Help dealing with judgemental people 😢

[Joely21]

Hello ladies, hope your ok doing as well as can be.

So I’m 4 weeks post op but unfortunately have had some complications I spent all day at SDEC yesterday who were amazing I had bladder scans, ct scans loads more tests, where they found I had a nasty infection and I’ve been given meds for the pain/swelling. I knew something was wrong just a shame it took me 3 weeks to get anywhere!

How do you deal with people making snide comments/digs it’s really making me upset now.

Comments like ‘oh I thought you would be driving by now’ ‘isn’t it time you got on with it you’ve only had a laparoscopy’

I spoke to the doctor yesterday as I got a bit upset to her & she said my op was very extensive and not to be hard on myself as due to the complications I won’t be able to drive for at least 6 weeks post op. I just feel really upset as I’m trying so hard to be okay just these set backs I can’t currently stand straight either because of the swelling. & just don’t need these little comments 😢

Sorry for the long message just wanted to speak to people who understand x

[Ilovetoast13]

Heya!

It's so tough isn't it, your fighting the endo and then feeling like you have to justify your recovery. I have found that some people just can't help themselves from these types of comments, there can be such a lack of understanding and empathy.

What may be a throw away comment from somebody they they won't think twice about, just becomes part of your daily grind against endo.

With people making the comments I always ask when they became qualified to be able to pass judgment on my endo journey 😂

It's not an easy surgery, nothing about endo is ever easy. It's easy to say ignore it cause it can really make you feel awful, and it's like the repeating back to of things you would like to be doing but currently can't! But you are in the early stages of recovery from surgery with complications, you are incredibly bloody strong.

Really wishing you all the best in recovery please put yourself first cause nobody else really has a clue what's going on for you.

Em

[Joely21 in reply to Ilovetoast13]

Thank you so much for your reply Em, I’m just feeling very overwhelmed at the moment as they done what they could but found deep infiltrating stage 3 endo so I’m awaiting a referral to an endo centre.

To have these comments on top of the tough recovery is just so draining, I’m trying my hardest to get back to ‘normal’ the complications aren’t helping and the swelling is stopping me from being able to straighten, sorry to go on just feel really low at the moment. I work in a nursery looking after babies-4 years old so also have no chance of returning to work just yet but again getting comments about that! Hope your doing okay xx

[AllthatGlitters]

I changed my mindset a long time ago, I had to do that so other people’s comments didn’t upset me. I now think 🤬you, you mean nothing to me, your opinions don’t matter to me & I never asked for them in the first place. I stay away from people who give unwanted comments, they know nothing x

[Joely21 in reply to AllthatGlitters]

I definitely need to follow your mindset like it isn’t physically draining as it is we don’t need this on top of everything x

[AllthatGlitters in reply to Joely21]

Yes definitely - it takes time to change mindset so don’t be hard on yourself x

[635703]

snide comments - you could answer:

My particular case was complicated and I had extensive removal of Endo. There have been infections requiring extra treatment. Every womans body reacts differently and my recovery will take as long as it needs to heal. I am following instructions from my Dr regarding my recovery. Please allow me the time and the space to heal under medical supervision. I’ve been through a lot and I would appreciate patience and understanding. I need 6 weeks before I can drive again. I’m sorry this isn’t what you expected but I want to do this well by following my Drs orders.

Send by text. I could never be this calm to say all this lol. The hormones make me rage 😤 Nobody gets to judge your recovery, only your Dr.

Big hugs, well done, this sounds really difficult for you. 🫂💞 Don’t let anyone derail your mental health 💪🏻💛

[Joely21 in reply to 635703]

I really appreciate your reply and I’m definitely going to use the responses but like you I will be sending over a text as once I get started I’m the same I get so angry 😤. Honestly it’s been so difficult and completely unexpected but I just keep telling myself I have to listen to my body I knew something was wrong and hopefully now I’m receiving the right treatments. My mental health has taken a huge battering but I’m working daily to improve this 💜

[635703 in reply to Joely21]

I’m so sorry this is so difficult 😞 and keep an eye on your mental health. Ask for help if you need to 💞🫂

[RedCat24]

Sending love and wishing you the best going forward hope your healing journey doesn't get anymore complicated x

[Joely21 in reply to RedCat24]

Thank you so much I’m taking things slow to hope that nothing else goes wrong, right now I regret having the op due to the suffering but I know deep down I know I’ve made the right decision it’s just hard with all these complications & comment of ‘it’s never straight forward for you is it’ I feel like saying sorry I can’t control what they do when I’m asleep 🤦🏼‍♀️x

[RedCat24 in reply to Joely21]

I would have replied with that 😂. People read things about endo online being mostly period related but that's not true and they are not the ones living with it so I feel there opinions are invalid. It will never be straight forward it's a chronic disease with not enough research. I'm glad your taking it easy, don't listen to others, they are not in your position 💛 x

[Gemsstones]

like you my laparoscopy was more extensive than planned as I needed up having a myomectomy as well (not sure that’s how you spell it!) so I went from expecting 2 - 3 weeks off to having 6 weeks off because of pain. I don’t know whether it really helps with the comments, but remember you’re following medical advice and my doctor said to me after mine that 6 weeks is not unreasonable to have off after that amount of abdominal surgery. Just remember you are doing the right thing, what your body needs and what medical professionals recommend. All I can think is that people who make these comments have never had to deal with anything at all similar otherwise they would never even think of making them.