Back under the knife tomorrow!

Hi everyone,

Well tomorrow is D Day for me and I must admit I'm getting rather nervous this time. When I had my lap in jan I was so laid back about it all. Yeah I knew when I woke up i would be told I had Endo but nothing on the scale that it actually was!!! Now tomorrow I am faced with a 3hr major op with 3 consultant surgeons (gynae, colorectal, urology) to simply remove my left Fallopian tube to help with IVF! If they are going to this extreme to remove my tube, god knows what it will be like for my "big op" to actually remove the Endo once we've tried the IVF!!!!

I just want the whole Endo journey to be over with now. Part of me has accepted that I'm more than likely not going to have a baby. And as sad as it sounds (and honestly I never thought I'd say this) our new addition to the family, my puppy Buddy, has played a massive role in this. I have something to love and take care of. And to see his little face light up when he sees me just melts my heart because I know he loves me as much as I love him. He is my baby lol ?? . But I know I'd always be kicking myself if I didn't try everything possible to complete our little family hence the op tomorrow. But the big thing for me now is that I just want the pain to stop!!!!!

I'm so lucky that I have found a man that is so loving and supportive and I can't wait to marry him next April but I can't help but feel that I'm letting him down. He has had to put up with so much this last few months and I just feel so guilty that I'm not able to give him everything that he wants and deserves. For months he's had to put up with my pain and my mood swings. He's put my needs and my feelings before his own. But how long can this go on for? Something's got to give at some point right?!? He says he's made peace with the fact that we can't have a baby and says he's happy for us to have just one shot at IVF. He says he just wants me well again but we all know that Endo is for most a long standing issue.

what if I wake up tomorrow with a colostomy??? I know they said it would only be temporary if it got to that point but what man can cope with that!?!

Everyone just keeps telling me that colostomy etc is worst case and I need to stop over thinking things. But last time I went into surgery I was positive and it ended up being far worse than I ever imagined. I just want it all to be over so that we can get on with our lives and not have to worry anymore about what the outcome might be. I want to plan our wedding not wondering if I need to find a dress thats going to hide my colostomy, or worry that I might spend the whole of our big day dosed up to the eye balls with pain killers and be barely able to make it down the aisle. I want to look into his eyes and say I do with my eyes filled with tears of joy and happiness not pain!

I just want it all to be over with ??

6 Replies

  • Good luck for tomorrow! I'm sure all will go well. I may be in same situation soon needing both tubes removed before the one go of IVF too. With all these surgeons your in safe hands but any op is a bit scarey. I have two dogs who are my babies and they laid with me whilest I recovered from my last op which is nice to have cuddles and their little faces while you have plenty of rest. I know what you mean about trying to accept you may not have a child but knowing there's still a little hope keeps me going for now. My husband has accepted the news much better than me and says he's ok with it if we don't have kids so I do think women find it harder to deal with. Remember he's with you because he loves you and yes a baby would be nice but he wants to marry you and be there for you no matter what the future holds. X

    Rest lots and hope the recovery goes quickly let us know how you are xx will be thinking of you tomorrow x

  • Thanks lillyflower x

  • Hi Nat

    Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you today, and sending good vibes your way!

    Our men are a lot stronger than we give them credit for. My biggest regret is that I couldn't give my husband children but not only did he stay with me through that, he's still here rubbing my back when I'm in pain and holding my hair back when I'm being sick and making hot water bottles, and puffing up pillows, even while I'm being a total bitch to him when I'm at the mercy of my hormones. It sounds like you've got a good 'un there too :)

    What you said about your last op - "But last time I went into surgery I was positive and it ended up being far worse than I ever imagined" - this time it will probably be completely the other way around, you're going into it feeling negative so it will in all probability go much better than you are expecting.

    I totally get that you're ready to give up now, but keep going until you've exhausted all opportunities so that when it is over and if it hasn't gone the way you want you'll never be able to say "I wish we'd.....". We had a recurrent miscarriage problem and we chased absolutely every treatment option until one morning I got an appointment for the next round of treatment and thought "I can't do this anymore". There was nothing more we could have done and although it was sad to realise that I was never going to be a mum I know we tried our very hardest. And as for your puppy - we have three cats, so I get that! Buddy is a very lucky boy to have a mum like you :)

    Sending huge love and hugs.

    C xxx


  • Hi Ladies,

    Just wanted to let you know I'm home and all went well....NO COLOSTOMY!!!! Although apparently I came close! Consultant is happy that everything looks good and that I should start IVF ASAP. Got an issue with peeing blood at mo due to the stenting of my ureters during surgery but apparently that should settle in a few days. I have to self inject a blood thinner (daltaparin) for a few days because of the risk of clots but its not so bad. Have the dreaded trapped wind as well all get from the laps but apart from that I'm ok.

    Hope you are all well and thank you for your kind thoughts xxxx

  • Hi I'm glad it went well you must be relieved that there's no bag! It's good to have the option of IVF to look forward to once your recovered. So rest lots and look after yourself x thanks for the update had been thinking of you x

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