IVF has seemed to be a topic of conversation a lot recently, especially with recent news coverage. I don't know if I will need IVF yet (although quite probable) but it seems people in my parents generation and above have quite strong opinions on IVF in that it shouldn't happen. Phrases like "you shouldn't mess with nature" and comments that are religious in nature (I am an Atheist) are starting to get to me, the people closest to me don't seem to even change their view when I ask them "do you not think I should be a parent?" their response is usually along the lines of if it can't happen naturally there is a reason for it! I get really hurt by it because these people are supposed to love me so why wouldn't they think I was fit to be a parent just because of this bloody disease that I didn't ask for?
Have any of you had the same discussions? What do you say to people like this? Especially people who are family?
Any advice/support would be great, thanks so much ladies I hope you are all having a pain free day xxxxxx
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Elwood
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I have had ivf twice- the second time was a success - and have been involved in these kind of discussions in the past with all and sundry. The messing with nature bit is very common and when I hear that, my response is usually aimed at a hypothetical question of treating cancer with chemo or radiotherapy or correcting a heart problem with surgery and I say that I assume if that is their feeling then they wouldn't accept treatment for those kind of conditions because that of course is 'messing with nature'. This usually throws them a little. Of course you must ensure that they actually understand that IVF is the combination of an egg and sperm in a dish. Lots of the older generation I find think there is some level of genetic engineering going on all the time and it's this they think is 'wrong'. It's tough- and it makes you really mad but try not to feel bullied by them. Stand your ground! I get sick of perfectly fertile people telling me how lucky I am to have had a baby by IVF and I want them to see that they are the lucky ones actually- the ones that just have a baby when they fancy it!!!
I know I need IVF, doctors keep telling me if I want to use my own eggs I need to be quick, I am considering doing it on my own for this reason. I work as a neonatal nurse, I constantly hear people saying 'there's a reason people can't have children' etc. it really frustrates me as we also regularly see mums that have had children easily but quite frankly are definitely not the best example of good parenting ( ie live with known paedophiles etc and other awful social problems. I don't believe 'god' would choose people like that to be parents over people like us. I just don't think it works like that. I also see many parents falling in love with their much wanted IVF miracle baby, I feel blessed to get to see that. Don't let other peoples beliefs or opinions affect your dreams and your life. As long as that little baby would be loved and adored it doesn't matter how they are conceived. If 'god' didn't believe in IVF he wouldn't have given us the skills to create it.
Thanks Looplou, I 100% agree with everything you have just said, thanks for the support xxx
I can't believe how insensitive people can be! How can anyone makes these comments when they haven't been in your position? My baby girl would have died from kidney cancer 20 years ago if it was just left to nature and we shouldn't mess about with treatments like chemotherapy etc. I'm very fortunate that I've never had any gynalogical problems but I have friends who suffer terribly.
My daughter who's now age 22 and thankfully has been in remission for 20 years has been told there's a possibility she could need fertility treatment when the time comes that she wants kids. This is down to the chemotherapy she had.
Is it not bad enough that my daughter and yourselves have suffered from a horrible painful illness but there are people then grudge you the pleasure of having a child? I'd say you were more deserving of that happiness due to all you've been through.
So sorry Elwood I didn't mean to go on a mad rant😳 but this makes me so angry.
I agree the older generation are the worst for coming out with these statements and it must be so hurtful when it's family. I honestly believe some people don't really think about what they're actually saying they just come out with nonsense!
To this day I have people I still don't speak to due to stupid,hurtful comments they came out with when my child was fighting for her life. An example is "I know how you feel because my son had the chickenpox last week" Yes coz that's the same eh?!! That's just one of many stupid things some folk came out with. I wish you all the luck in the world for the future xxx
Well, I was typing my response and then read some of the other responses and they were similar to what I was about to say, so I'll be short. I could understand your family a little bit more if you weren't married based on their beliefs, but that doesn't seem to be the case here. So, if your family are ok with Drs. saving lives through medicine then why not for help in creating one. I'm religious too, and I used Chlomid to help me conceive my second child. There's nothing wrong with it. Good luck to you!
Thank you Jean, its such a strange, frustrating yet interesting discussion. I completely respect their faith, but it frustrates me as their view seems to come from ignorance of how it works and the impact on women like us, not wholly from religious belief. Like you say, however we have been given life be it science or a higher power, from both outlooks we have been given the means to create and sustain life through human led science not just nature.
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