Fertility worries

[Beth1986]

Hi ladies,

I am 29 years old and got married this year. I had surgery for endo three years ago which was on my bowel and some on my ovaries. I was put on cerazette and that stopped my periods completely and everything seemed to be going well.

Once I got married all I could think about was starting a family and although I knew I would have to work it through with my GP who was concerned about me being off the pill for any length of time, I thought that as the endo was removed I should be clear to conceive.

By some cruel twist of fate my symptoms for endo started to reoccur not long after the wedding and I have now been referred to an endo clinic for further treatment. But that isn't the only pit-fall as I am also taking citalopram for anxiety and depression and my GP wont take me off it until he thinks I am able to cope with the possible complications in ttc. I just feel as though I am stuck between a rock and a hard place and everywhere I turn there is something stopping me having a baby.

I am not a patient person by nature and I am surrounded by pregnant people and new babies especially at work. It breaks my heart every time I have to fake a smile and oooh and aww at pictures when I am so jealous and resentful that it was all so easy for them and I may never get my chance.

I know that I haven't had infertility confirmed but from the way every one is talking even if it is scientifically possible I may never be mentally strong enough to start trying.

I don't know what to do. Obviously I need to wait as all may be fine and I am worrying for nothing (one of my traits) but in the meantime no one around me seems to understand how hard it is to deal with day-to-day. My hubby is an eternal optimist and believes that our time will come but he doesn't know that and neither do I. He doesn't seem to think that because infertility is common with endo sufferers and with my depression/anxiety etc that this would be a problem for me. But all I can think that with my track record it's likely to be the opposite.

Just need to write this down to get it out of my head for a while as it is futile discussing it with anyone else....

[Dan29]

Hi Beth,

I'm sorry to hear about your frustrating situation. I can really relate to how you feel. I'm 29 and have been trying to concieve for 15 months. I had a laparoscopy to treat endometriosis on my ovary, bladder, and pouch of douglas a few months ago. My husband is very positive and tries to be reassuring, but I just find it infuriating as he constantly says "it'll happen". However there is no guarantee it will, and every month that goes by it seems less and less likely to happen. I feel more hopeless each month.

It seems like everyone around me is either pregnant or has recently had a baby. I have relatives, friends, andwork colleagues all having babies. Although I'm happy for them, I'm gutted that it's not me. I'm doing everything right, I exercise, have a healthy diet, have cut down on alcohol but still can't concieve. It seems totally unfair when other people seem to get pregnant without trying.

I feel like I'm just stuck waiting for my life to begin, and there's no guarantee I will ever have a child. I know there is adoption, and plenty of kids out there who need loving homes. But as a woman I feel like my body is made for having children and I'm failing.

Sorry my reply probably doesn't help much. But maybe just knowing that you aren't alone and that there are others out there in a similar situation might help?

Good luck, I hope things get moving in the right direction for you soon.

Dan

Xx

[Beth1986 in reply to Dan29]

Hi Dan,

Yes it does help to know that I am not on my own so thank you. Although I am sorry that you are in a desperate situation too. Sometimes peoples positive and encouraging comments hurt the most as it feels like they aren't listening to your fears and just brushing them under the carpet. I suppose it is different for men especially as they cant relate to it 100% nor do they have the feeling that without having a child they are not fulfilling the role that they should.

I have my fingers crossed for you that things work out soon.

Take care

Beth