Hi guys. So, I suffer with anxiety and depression. Both have gotten worse as my pain grows worse every day.
I am so emotionally exhausted. My boss confronted me yesterday after someone overheard me expressing my opinion of her - suddenly I’m apparently saying shit about everyone, but I’ve only made a few comments here and there about her. I’m not someone who can cope with confrontation but I ended up asking her to talk through it all.
I told her that I can’t talk to her and honestly want to find a different job. Any time I come back from being off sick, she tells me how I bring the entire team’s morale down and basically ruin their day because they have to “pick up after me” which isn’t true unless my illness last more than a week. I told her that I’m being made to feel guilty and I am trying my best at the moment.
My boss expects me to be at 110% and even told me I shouldn’t be back at work if I am still not well because it looks bad (before Tramadol, the pain meant I couldn’t walk properly and I would be moving snail’s pace to my desk etc) If I didn’t go back to work until I felt well again, that would be months down the line.
It is honestly killing me having to go to work every day in such horrible pain with people who apparently get annoyed by me not engaging with them a lot, yet distracting them constantly, and being ill in general. There are times where I wish I could fall down the stairs and break my arm so there is something for them to see - for me to be able to say “LOOK! This is what’s wrong!”
Waiting for a diagnostic lap is horrendous because I have no answers. I have 6 months left of my contract at this job, but with the way I feel right now, I honestly don’t think I could last another month.
My mental health is scaring me on a new level because I genuinely believe I am on the verge of a breakdown that I cannot stop. I’m contemplating going to the drs and asking to be signed off work for a while to try and “get a grip” of myself but I’m not sure. I’d have to wait until 9th May to do that when I am next not at work because clearly my manager is fed up of me going to appointments which need me to leave work early to get the bus since I don’t drive (despite being entitled to the time)
Sorry you’ve had to read through all that. Any advice you can give would be great. I don’t have anyone I can talk to about this who actually cares and knows about what I’m going through. Thank you xx
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Lofty1589
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Can you speak to someone higher up? I think you do need time off to help you deal with all this as it seems its adding to the stress, coping with endo wears u out at the best of times and you dont need all that extra strain. I reckon it should be a recognised disability. I am fed up with trying to explain to people who havent a clue about how I am feeling as they cant understand. Even the dr doesnt get it, just gives ibs meds. And now my April appt has been cancelled until Aug I am angry, emotional and deflated and feel I dont count as a person, just shoved to the back of the queue again. Try to get on that cancellation list for the lap, keep ringing and hassle them, dont give up x
The boss giving me all this stress is the Deputy Director of something or other so if the person higher up. She just focuses on the policy and the fact my sickness is over the threshholds. She doesn’t care about how I feel, just about the business. Not to mention she has become stricter on the use of phones and I checked it once today because I thought it rang and she had a go at me so it is difficult to try to talk to anyone at the hospital to try and push things forwards unless I use my lunch 30 mins just trying to talk to someone.
I’m thankfully only at work 3 days next week and 3 the week after but even then, my anxiety is making me freak out and not want to go back on Monday.
I think it should be as well. The fact that certain elements of endo - like chronic fatigue - are classed as disabilities and yet endo isn’t... it’s awful xx
Hey, your health comes first 100%. Your boss shouldn’t have confronted you and accused you of saying stuff yesterday. She really wasn’t professional about that, is there anyone you can make a formal complaint to about her? If so you should consider it. Your boss shouldn’t be making you feel guilty when you’re not well. She is one very narrow minded women who needs to open her eyes. Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there!!! Would you be able to get a formal sick letter from your GP as that is something you could consider doing if you’re not managing. Also the fact that your boss also isn’t allowing you to attend medical appointments is disgusting. I feel for you so much, honestly I want to scream at her... I’m sure you do too! You definitely need to complain, she is a bully!
Your mental health is just as important as your physical health so possibly speak to your GP about what’s going on?
Don’t apologise about any of it, non of it is your fault, Endometriosis can’t be helped it’s just unfortunate that some people have their heads stuck up their own arses and they can’t see the world around them.
We’re all here to support one another here.
No matter what you think or what people say, you’re so strong! You’re doing amazingly well, you’re so brave, you will pull through and there will be light at the end of the tunnel soon. Sending all my love and wishes to you. xx
I don’t know who I would go to to make a complaint. Though I have heard someone in our team at our other location has complained about her. So, I’ll see if I can find something.
She has started asking for copies of my hospital letters for appointments and basically wants proof at this point which is frustrating- my gp doesn’t send out any texts for appointments so I don’t have “proof”! 🙃 I just need to try and find the time to go to the appointment and hope for the time off.
I’m already on the waiting list for therapy for my depression and I had to stop taking my anti-depressants so I could take stronger painkillers. What doesn’t help is not being diagnosed with endo which means there is still a chance that I don’t have it and all this has been for nothing.
Would you be able to get your GP to send a letter to your boss? Would you be able to ask for proof when you make your appointments? Sorry you’ve probably thought of all of these suggestions!
It’s positive that you’re seeking help for your anxiety and depression. Hopefully that will be a step forward. I can relate having to come off anti depressants for stronger painkillers. It’s shit!
You will get answers from your Laparoscopy. It hasn’t been for nothing because you’re figuring out what is wrong.
That is terrible, surely your private appts and your health is not her business..how can a woman be so unsympathetic about these things. Def make a formal complaint x
You would think so but apparently she needs to know when my appointments are - even when I’ve had to book annual leave to go one so my team aren’t “disappointed” if it takes a while and I don’t show up.
I just need to work out the correct way of making the complaint xx
I’m sorry you’re experiencing this but believe me when you say you’re not alone. I’ve been off a few times due to my period pains (going for a lap in a few weeks), and no one believes me! I hear people say ‘woman up’ or ‘just take a painkiller and get on with it’ but almost all the painkillers I’ve tried don’t do anything to the pain for me.
About 6 months ago I came back from being off of work due to depression/anxiety attacks and when I came back another manager went off with a similar thing. My boss called anyone who goes sick a ‘drain’ on our store (I work in retail) and that’s gotten to me. Whilst I can see why he formulated that opinion it’s not a healthy one to have, especially saying that to someone who’s just come off from being sick.
I had another period of sickness in January, as I went home early with period pain and passed out when I got through the door- no one at work apart from my friend who’s sister has endo believe this happened! Whenever I have period pains im scared in to not saying how painful it is, especially as I have bad pains sometimes outside of my cycle. I’ve been threatened with disciplinary action for my sickness due to it but they’re waiting for my next period of sickness after the lap to do anything- though I’m pretty sure they can’t do anything but I’m sure i’ll find that out soon.
It’s honestly horrible. I’ve barely been able to move today, crying constantly and had 3 panic attacks today thinking about the fact I have to go to work tomorrow. I honestly can’t face it but I know going off sick will make it worse. I had an informal hearing where I am only allowed 5 days sickness in 6 weeks (I think it has only just been week 2 or 3) or I have to go to a formal hearing because of my sickness levels. That is causing me even more stress. I’m just tempted to go to the doctors and ask for a couple weeks off to try and sort myself out because I know mentally, I am in such a bad place xx
It’s a catch 22 because if you do that it could get worse at work but if you don’t you could get worse :/ health is more important than a job but a job doesn’t pay bills. I’ve been there with the panic attack about going in to work whilst feeling like this. So far I haven’t had a panic attack in 6 months so it can get better. Have you joined a union to ask for help?
Hey I know how it feels. Your health comes before anything. I know people don't get it. But you come before work. Take care of myself. I hope you feel better.
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