Not Again!

I am 21 and was diagnosed with Endo March 2014 and have been doing pain management ever since, it was sold to me as something which would control it - so I was all happy! For the most part it worked, I got the odd twinge here and there but nothing like before... Until now... I had an appointment yesterday with my GP after feeling very drained and run down for weeks, having more and more migraines, fainting and severe pain - they think my endo has come back! I cannot explain how emotional and sad I feel. When I was first going through all of this, I found it very hard to go to uni - but it was okay because the only person I was effectively letting down was myself. Now that I have graduated and got a full time job I am at a stage where I feel, well, guilty. I have gone into work both yesterday and today to only be sent home due to the pain and discomfort I am in. I can't help but feel like I am letting them down - that I am not doing a good enough job and it is really effecting me mentally - am I the only one to feel like this? I feel so lonely and just well, sad! Is there anything I can do???

11 Replies

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  • My endo has never subsided even after an op to remove it. This has, along with severe depression, resulted in me not being able to finish school or get a job. I do relate to what you're saying about feeling guilty, when I was in school I would always feel like I couldn't handle pain because I was always missing days due to my period! Turns out I actually have quite a high pain threshold. If your mood is a lot worse I would go see your GP to see if they can help!

  • Thank you, this has made me feel so much better to know I am not alone. Sorry to hear what you're going through! I hope your doctors are helping you with everything you need! I am hopefully getting more answers next week, I just can't help but feel very frustrated!

  • It's a really frustrating condition to live with and doctors don't know enough about it! Best to just voice your concern about your symptoms and perhaps your low mood so they can get you the help you need :)

  • Hey lovely - you aren't the only one to feel like this and I'm sure you won't be the last! I went home sick this afternoon and have no doubt I'll be calling in sick tomorrow too as I'm having a terrible flare up - this is after being off for a month for my lap then returning to work for just a week so I am feeling very guilty. I think it's normal to feel like this but what we really need to focus on is ourselves and not what our employers or colleagues are thinking about us. It's part and parcel of this condition and you should just be thinking about trying to get better and not worrying.

    I'm sure the lovely ladies on here will suggest that you see a specialist to help with your endo which I think may be wise as your pain management has stopped helping. I hope you start feeling better soon xxx

  • Thank you for this, it has really helped! I am sorry to hear that you are going through it as well! I hope your docotors are helping with the pain, especially so soon after your lap! You're right about looking after ourselves first, it's just so hard to keep my mind from worrying! I guess that is an emotion that comes with endo a lot! I was just so naive to think it had gone! Hopefully my doctor has some answers for me soon! Thank you again and hope you feel better too!xxx

  • Your not alone. I have two young kids as well as work. So when I'm bad I feel like I let my kids down, my two employers down, my clients, my partner, my friends and myself. I am currently in the most horrific pain and no one can help. I've to just fill myself with pain killers and hope the flare up goes away soon.

  • Sorry to hear this! I am sure your family understand and hopefully soon the flare up does go away.

  • Hi,

    I only had my diagnosis lap on Monday and I'm now 38 but have been living with the symptoms since my teens. This past 12 months I have missed work every month around my period. So my sick record looks terrible and being a 'personal' problem it's not really the type of illness you want to be open about, esp as I work in a male dominated company. I've even reported 'migraines' (which I get as one if my symptoms) rather than 'period pains' as somehow that seems more acceptable?

    I'm trying to turn a negative into a positive and I'm looking to start my own business. There will be days where I have to give in to the pain, but I'll work extra hours when I'm well. I'm an accountant so as long as I meet my deadlines, it doesn't matter when I do my work. I'm not sure what your degree is in, but is the a direction you could aim for? To feel the success and self-worth of doing a good job, without the guilt of letting colleagues down, is what I am hoping for.

    You should be able to have the career you deserve and you've worked so hard for.

    All the best,

    Heather

  • Hi heather, thank you for this! I did a law degree and have decided not to go down this route as a solicitor as I think the role is too demanding for a very random condition as endo. I have decided though to do a masters and write a paper based on endo in the work place (decided this, this morning after I realised how I am not a lone in this and more attention needs to be bought to it)

    I wish you all the success with your own business and I think it is great to be a boss with such great understanding of problems you have no control over! I am sure people would be very grateful of that! I am happy for you that you can be successful in something you have quite clearly worked hard for too!

    E x

  • You're not alone. I know it can start to feel that way and become overwhelming.. But one of the first things I tried to 'teach myself' was to allow those in my life to love and support me. I realized that when I reached out to them, they didn't see it as an inconvenience... They were honoured that I let them in and asked for help.

    I went from being a high energy manager who was on the go and working 60 hours a week.. To living on long term disability. It was my doctor who convinced me to go off work... And I know it was the right choice ; but that doesn't ease the guilt or depression... I just keep trying to hold onto the hope that things will change in time and I will get my life back. Maintaining that hope is a full time job most of the time.

    I know I am not offering any solutions here.. But hopefully hearing my story helps you feel less alone. You can always message me if you need to talk.

  • Thank you for this! I have felt so alone in this but comments like this make me realise I am not! I have learnt recently to let more people in and let more people know what I am feeling - I always used to think I am being annoying. But now thanks to comments like yours I realise I am not and actually feeling 'normal' in the circumstances.

    Thank you for offering your shoulder and I want to offer mine back, feel free to message me too if you also need to talk!

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