Endo and Relationships

Hi everyone, I'm wondering what everyones experiences have been with relationships and endo. A few months after my diagnosis my long term boyfriend ended our relationship saying 'it was all too much' and that i was 'boring all the time'. A few weeks later I found out that he'd been cheating on me with multiple other women for months. When confronted about this he said (and i quote) 'you couldn't have sex with me half the time, and it was boring. Im a man, i have needs. What did you expect? I wouldn't have cheated if you didn't have endometriosis....i didn't have a choice'. He blamed his cheating on my condition and spoke to me like it was ok and i should understand.

I guess my question really is....are all the guys i meet going to be like this? Im scared to tell anyone I meet about my condition now and its stopping me from going for it with guys i really like. Are they going to judge me, or are they going to run away when the y find out the full extent of my condition?

Has anyone been through something similar? The whole situation has left me feeling insecure, betrayed and scared.

Feeling like endo has ruined my love life.

Sorry for the rant, feel like no one else i have spoken to has understood how I'm feeling

Thank you for any advice

11 Replies

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  • Oh my goodness! I gasped out loud when I read what that very unkind, clearly ignorant and uncompassionate man did to you.

    YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT; HE IS!

    I'm married now and Endo started to train wreck my life about a year into our now 3 year long marriage. We have had set twice in 2017 so far. I just can't most of the time because everything hurts. I've had to cancel on a million plans with him and with friends because, when the day comes, I just can't go out. We even missed a friend's wedding because I just couldn't get out of bed that day. It's been awful and, to be honest, before my diagnoses, my husband was getting a bit fed up with me cancelling all the time.

    Now that I have been diagnosed, his tune has entirely changed and I am reminded on a daily basis why I married him. He's kind and compassionate and is always there to take care of me. He's only human, so he does have less patience on some days than others, but he genuinely understands that there is something wrong internally, I'm sick and I cannot help it.

    There are good men out there! As devastating as a break up can be, you are in NO way to blame. It sounds like he is an incredibly selfish and cruel person and, truly, you are far better off without him in your life. Your heart deserves to be cherished and protected.

    I am so, so sorry you've had such a horrible experience. Give yourself the time you need to heal emotionally and then start browsing again. So you are a woman who needs a little extra TLC, there are men out there who love to take care of the ones they love. Find one of them! πŸ˜‰

    Whatever you do, please do not let such an unkind, awful excuse for a human being make you doubt your self worth. Partners who cheat like that are not good people. You have done nothing wrong. Good riddance to that terribly bad rubbish!

  • *sex we have had sex, not set. WOOPS!

  • Sorry to write back AGAIN, but your post has been sticking in my brain.

    It occurred to me that just telling you about my good situation may not really be all that comforting....

    When I was 25, I was in the hospital for three and a half weeks due to my gall bladder nearly killing me. During that time, my boyfriend of 5 years started sleeping with one of my best friends. He came to see me twice during the entire time I was hospitalised (we lived three states away from my family in the US so I was alone aside from him and my friends).

    When I got out of the hospital, I needed someone to be in the house to help me out for the next few months and my live in boyfriend up and moved out to live with my friend while I was in the hospital. Luckily, a guy friend of mine who was unemployed at that time stepped up and stayed with me.

    It was devastating, on top of the health issues I was battling, but I survived. I internalised a lot of what he did as me not being worth his effort. It was all untrue.

    His new relationship collapsed after a few more months and he spent 8 months trying to get me back before he finally gave up. It was SO satisfying getting to tell him to go to Hades!

    I survived and now I have this amazing man who is understanding and patient. You will survive too and you are more than worthy of a patient, kind, all encompassing love. He's out there. Don't lose hope and don't lose faith in your self worth!

  • Hiya hun

    I'm so extremely sorry you've been made to feel like this by such a πŸ’© head.

    You need to understand that he s a selfish nasty person and if you didn't have endo he would have done the same thing see cheaters are cowards and liars and they will always blame and skirm their way out of things and instead of him being man enough and saying I'm just a pr*&k he's put it on your toes

    Men like that aren't capable of being loyal and don't deserve any bit of head space.

    Stay strong rebuild your confidence certainly don't let no idiot like that take your self esteem away.

    Iv been treat lied and taken for granted in the past. Always thought men we're just like that in this day and age.

    Till I met my hubby I only got diagnosed in Feb but my problems have been for years just never knew what they were.

    He has always stood by me and as the problem got worse he has even sat down and said "babe please don't feel insecure about your situation and the fact your Ill a lot and not looking great we'll work together and get you sorted. I love you and will take care of you all the way through you don't have to worry about looking after me. Sex don't stress about when your OK we can don't worry." We went for lunch at subway that day and I was very emotional by what he said because all these things go through my head but I'm not very good at talking about my feelings I just cry every time and I hate it. But he knows that that's why he had to reassure me. He's great he helps loads and comes to all my major appointments.

    My point is hun in met idiots and always thought men were idiots. But my hubby opened my eyes and made me realise there are lovely men out there and I am very grateful to have him. He is greatful to have me and always thanks me for being in his life.

    Don't get down over someone that's not worth the rubbish on your shoe hun.

    The right person will come when you least expect it. I'm here anytime you want to talk hun keep your chin up.

    Have a pampering day when you feel OK ish start to feel much better.

    Get rid of anything that reminds you of him. Take care hun. Big hugs πŸ€—xx

  • Hello huni, Firstly what a load of bulls*** excuse of a man!

    Secondly please dont ever feel being unwell you should be treated anyless or be unable to have a normal happy supportive relationship.

    Im so sorry you have been treated this way very unfair, he sounds very immature and sadly without the endo i reckon he would of still cheated this just gave him the try to excuse his behaviour actually not to you but i think more to tell himself so he felt no guilt. My partner is pretty amazing and there for me god the man helps me times ive got him up in the middle of the night to fetch pain killers. To wanting to be there when i wake up from surgery as for our sex life when i am not up to it he is understanding of that but remember dosent mean you cant have fun with them, as men tend to feel pushed away the physical is a big part of there loving attachement to us there a bit simple like that.

    But i also have a friend who has had it serverly and lost her tube and ovary her boyfriend was there for her they are still going strong 3 years later.

    I think he was just the wrong guy my lovely, and it must hurt awfully but there are pleanty of good guys out there that will be in a relationship with you. Its great to talk about the condition let them get a better understanding. You will go on to now find a lovely man to support you, through sickness and in health remember. I hope your ok and sending a hug xx

  • Hey !

    Maybe it is finally better for you that a man who treats you like that goes away. You'll never be faulty of having endometriosis.

    I know a lot of people who have endometriosis and are partnered up with really nice people. My boyfriend is really understanding. It is not always easy but he is supportive and the key is communication I feel between us. Sometimes he misses sex, just like me actually but he doesn't express 'needs'. for him the stability of our relationship is much more important than sex. We have found other ways of living our sexuality as well when intercourse is painful (Tantra, massages etc..)

    My stepmother is partnered with my dad and it happens very well. It is not perfect but no relationships are perfect. He tries to be supportive as much as possible. And when it is too much, they both decide to take time for themselves.

    My auntie has been married for decades and she doesn't live in an abusive relationship neither.

    I think we all went through this kind of feeling of betrayal but there are men outside who are lovely and have empathy. Endometriosis is a tiny part of you, but it doesn't define you nor your relationships. If a man pretends to have needs he would have cheated on you probably anyway.

    Take courage

    Emma xx

  • Hi!

    I am so sorry to hear about your experience.

    When i first found out I could have endo I was worried about how it would effect my future relationship.

    I had always had issue with having sex as sometimes it was just to painful, because of this I had a relationship break down and it wouldn't matter how much I explained it to him he thought it was my fault.

    However now I am with my current boyfriend and I couldn't ask for better, he has been there for me when I had surgery and when I was told how bad my endo really was.

    My point is, that someone will come a long and won't run away or treat you badly just because you have a condition.

    If they do, you will know they are just not the right person.

    Hang in there 😊

  • Oh my gosh! You poor thing!!!

    He is clearly a bad egg and you deserve way better than to be with a guy like that so it was probably a blessing in disguise. Thank your endo for it :)

    I have lost relationships to endo too because yeah guys get a little frustrated but it's more because my first relationship ended bad (like yours but not as bad) and then every guy I just shut out as soon as things get serious so please don't be like me.

    As I've grown up I've learnt the best way is to be 100% honest straight up. First or second date say you can't have sex because usually the good guys say it wouldn't matter to them and the guys that it matters too you shouldn't be with. It's a great way to weed out the sex crazed boys.

    I'd be patient though. Focus on yourself and someone will come along :)

  • That's shocking !! No they're not, he's just a massive bellend! My husband (yay!) Is supportive and accepting. I feel bad when I can't do things (I admit most the time I get my teeth and go with..) but he says himself it's just sex and there's more important things to worry about. So no! He was just a boob!

  • I am so so sorry that nasty 'animal' said and did those things to you.

    I've had (assuming) endometriosis since I was 11, diagnosed at 25 and I am now 31.

    My partner is very understanding. I do feel bad that I have to tell him to take his time and when I can't handle it to just stop. But he never complains. There's times in the month where I feel no pain whatsoever and we have a great time then :-). We even have a running joke about how much is too much etc (is that too ugh infirmation?)

    Anyway, I feel you should say because then it's you suffering to please others. That's one thing I refused to do. I won't be in pain while someone is taking their pleasure 'from me'. I've also given information for him to read up on so he can conclude for himself the issues I have. If you've met a person you feel (intuition) you are ready to take that step and he seems like a understanding individual, sit down and say. If they turn off, then they weren't worth your time!

  • Not your fault he has to justify his dishonesty. Everyone is different. I'd suggest having a talk with the potentials. Cheating is not okay if you've discussed going exclusive and if it's going behind your back. Be clear on that. And please move forward properly. Don't give the last one any thought. He did wrong and Take back your power. Talking is key. I have a low libido, but make the effort. I usually have 2 week periods. Penetrive sex is not the only method. Work on that gag reflex and 'hand' massages. Most of us have periods - they know this it's how you can deal with it that counts.

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