least he should not add pain

  • Agree! If your partner is looking elsewhere then he isn't worth wasting what little energy you have on him to make him feel good. As Tendo said, intercourse is not the only option. No matter how vulnerable you may feel, your partner, your rock, your other half should not be thinking this is ok or else he isn't your partner.

  • Totally agree with all of you, it makes me feel sick to my stomach the amount of selfish men out there who think its ok to go elsewhere. I've read it here and on other message boards, even down to abuse because they don't understand what their wives are going through. As if we don't go through enough with endo! I told my husband about the few posts I read and he was disgusted and said he didn't understand how people can do that. I guess I got one of the good ones, if I hadn't have had him by my side through all this I'd have broken down. He's been my rock since all this crud started, has been to every single appointment and held my hand throughout my MRI scan, Mirena fitting etc. If your husband thinks its ok to cheat because you won't sleep with him then he should be kicked to the curb, there is no excuse for cheating.

  • i agree and dont agree mainly because my husband would never cheat on me but i have said to him it is ok to because we have got not much of a sex life and i do feel guilty about that but he said he wouldnt do it and will stay by my side through sickness and health now we have sex once every few days as it gives me a few days to recover but i just grit my teeth and let it happen as i have a high sex drive and we used to be a very highly sexual couple always been very active untill a few years ago when my endo got worse

  • Think ill have a rant on this one if you don't mind, I agree i've been upset so many times from my partner with comments ect i told him if he loves me enough to ask me to marry him then he needs to look after me and not huff and puff when i say im in too much pain, he has been on line chatting to other women ect before and has said some nasty things to me due to me not being able to perform but i have now told him that he has to prove to me that he can look after me through sickness and in health before i even consider marrying him as we need someone to be there for us through everything and if he cant step up to the mark he is out the door I'm afraid. i mean i read on here about lots of women with very good husbands ect and I make comments to my partner that he should read up and understand what I'm going through. Well time will tell i suppose :)

  • Sweetheart sorry to hear this. I sometimes take my husband along to see the different and horrible treatments I have - just to bring home what we go through. And, my GP (female) is great as she really revs up what she tells him about endo. Maybe an idea? Before you make any rash decisions though, make sure you have a safety blanket of friends and family as it is hard enough to deal with this awful illness never mind all the emotional s**t that comes with life.

    Thinking of you and I hope you can resolve your situation.

    Big hug xxxxxx

  • My husband says, I have got it, we deal with it together!!. We are lucky to have two children, and reading into the disease we realise we are both lucky to have them (not that having them was easy!!) It is a totally selfish attitude to ''go off' with somebody else! Better off to deal with it alone than with someone who is part time!! Get him to read all the endo sites and how much pain & suffering (& operations most of them are not successful) the untreatable disease entails x They've got to get used to seeing inside hospital's!! I hope you find a solution to your 'problem' ((((hugs)))) x

  • If you love somebody then you would'nt even think about other people in that way. To me, it's as simple as, if they cheated then they don't love you, not completely. I've been cheated on in the past, to cut a very long story short...

    I was with my ex for nearly 4 years, had two beautiful children with him. He cheated and gave me chlamydia when I was 5 months pregnant with the second causing loads of internal pelvic scarring which combined with endo is ridiculous!

    Needless to say I do not agree that having endo gives your partner the right to cheat.....if they think sex is all about penetration then they're missing out on a lot!!!!!

    xxx

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