Post-Hysterectomy struggle

[Tallulah182]

Jan 2015 i had a Hysterectomy to help improve my symptoms from Endo, so far so good, i have had very little pain (i was taking morphine, Pethidine, Dihydrocodine and naproxen + sleeping tablets) for the pain before my surgery.

Since my surgery alot has changed, my husband and i split up due to the strain me being sick had on our relationship and the reality of not having children.

My mum cant understand why i don,t want to be more involved with my niece who's 7 but the last 2 Christmas's she has tried to include me in things that are very family/child orientated which i just don,t feel comfortable with. Last year it was visiting the garden center and seeing all the kids queuing to see Santa that sent me into a spiral which ended up with me now taking anti-depressants, the thought of Christmas this year has made me go and up the dose of my tablets as i just felt like i couldn't cope. So yesterday we went of a girls day to the Christmas carnival type thing with my mum and niece and again i feel like i cant connect at all. I feel distant and don't want to be a part of it. Not because i don't love my niece or want to spend time with her but the constant reminders of what i don't have and cant have is hard for me. I feel like a failure and struggle to find a direction for my life at the moment. Has anyone been through similar and have any advice?

[Sarahjhill]

Bless you, you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. I was lucky to have children before my hysterectomy. But I do remember before I had them I felt isolated and withdrew from children because I struggled to conceive. It was a lonely feeling and I felt alienated against anyone who became pregnant, I used to feel why me....... I struggled for 7 years to catch and suffered many miscarriages. Have you considered counselling?? I did it and I found it helped me.I know our experiences aren’t the same but talking it through with someone could give you a different perspective, it helped me when I felt low maybe it is something you can try??

Good luck

[Hidden]

Please please be kind to yourself! I recognise how you feel around other people’s chikdren. I too have been unable to have my own children and me and my partner have stopped attempting ivf as it was making me do I’ll and we knew the chances of success were so very very slim. For me I just found it best to be honest with family and friends who didn’t really know what to say or do for the best. My two best friends invited me and my partner on their joint family holiday after our last attempt at ivf. They genuinely asked out of live, thinking we needed a break and would love being with their combined 4 chikdren. I love them all but couldn’t think of anything more painful! So I simply told them the the truth. That while I live their kids and will obviously see them at times, sometimes seeing others enjoy the life we cannot have simply makes me so very sad. And that’s ok. My sister in law recently found out she was pregnant and was scared about how to tell me. I just said don’t tread on eggshells, I’m ridiculously happy for you but dont be offended if I also get upset sometimes. Counselling is definitely worth considering if you haven’t already. Life does go on, no matter how different it is to the one we hoped we would have. So unltinatdly we have to make the most of enjoying what we can. But that doesn’t mean you should feel bad or guilty about how sad it makes you too. That’s Human and hopefully friends and family should understand and respect that. Best of luck xxx

[NH88]

You are not a failure.

You are strong. Look how far you have come. Look at what you have had to do. Look at how you are reaching out to others on here to help them.look at how you are asking for help. This along shows how stong you are....even though you cant see it.

Your feelings are your feelings. Never be afraid of that. People react to things in differnt ways thats what makes us all unique.

Dont feel guilty about the distant feeling. How long ago was it that you had the surgery? It takes time to adapt and some people are quicker at it than others.

I hope you dont get offended or take what i write next as a way of belittlement....when you had endo....how much did it effect your life...what quality of life did you have....think about it. If it was bad enough to have a hysterectomy it was EXTREMELY BAD. Right? So may i ask...would you have been able to be the best that you could as a mum....suffering all the time...would the child you would love so much see the best of you? PLEASE dont think that im saying mums with endo arent fab...they are. My sisters are my mum is and my nan is...but my nan didnt have the constant pain. Neither did my mum although she suffered at the beginning...having children young and having them so many years apart...including 3 miscarriages.....my sister who had one of the worst cases...my youngest sister who is struggling....none of them were on the high pain meds you were on....and my oldest sister suffered to the point of having to pull over driving to be sick and picked up by someone because of the pain. I ask only because my reason for action to have a hysterectomy was a need for a good quality of life....and before the hysterectomy i couldnt look after myself when the pain came....it was debilitating...i knew i couldnt have looked after a little one.

Women who have children are to be praised and shown the greatest of respects. Women with endo who have children are to be admired for their strength. ALL mothers should be. But with the knowledge that they would have to be in pain and look after themselves and a child. It takes my breathe away. The endurance.

I wish i could tell you that you will feel differently...but i wont lie...i dont know how you will feel. I wish i could support you more...be with you and give you a big hug. X

Knowing you can have what you have always wanted....its hard...its upsetting and frustrating. Knowing you arent alone helps but wont make the situation different. You know you can adopt or foster....i know you wont feel this is the same...but maybe someday you will feel this is for you....until then dont keep your sadness to yourself....we are here and although we cant make it go away....we arent going anywhere...and when you want us all you have to do is reach out.

Head up. Youve come so far. You are braver than you think.

Xx

[Lplly]

Be kind to yourself. Its not a bad thing to step away from family situations that become too much. Maybe your mum thinks that involving you in these events will help you heal? Xx