Advice for discussing fertility

[Hannah0091]

Hey guys. I need a bit of advice....

Bit of back ground...

So I have PCOS & Endometriosis & adhesions. I recently had my Lap and it went well as for what is possible to be treated has been. I’m very concerned for my fertility. My surgeon said he’s not too worried until we start trying to have a baby- which is good news. The main reason that I’m worried is because with out the pill I basically won’t have a period & don’t know if I’m not ovulating normally. I missed 6 months worth of periods last year as I was not on the pill. At the moment I’m on double mini pill to suppress the PCOS & Endo and I have been advised to continue to take it a month before we start trying for a baby.

I’m small, weight wise I weigh about 52Kilos Which is about 8.2stone. My BMI is just on the border between underweight & healthy. I genuinely struggle to put much more weight on always have 🤷‍♀️ I have dietary requirements which don’t help in that way but....

Anyway. Every time I speak to friends or family about babies and my worries I get any of the following:

- You’ll be fine! it’s amazing what they can do these days.

- It took me a year to get pregnant but I did in the end (from people who have no health factors in the way of them being able to conceive)

- Maybe it’s your weight you should try putting weight on.

- Yeh I know what you mean I worried until I got pregnant with X/Y ect (Again this person has no facts as to why they wouldn’t be able to get pregnant)

- I just don’t understand what your problem is and why your worried you have no reason to worry.

Even my partner who is an absolute star with everything has told me not to worry!

Given my health facts, missed periods and weight. I have a right to be worried. & even without it I have a right to feel how I want to feel about what my body may/may not be able to do. I think it’s very easy for people who have children or pregnant already to tell you not to worry even though they have all worried at some point without any health facts to back it up.

My question every time I come out of a conversation on the topic of my fertility I feel hurt or angry & no longer want to discuss the topic. But I don’t quite know how to politely shut the convo down....any advice????

Xx

[endokicker1]

Hey hun,

I'm sorry about how you have been made to feel like your concerns are not valid.

I totally understand because I have Endo myself and it turns out I am needing fertility treatment as a few complications have arisen from the endo I.e. adhesions, hydrosalpinx and even fibroid.

My opinion is that maybe you speak to your doctor and tell them you are ready and you want to have some tests done i.e. your AMH test to check your ovarian reserve, scan to check you have no fibroid and your womb is okay and even a HSG to make sure the fallopian tubes are fine and not blocked.

They all say theres nothing to worry about UNTIL there is something to worry about and it annoys me that they take so long to take actual steps to alleviate our worries.

You dont have to discuss your fears with people when you feel they dont get it. But to be fair you cant blame them cos they havent walked in your shoes and think they are helping.

I wish you all the best and you can message me if you need someone who understands.

Take care xx

[Hannah0091]

Hey! Thank you this is what I just needed to hear. I have an appointment this week so I will discuss AMH & HSG. I just didn’t know where to start.

That’s the problem friends ect they may think they are helping so you don’t want to shut them down but equally when they talk I just think shut up. I think I need to reassess who to speak to about these consents. Thank you for your support and advice I really appreciate it dealing with unknown fertility can be very isolating as I’m sure you understand xx

[endokicker1 in reply to Hannah0091]

I totally understand. Here for you always xxx

[Chillier]

Hi Hannah, I've recently been diagnosed with endo, adenomyosis, adhesions and fibroids. I'm about six weeks after my lap. We were really wanting to start trying to get pregnant but I'm now on prostap injections to help with endo symptoms. They are unsure about fertility for us and said when I'm well enough we will have to see what happens. However will need to come off hormone treatment to try and then endo could grow back. I've had similar said to me and it makes me so upset. We have been married a year and from a big Catholic family so people kind of expect us to be pregnant already. It's been so hard trying to tell people that it's going to take longer and be more complicated for us now. My mental health has also suffered awaiting diagnosis and being in so much pain and I'm now on antidepressants I will also need to come off to get pregnant. It's so difficult isn't it when people ask about you starting a family and just don't get it. I've even had people jokingly say "don't worry I can be a surrogate" I'm also at a but of a loss for how to deal with people other than saying "we are trying not to talk about babies at the moment"

[Hannah0091 in reply to Chillier]

Bless you, yeh it’s really difficult and people just don’t seam to get it really. I think they think are being or trying to be helpful but it’s just painful to hear and also very personal. I hope you stay strong and stand your ground in terms of only talking about it if u want to. This is what I’m going to try and do I think and if it comes up il try and shut it down or change the subject because really it isn’t their business I suppose but is still very hard and very upsetting when we are unsure as to what’s what. X

[Bluesockpupets56]

I can understand that. I miss at least 2 periods a year because my bmi is just a little over 16 (which is bad) and it's impossible for me to gain weight. Literally impossible. I've weight 40kls ever since I was like 12 (I'm 19 now) and I missed my period this month and now I'm freaking out that I'll probably miss more. I know how annoying and frustrating that is. I hope it all works out for you.