I Ran Away From The Problem

I was diagnosed with endometriosis about 6 years ago. It is quite severe, I have struggled with coming to terms with condition. It has had a profound affect on my ability to conceive and this has made me, I don't like to say depressed but most definitely low. Recently, I have found the horrible symptoms of the condition have got worse. My periods are unbearable, I find it hard to leave the house because they are so heavy. This does not help my mood, the pain has become almost all month round. Back aches, sore knees and ankles but more so the urine infections. I told no one really about how bad it had gotten and rather than tackle the problem, I buried my head in the sand. In the last couple of months I have found myself being beaten by it, I finally mustered up the courage to tell my Mum my worries and my pain. The weight that was lifted off my shoulders is unbelievable. She convinced me to talk to my boyfriend of four years about how I was feeling. We had been struggling because I had become so subdued and down and he was unable to ever make me happy and had no idea why. When he found out he was devastated I had allowed myself to get to this point. This is a huge step for me and I still find myself feeling somewhat lost and hopeless. Do any other people feel this way? I have never reached out for support before feeling slightly embarrassed and ashamed. Stupid right? I have always prided myself on my strength and my F U attitude to anything that holds me back but I feel I may have met my match. I don't want to feel like I have been defeated anymore. Maybe knowing other people feel this way will put me at ease... Or finding out I am definitely struggling with coming to terms with it more than most will give me the kick up the bum to seek some real help. Im a strong 24 year old woman that just feels a bit alone.

16 Replies

  • You are not alone. We all suffer but you do not and must not suffer in silence. This is such an awful disease and I am glad that you have been brave enough to discuss it with people. I too at times feel low and down and just helpless. We can all help each other on here x

  • It's amazing how much it's helped already, truly amazing people out there. Thank you xxx

  • I totally know how you feel .. I always walk round with a smile on my face hiding the situation.. I'm 23 this week so it's nice to know your around the same age and you feel the same but this is something were gonna have for life so I suppose we have to come to terms with the fact it's part of us. U can talk on here all the ladies listen and are supportive of each other. Right now I'm suffering with my knee pain but no one understands its from the endo im sure my partner and mom just think I'm making it up . I also have lost so much confidence as I have burns all over my stomach and back from my water bottle because I have to have it so hot because of the pain. But please don't hold it in. Feel free to message me every now and then . You are not alone. Xx

  • Never be afraid to ask for help and support Bec Bec. We all suffer to varying different degrees here but understand the feeling very well of how life limiting Endometriosis can be.

    I was house bound and used to have to choose between Xanax to cope with the anxiety or Codéine for the pain just so I could pick my kids up from school. I have had IV Feritin 3 times in the last 5 years because of flooding and I was really ready to quite. We need to be strong to get through it, but that doesn't mean we have to do it alone. I don't believe it is a fight though. I don't believe it is healthy for our mind to feel it is fighting something in our own body. If you can learn to harmonise with your body and start some form of relaxation technique either Yoga, Meditation just simply doing thins that make you happy. Listening to music, sitting i. The garden in the sunshine, cuddling a pet and really connect with those feelings of happiness emotional and physical. I am learning Sophrology and found it very beneficial as we harmonise body and mind rather than rejecting the body because it isn't functioning right at the moment. Sophrology reconnects our mind with a clear understanding that our body can still feel good and do good things but when we are sick and in chronic pain the last thing we want to do is focus our attention in our body. It is my strong belief that this rejection and fight with the mind and body causes more harm than good.

    Big hugs and feel free to message me if I can help more.

    Jen xx

  • Jen, I've never considered a calmer approach I suppose I'm so angry with "it" I can only see it as an enemy. But you're right in that being so angry of something I can't change nor that is anyone's fault. You seem very comfortable and confident in what we all go through. It's nice to hear that it's possible and that anger or aggression isn't healthy in any circumstance. Xxxx

  • Thank you BecBec, It can help enormously. When my a Sophrology teacher suggested I focus on my body and the sensations there I was so mad I thought she was crazy! But our body has the language of sensation. Watch how your physical sensations change in your body as you change your thoughts from something you love, to something you hate to something you love again and you will see what I mean. It is not a cure for me yet, but I know I take less pain relief and my life is happier and I smile more which for me right now compared to a year ago is enough.

    Hugs to you

    Jen xx

  • I have taken what you have said so seriously, you can't understand. I'm off the latest "trial" drugs and I've had some horrible withdrawal more so for my moods but I'm seeing a way out of the awful lowness it can cause. And that to me from 2 months ago is huge. As dark as the tunnel can get there is light xxxxxx

  • Keep strong BecBec and message me anytime if you need some help through this ok. :0) xxx

  • You're so kind. Today has been a bad day. Period is coming and the pain is quite bad. More so what comes with it upsets me. But I'm staying positive and I know I have to xxx

  • You are definitely NOT alone BecBec and the way you have reacted is not unusual either.

    Keep strong but not silent. Other people can't tell how you are feeling unless you say. You have to accept that some people won't listen and if they do they won't understand. Don't worry about them, it says more about them then you.

    Hold dear those that do care. You have a supportive mum and boyfriend which is wonderful.

    Some days you will feel low but other days you will feel okay, endo is hormonal remember. Take each day as it comes and when you are low do your best to slap on a smile, it does help.

    Take each day as it comes, much love Penny x

    PS I'm 45 and still in denial!

  • It's tough Penny but the support on here is overwhelming, the best thing I have done is share my feelings. I really do have low days and sometimes they can last weeks even months, and it then when that's mixed with particular bad painful days it can be too much, but you're right I have so much support and love around me. I'm lucky and if that can't make me snap out of it ... I think sometimes denial has to be every day life. Acceptance of something like this is impossible , it impacts everything so sometimes ignorance truly is bliss xxx

  • I totally understand - I try to explain to people how i feel - and no one understands - at work they seem to think im exagerating and im using it to get out of certain jobs - which im not - i love my job! but im fed up of peoples snide looks and comments. some days i can carry on as normal and other days i feel awful and in loads of pain - no two days are the same. i even tell my partner today is a bad day and he goes - "oh is it". its as if he has had enough of hearing it! dont even know what to do myself anymore...fed up soo much!

  • I know that feeling, people just think you are constantly complaining but it is a constant pain and constant reminder of how something inside you is just buggared. days can be dark and when no one around you can understand that those days are unbearable you think FU world. But the comfort I've taken from the support on here have made me think I'm not alone, and that there is always always light at the end of the tunnel. If no ones listening, don't shout louder just tell someone else. I'm listening and know that people do care and those dark moments and days will pass and that good times will always beat those days


  • Hey, I'm 24 I have serve endo as well and I totally get where your coming from. 4 years ago I had an emergency laparoscopy to remove a ruptured cyst, I was diagnosed with endometriosis and I didn't know where to begin. I was totally lost, everything in life lost its sparkle but like you said the main thing I've always had is my determination. So I spoke to my best friend and she convinced me to see my GP, they where amazing. For me it wasn't the UTI that where the problem it was the constant pain, I couldn't move at all from my house without nearly blacking out from pain. Granted I'm still in pain now but I know how to control it. What I'm trying to say is, though my story isn't the same as your it has the rough bones. I know how you feel, I've felt low, I'm unable to conceive due to my endometriosis. A problem shared is a problem halved though. Your doing the right thing by talking.

    Sarah xx

  • Thank you so much xx knowing that I'm not alone in my worries, pain and thoughts is a relief. Sometimes it feels like I'm going insane and it is affecting every inch of my life. I just want to feel like I have control again. Thank you for the reply though. It really has comforted me xx

  • My god! Read my post "I'm taking my life back...you will not beat me". I went through exactly what you have. Keep fighting don't give up. xxx

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