Surgery booked

So in two weeks it's surgery number three, bowel resection round two! Possible stoma number one!

But this time I am terrified, not entirely sure why, maybe the suggestion that my endo has progressed to deeply infiltrating endo or maybe the longer you have endo and the longer you deal with it the more it wears you down?! I am always the "brave face" person, I make such a point of not showing my pain in the day that I now cry in my sleep :( I make a point of using natural methods to reduce my pain and stay as active as I can cope with (sometimes pushing it a touch too far!!) and I am doing my utmost to deal with the fact that I am 31 with no children.

None of this seems to work in my favour these days, I'm not sure anyone cares how much effort I put in just to live a normal (ish) life! It's so frustrating! I am not asking for a pity party just some consideration and a little recognition from my nearest and dearest!

I am so stressed at the moment, I am desperately trying to hide the frantic breathing episodes, nausea, dizziness and disrupted sleep from my husband and work colleagues, I have tried to reason with my boss that with surgery coming up I shouldn't be given new work so I can have the opportunity to clear my current work, this isn't happening and my stress levels are seriously rising and I am losing focus. I wonder if I should stop worrying about work as it seems they aren't really concerned about me!?

Add to that serious family drama and bad situation after bad situation at home and I am a complete wreck inside................

If one more person says "Oh you don't look ill" I am actually going to head-butt them square in the nose!! I feel like I am losing it a little bit more each day! If it wasn't for this forum where I can rant like this and the support of my closest girlfriends I would most certainly be facing the judge by now for aforementioned head-butting!!!!!

Aaaaaaaand rant over!!

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  • Hi just come across this post and i know exactly how you feel, I'm currently waiting on surgery number 3 as they've recently found than endo was left in the pouch of Douglas and after my first surgery in 2011! And has now penetrated to the bowel. My boss couldn't give a dam about what I'm going through and have recently handed my notice in as the stress has got too much for me. You have to think of yourself. I know it's hard as I said I'm going through the same, I know sometimes things are easier to say but your not on your own. When it comes to your boss and others just think fuck them! Why should you waste what little energy you have on worrying about them when they don't worry about you. I know it's frustrating when all you want them to do is understand as it would make life easier for you but unfortunately there are a lot of people out there that just don't care, god for bid they have anything bad happen to their lives. I cry, scream, shout and sometimes want to throw household items out the window but then I realise getting so stressed and angry just won't help how I'm feeling inside. Don't let this disease control you, you control it, whether that means taking a bath to de stress or a walk or run to let off some steam. It's tough but we have to keep going otherwise were all end up in a heap on the floor! Your still you inside and just remember the person that you are and don't let endometriosis make you someone your not xxxxx

  • Thanks for the reply, I really appreciate it, good luck for surgery number three, as it looks like you will be having the same procedure as me I will pop you a note when I am back from hospital and let you know how it is xx

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