Can't cope anymore!!

As some of you may remember I posted last month I had a misscarriage with what I was convinced was a ectopic pregnancy, well by some miracle I fell preg again start away...... And thought surely this is ment to be.... I wouldn't have fell so quickly if it wasn't ment to be..... I'm now laid in a hospital bed after having to have a lap to find out wether it was an ectopic pregnancy or not (I only had the pain no other symptoms) turns out it was, the Drs managed to save my tube but I just think what was the point!!! I have never wanted anything more in my life and it's left me completely heartbroken!!! The dr said he removed some cysts and my tubes are cleared now, but I don't see how they can be clear when at a previous lap one of my tubs was completely blocked and one was very badly damaged, i want to try again for a baby but I just can't go through the pain again, the first time it tore me to pieces, the second time it took those pieces and stomped on them untill they could never be put back together and I can't keep putting my family through the pain, they have been really supportive but I can see how much it's hurting them watching me go through this, I do have one daughter but I had to miss her school play today which she was upset about as she's only 6 and is a complete mummy's girl. I can't work untill after new year now so I have no money coming in either..... I just feel like my whole world has fell apart and I don't know how to get it back

13 Replies

  • Hi mummykay I was just about to go to be when this popped up and felt I needed to respond!

    I cannot begin to imagine what that must feel like.

    I have just been diagnosed with endo and have no children so am panicking that I have all of this to come..

    Firstly I would say you are probably still in shock.

    The big thing in life is that as people we are so resilient and we do bounce back from things over time but that is exactly what you need right now..time to heal mentally and physically.

    Look at the positives..(which I know is hard and I actually shouted at my boyfriend for telling me that today! 🙈)

    You fell pregnant extremely quickly which means you are fertile.

    If the doctor says he has removed cysts and tubes are clear that is also a good thing.

    You have what sounds like a supportive loving family.

    Your daughter will love you no matter what and she will have other plays you can attend.At 6 years old she probably won't remember that specific play anyway in years to come let alone that you weren't there.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is although I can't even begin to imagine what that feels like you are blessed with your daughter and you will in time regain the strength to try again but what's more important at the moment is you looking after yourself and making sure that your ok so don't think about anybody else right now and just concrete on you

    Big hugs

    Adele x

  • Thank you Hun, I'm so scared that when she sees me she's going to ask if the Drs have made mummy's belly better yet, all she wants is a baby brother or sister (she would be a amazing big sister, she's so caring an loving) and I will break down infrony of her, I am unbelievably thankful I was blessed with her, she really is a little miracle In more ways than just being stubborn enough to survive, and I often feel guilty for feeling like I need more children when I already have such an amazing child and theirs people like yourselves who haven't got any yet, but I just can't help what's in my heart, I've not done a lot right I life, I never finished collage, I work in a pizza shop, been through an abusive relationship before falling in love with one of my best friends, yet with her I got everything right, this summer at 6 years old she cut all her hair of to donate to charity, she wanted to do it since she was 4 to give to a child somewhere that has lost their hair, I just wish I could bring more children like her into the world xxxx sorry for rambling, xxxx

  • My dear, you feel horrible now... I have been there. I had 3 misscarriages in my life, many operations and pain every day. I hate endometriosis, it has ruined my life, my professional life etc. But now I am a happy mother to 2 girls. You will get there, one day you will, just never give up. Let yourself to cry, and after some time you will find that strength to go on. And in the worst case - if you cant have another kid, you already have one.

    Your family is not tired of supporting you, thats why family is for. Would you get tired of supporting your daughter, for example? Never, I guess.

    Big supportive hugs to you

  • Hello lovely, you've been through a rough experience. It's just hateful and I'm sorry.

    I don't know why they let you try again so soon. I'm sure you're supposed to wait at least 3 months after any loss.

    You need to stop ttc. I know it feels like you don't have enough time but you do and you need to stop putting the pressure on yourself and give yourself time to grieve.

    You missed your daughters play for emergency surgery that's ok. It's devastating but there's nothing else you could do! You're home for her Christmas and you've given her a great dad. Focus on what you have and allow yourself to grieve for what you've lost but don't focus on the future. Just keep going. I know from previous experience it's the only way to move forward xxx

  • I was never ttc Hun, I honestly believed it couldn't happen so haven't used protection with my partner for nearly a year, then after the first miscarriage we only had sex once during the cycle so both pregnancies were huge shocks x

  • Wow! Then definitely don't blame yourself! X

  • Hey, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've had 4 surgeries, was booked for a fifth. I haven't had an ectopic pregnancy, so I can't imagine what that's like or having to go into hospital at such a personal time. However I have gone through two early miscarriages so completely understand the disappointment that can bring - along with hormonal turbulence when you crash back down to normal - it can take you a number of weeks to get back to yourself. The fact you're getting pregnant quickly is very positive, 1/4 pregnancies don't work out even in regular people, so have hope, you may just have been unlucky, which I know is little consolation.

    Re. Your tubes, I don't have much knowledge on this, but the body can repair damage and endo can grow and equally well recede over time so this may explain the difference in your presentation. Also whatever procedure carried out by the doc may have been more successful.

    Focus on the positives

    - you've got both tubes and most recent analysis says they are working fine

    - you're fertile and getting pregnant quickly

    - you have previously had a pregnancy that carried to term

    Get yourself home, relax with your family and enjoy xmas. It's ok, and medically advised, to take a break from ttc after a trauma for a month or two, go back to it when you're ready, look after yourself.

    Wishing you a Merry Christmas and lots of luck in future xx

  • Hello Mummykay,

    I also had multiple miscarriages, two of which were ectopic and had some very low moments when I wanted to give up.

    I had no kids and was desperate and time was running out! I did lots of research and learnt that once you have had one ectopic, you are at greater risk of another and so on. This is pretty scary but has to be faced head - on so that we are strong enough to cope with all the anxiety when the next pregnancy comes..

    I also learnt that women with autoimmune conditions, such as Hughes Syndrome, may find they have ectopic pregancies as well as multiple miscarriages. There's a bit of controversy around about whether endo is an auto-immune condition but I tend to think there's a link, especially as I was told this by a top specialist in Hughes/APS! And once you have one AI disease, you're more likely to develop another!

    He worked with Professor Lesley Regan in London and was instrumental in making links between miscarriage and APS.

    This may sound scary, but if a woman does have APS the treatment is very successful. I now have two kids!!! It took 9 years, but we got there. In the end, it wasn't just endo that was the problem.

    I would urge you to get tested for APS by someone who knows about it. Check out the Hughes Forum here on health unlocked.

    And I can highly recommend Lesley Reagan's book 'Miscarriage'. She tells it like it is, and at the same time is very positive and encouraging and does not brush over the emotional aspects either.

    It helped me enormously.

    Whatever the odds stacked against you there is always hope. Be gentle on yourself right now and know that you'll be strong again soon.

  • Thank you Hun I will have a look at that xxx

  • And I'm really sorry for your losses xxx

  • Thank you for the support everyone. We weren't actually ttc either time, we never used protection because I believed I couldn't have anymore, not used it for nearly a year, so was a huge shock when I fell preg the first time, then the second time we only had sex once during in that cycle, so was another shock! The dr today said to me it would be better if I waited a full cycle before trying again but that if I did fall pregnant straight away again it wouldn't do any harm, I'd still have the same chances of another ectopic as if I left it a few months, but in all honesty even if I wanted to try again straight away it will take me a while to recover mentally and physically this time, last time it was a natural miscarriage so I physically recovered very quickly, but this time having to have the baby surgically removed and having the lap at the same time will take me longer to heal, my mums encouraging me to try again as soon as I feel ready, she knows how much having another baby means to me. but I think I will carry on with the if it happens it happens approach X

  • Also I'm so sorry to hear about everyone else's losses xxxx

  • Mummykay,

    How are you doing today? I hope you are feeling a little better after your initial post.

    I think as women we do blame ourselves for a lot more than we need to.

    I'm sure your daughter would love a little brother or sister but either way she sounds like she comes from a loving and happy family and that's all she needs.

    Don't put too much pressure on yourself.

    Please do take time to heal..I'm sure everyday things will get easier but at this moment in time u will be hurting and allow yourself time for that.

    I too have been in an abusive relationship in the past..I put off having children as I knew I was with the wrong type of man and now at 32 and with this diagnosis it is a worry that I will ever have children and that is something I've longed for since I can remember.Cherish your little girl she is precious..I'm a big believer in things always working out for the best and things happening for a reason so if now is not the right time that's ok.

    Don't put too much pressure on yourself and I'm sure in time nature will take its course and things will happen naturally.

    I hope you are doing well and recover in time to have an amazing Christmas.

    Best of luck!

    Adele x

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