:( My Granddad

As I mentioned in my last post, my nan and granddad have looked after me since the age of 5 from my (there daughter) mother being murdered by my stepdad and losing there son (my uncle) 6 weeks before.

We had some horrible news yesterday, (my granddad already has cancer and multiple other health issues) He went to an eye appointment, his left eye has serious damage and has a big bleed. The mass needs to be removed but this could mean that he is blind. He was told by the consultants last Christmas... that this is his last year... this is really not fair. He does not deserve this, we are all human and he is someone who doesn't deserve the pain he is going through.

I have felt such guilt all my life as my grandparents were retiring before my mother died - they had to go back to work and look after myself and my brother at the time. they didn't have time off after working all these years and now he is in pain and dying slowly. It's awful to watch and I fear I will always carry this guilt and hurt around.

I feel I could do so much more, I already look after him everyday and help with his needs. I just feel useless and seeing someone you love die slowly is not something I want anyone to experience.

I just would really like help, to see what I can do to help him?

Thank you

Michelle x

12 Replies

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  • Hi Michelle. I'm sorry to hear your bad news. You are doing everything that can be done. Try & phone the Samaritans they are good in situations like this.

  • Hi Sammy5504

    Thank you, I've never spoken to them before.. do they help?

    Michelle x

  • They are open 24/7. They are trained for situations like yours.

  • Hi try not to feel guilty about your grandparents looking after you and your brother. Ok this was probably hard for them but I bet they loved you both dearly and you brought a lot to their lives. I am sure they thought you were worth any sacrifice so would be horrified to think you feel guilty about it. They wouldn't have done it if they hadn't wanted to.

    I am sure both of you have been a great comfort to them over the years, as you are still with your grandfather. Take care. xx

  • Hi Lilaclil,

    That is such a lovely comment, thank you very much. I really appreciate such a lovely message

    I'm sure you are right, hopefully i'll understand soon xx

  • You are more than welcome my love. xx

  • We are all human and unfortunately this is what most of us go through at the end. Don't think that he's dying slowly, he's just living out the last days of his life. Try to keep as happy as you can when you are with your granddad, even though that's difficult, it would help him most if he thinks you are feeling OK and not getting upset about him. Make sure you tell him how much he means to you and how important he's been in your life - it's easy to forget to say these things until it's too late. I was able to tell my mom these things before she died, and that's been a help in the months since she passed. You can't do any more for him, just try to be there as much as possible and do as what you can to keep him comfortable.

    If this is his last year, I would be surprised if he would be put through major surgery, unless there is a chance of recovery. So don't worry about that.

  • Hi RoboMark,

    Thank you very much - very wise words. I will definitely will tell him, he's only having the surgery because if he did leave it, he would go blind. So they are just trying to make him comfortable as he's pretty petrified especially if he couldn't see for his last year

    I will certainly speak to his consultant about it though

    Thank you again

    Michelle x

  • You are very welcome, and I wish you the best of luck for the future.

  • Hi Michelle, I'm so sorry for you and your family and what's happened. Your grandparents obviously love you very much and did what any loving grandparents would do and that was look after you. Try not to feel guilty because it wouldn't change what's happening anyway. Your grandparents have helped you both growing up and from the way you wrote your post I can see what a lovely job they did bringing you up. Just being there for them both when you can is all anyone can ask of you. I'm sure they can see you love them both and that will give your grandad great comfort. Take each day as it comes and just do the best you can. Sending lots of love to you and you're family 💜

  • Hi Angep

    That is such a thoughtful and kind reply to my post. Thank you so much, you are definitely right ❤️

  • Hi Michelle

    Dont feel guilty. Your grandparents looked after you because they love you and it wasn't your fault you all ended up in that dreadful situation that meant you had to live with them. Now it's your grandfather's hour of need and you are doing a lovely job supporting him. I thimk it'd be good to talk to him about how you feel. If nothing else, it'll give you the opportunity to thank him and tell him you love him.

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