So in two weeks it's surgery number three, bowel resection round two! Possible stoma number one!
But this time I am terrified, not entirely sure why, maybe the suggestion that my endo has progressed to deeply infiltrating endo or maybe the longer you have endo and the longer you deal with it the more it wears you down?! I am always the "brave face" person, I make such a point of not showing my pain in the day that I now cry in my sleep I make a point of using natural methods to reduce my pain and stay as active as I can cope with (sometimes pushing it a touch too far!!) and I am doing my utmost to deal with the fact that I am 31 with no children.
None of this seems to work in my favour these days, I'm not sure anyone cares how much effort I put in just to live a normal (ish) life! It's so frustrating! I am not asking for a pity party just some consideration and a little recognition from my nearest and dearest!
I am so stressed at the moment, I am desperately trying to hide the frantic breathing episodes, nausea, dizziness and disrupted sleep from my husband and work colleagues, I have tried to reason with my boss that with surgery coming up I shouldn't be given new work so I can have the opportunity to clear my current work, this isn't happening and my stress levels are seriously rising and I am losing focus. I wonder if I should stop worrying about work as it seems they aren't really concerned about me!?
Add to that serious family drama and bad situation after bad situation at home and I am a complete wreck inside................
If one more person says "Oh you don't look ill" I am actually going to head-butt them square in the nose!! I feel like I am losing it a little bit more each day! If it wasn't for this forum where I can rant like this and the support of my closest girlfriends I would most certainly be facing the judge by now for aforementioned head-butting!!!!!
Aaaaaaaand rant over!!