After 5 long years working really hard trying to get my career back on track after a relocation, today endo forced me to make a request to reduce my hours down as I am struggling physically with fatigue.
My boss is relatively new and I had accepted a promotion into her team just as my endo took off so I tried really hard to keep going and show I'd not messed her about deliberately. She reacted badly at first when I had to tell her I'd need another op ( week 3, not the conversation you want to have to impress the new boss) but after 4 months I think she had come to respect me.
My director suddenly stopped working with me directly and I found out today she had told him, I guess in a way it takes the pressure off but it's sad too. She was actually pretty supportive when I floated the idea so I think she will probably agree. It's pretty obvious I am in pain and struggling a lot and she is starting to get how serious my surgery will be.
I guess I am just feeling the loss of my career just as I thought I had regained it, depressed at where I have ended up. I am so slow now and even with the cut I will find it hard to get through the work mentally and physically and it is a demanding full time job.
I am having to face up to the reality that I am no longer the high performing capable career woman I used to be and that was a big source of my identity and self esteem.
My hubby is chuffed and sees it as a positive. Perhaps I am being glass half empty but I am simply scared where I may end up and if I will be able to continue. Even if I canand the op goes well I somehow feel today I have lost something for good that will probably never return.