Help

[abiward87]

I have had a formal support meeting at work today to be told my case is now going to head of nursing for a case trial but I'm likely to loose my job with all the sickness I have had due to pain of this holiday condition. This isnt jus a job to me it's my career and I feel I am loosing another part of me. I have really had enough now and I feel so trapped. My husband is struggling to cope so cnt talk to him as feel I could loose him. I have had enough of being a burden on everyone I care about all I want to do is go to sleep and nt wake up but feel I am being selfish to the ppl I love. I just dnt know what to do....

[Brottonbabe]

Oh dear, please try not to think like that. Break it down into bite size, manageable issues. Then work on things separately.

Can you get any more time to discuss things at work? There's another similar post on here at the moment, can you get consultant support? Union support? CAB?

With regards to your husband, what about doing something just for you two and trying to share just how you feel? I don't think people get this condition unless they have it and it's often tougher explaining things to men, who don't even have the risk of painful periods to start from.

And then there's you, this is a great forum to get support but what about doing something nice for you, a pamper, an evening away, cooking, something you enjoy etc. You need to be in a good place to start to address things. It's too much that someone has the weight of everything on them... If you have some, maybe chat to close friends. Do work not offer counselling support? If not, your GP might signpost someone to talk to.

You're not on your own x

[abiward87 in reply to Brottonbabe]

Thank you for your reply. Iv had several meetings with them now and they dnt think there's anything else they can do and I cnt tell them it's going to get better. Its just so hard as I feel there's no escape from this. I feel I'm loosing part of my identity. Hate the thought of not working and just claiming benefits. Im going to give my union a call tomorrow and see what they say. When I just feel all this guilt and hate towards myself I dnt want to be around my husband it hurts to much. Plus he's a typical bloke and just thinks practically and wants to solve it and because he cnt he just gets frustrated and I dnt want to put him through this. I have thought about taking a few days away somewhere but just cnt afford it and feel im putting more on him. X

[Brottonbabe in reply to abiward87]

Why not lay out the facts and ask him how he'd solve it... Ask his advice but make it clear your health is seriously effected, physically and mentally. You're in this together and any decision you make will impact on him, it's maybe worth gently reminding him of that. How about friends? Can you plan a get together and take your mind off things that way?

It still sounds like you're trying to take this all on yourself, there's nothing to feel guilty for: if you can't work then you can't. It's an awful condition, which you didn't ask for. Maybe your GP could support you a little with someone to talk to? As I say, you're not alone. Do you have a local endo support group? I've just looked into mine and made an equiry (endometriosis uk site).

Keep talking and if your husband is practical then use his practicality to your benefit x

[slaccie98]

Please make sure you get in touch with your union. Mine has been great with me. I got to second formal stage - hoping no more sickness til sep for me to be clear again.

My union has told me they believe the endo comes under disability act/equality act as it's long term chronic and affects day to day life. They put me in touch with an advice line (can't remember name at mo). The advice line said if I'm doing everything I can to ease my sick record - surgery , meds, diet, alternative therapies - my work has to show they have put in place "reasonable adjustments " to allow me to work when I am suffering.

Hope this helps with the work front.

[FallenAngel1984]

Oh no this is horrible... I was referred by my manager to Occupational Health to see how the business can help with my illness, any reasonable adjustments... The Occupational Therapist listened to everything I had to say, the surgeries I've had, how the pain, nausea, fatigue all effect my daily tasks.. Straight away she said I will inform your managers that we will consider your illness as disability and you are protected by the Equalities Act 2010. Meaning that they really have to jump through hoops to fire me. I hope that you are able to speak to a union rep and take this information to them. Good luck love.... This disease is bad enough as it is, let alone the stress of losing your job too! I wish you the very best! Xx