What do I do for the best?

[lovemyamanda]

My gf and I have been together for 2.5 years.... not always plain sailing... I'm 44 she is 43.... for a while we have had some difficulties..... and I have worked hard and diligently to try and sort them.....we broke up last week her decision.... and the next day her diagnoses was a laparoscopy....... I feel our or really MY pre-occupation with the relationship... meant that she didn't feel able to confide in me and that I haven't supported her as I should..... totally not my intention ... I didn't realise or know what was happening....anyway I know she is scared , alone what do I do to support her in all this ?

[FaithMarie]

First off, it's very sweet of you to turn to this community to ask for support from women who know what your gf is going through. Not a lot of men can accept defeat that they don't know anything about something, especially when it comes to women's health issues.

Regardless of how long you've been together, this is a time when she actually needs all the support she can get. There's the BS of saying you should respect her decision of breaking up, but if she was your typical woman, it might have been for several reasons and dilemmas why she chose to end it. Maybe she didn't want to burden you, or maybe she thought you won't understand. Maybe she catastrophised things and thought she is a mess and can't have kids anymore because of a possible diagnosis. There's a lot of reasons why she would choose to break up, please don't blame yourself because in a woman's world, it's not all black and white. With our raging cocktail of hormones, it's quite a colourful world we live in X

I hope you can find a way to let her know that you are SORRY to have not realised her struggles, worried about her and the upcoming surgery, and that you are still there if she needs you.

Update me and let me know how it gets on if you don't mind. Best of luck! X

[lovemyamanda in reply to FaithMarie]

Thank you... Between us we have 5 children from previous relationships so that is not an issue..!! We don't live together either ...And what with one thing another we have both been up against it individually with various , work, family life issues........ and then on top our relationship as I said has not been amazing..... Also ..I built a business around her so in effect we are work colleagues as well....... could we add any more stress.....Don't get me wrong this is another in a line of issues we have been facing..... and not the trigger for her decision..... i just feel I brushed over an issue because i didn't realise the gravity or the implications...... and didn't get told too..and she can be a stubborn moo and fiercely independent and wont ask for help...... anyway dealing with the break up, the work complications yadda yadda yadda i wanna to know I'm here, whatever etc

[Tboag]

As faith Marie saud, could be a range if reasons ,

Maybe send her a nice get well card, and explain your feelings and regrets to her in writing,

Or take her some soup and ask her to try again,

Xxx

[lovemyamanda in reply to Tboag]

Thanks... ATM that will only end one way.... Me covered in hot soup

[JessieP]

Hi,

As the others said, it speaks volumes you came here for advice, hats off to you! I think it would be good to share that fact with her also. It shows someone who wants to support & be there. Maybe just extend this offer to her, let her know you are there to confide in, no strings even, so the pressure is off.

A kind gesture of something - anything! along with sincerity & extension of a helping hand can go along way.

All the best

Jx