Parent needed help

[Shakeelbari]

We have a son which seems to be suffering with bipolar and it has become worse over the months. We have been to the doctor who seems to refer us the the NHS mental institution which we have taken our son to these meetings. He has eventually decided to discharge from his list and also taken him off his medication. Over the months his health and moods have worsened and now he doesn't seem to co operate in going back to him please please tell me if there is any solution as he is 21 and not sure who to turn to . He makes outrageous comments make no sense . He doesn't seem to sleep and wants to be out during the night a lot. Can anyone HELP US

[chloe40]

Hi @Shakeelbari

Welcome to our Community.

We have some excellent members that have knowledge of Bipolar who I'm sure will reply to soon, please keep checking back.

In the meantime, here are some resources you may like to read at some point.

healthunlocked.com/depressi...

Chloe

[Olderal]

Hello Shakeelbari , having a son of 21 who is behaving erratically and who is not now taking medication is a real problem. If it is your son who is now refusing to see his GP or take medication then you have to try very hard to change his mind. Is there no other family member or friend he will listen to ,who you can approach for help ?

If your son continues to deteriorate this could have a bad effect on you and your wifes' health and lives eventually and you need to talk to your GP , and if possible the mental health team who were involved with your son , about your worries and your son's behaviour and ask what they suggest as a course of action. You should do this now before things become more serious.

As your son is an adult of 21 it is difficult to see what course of action you can pursue if he refuses to cooperate. This could in the long term mean excluding him from the family home if his actions become too disruptive and threaten your own health.

Obviously this would be very unwelcome to you and hopefully your son will be reasonable, and the GP/ MH team can suggest something to avoid this situation.

Olderal

[Shakeelbari in reply to Olderal]

We have tried them again but they seem to say well he is 21 and he has to be willing to come in himself. He is not doing this so yes it ha started to become worse. The only other issue is they are not diagnose this as biopolar they just saying some personality disorder. We are trying but not co operating.

[Fi68]

Hello Shakeelbari, welcome to the community, I am writing as someone who has Bipolar Disorder and also has been an advocate for adults with mental health issues. I would like to ask you the following questions based on the information you wrote in your post, this is to help me clarify some of the issues and identify areas where I can give you support. Let me breakdown your post, you wrote -

'We have a son which seems to be suffering with bipolar and it has become worse over the months.' - Does your son have a diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder made by a Consultant Psychiatrist? If yes, when was he diagnosed?

'We have been to the doctor who seems to refer us to the NHS mental institution which we have taken our son to these meetings.' - If your doctor is a GP, they are quite rightly referring you to the local Complex Care and Treatment Team. GP's do not have the skill or experience to diagnose and treat Bipolar Disorder, only a Consultant Psychiatrist can do this. If your son has have previous support from the local team, it is good practice to refer your son back to them. They will have worked with your son and will know his history. When you took your son to the meetings were you also part of it?

'He has eventually decided to discharge from his list and also taken him off his medication.' - Forgive me but I am quite confused here. Are you saying that the GP has decided to discharge your son from his list? Or are you saying that your son has decided to take himself off the GP's list? With reference to medication, again - Is it the GP that has taken him off the medication? Or is it your son who has decided to stop taking medication?

'Over the months his health and moods have worsened and now he doesn't seem to cooperate in going back to him.' - In what way has his health and mood worsened? Are you trying to get your son to go back to the GP?

'Please please tell me if there is any solution as he is 21 and not sure who to turn to.' - Legally your son became an adult when he turned 18. I am going to make an assumption, based on your post, that your son still lives at home with you. It is difficult to say that there is a solution, as in, one action that is going to change things to the way you want them to be. Your son is fortunate that he has parents that love and care for him, and want the best. I know how difficult it is to be a parent and see your child with an illness. The thing is though, your son is not seen as a child, legally, socially or medically. His involvement with medical services will rely on his aggreement, unless he is compulsory detained in hospital on a section. As his parents, if he has had a diagnosis, you may well be viewed as his carers informally. However as your son is now an adult he does not have to tell you what is going on in his life, you will be unable to speak to any of the health professionals involved unless, he has given permission and it will be difficult for sevices to become involved in his life, just because you have requested them.

'He makes outrageous comments make no sense.' - They may not make sense to you, but they may make sense to him, and so what if he makes outrageous comments, does this harm anyone, put him or anybody else in harms way? Obviously if he is making comments that he is going to kill himself or someone else,then you need to inform the police. Apart from that your son can make as many outrageous comments as he likes. In fact there are many politicians that earn a living doing just that.

'He doesn't seem to sleep and wants to be out during the night a lot.' - If your son is sleeping during the day, he will not be tired at night, and so may want to go out at night. Does your son have a job? If he is up during the night and stays at home, making noise and disturbing the rest of the household then that is a problem that might be solved by him getting his own flat. Do you have any idea what your son does when he goes out at night?

'Can anybody help us?' - If your son has a diagnosed mental disoder and it is bipolar, search for BipolarUK online. They have lots of information and can offer support. Also try looking for Rethink online, that is another mental health charity that provides all sorts of services from information to supported housing.

Olderal is absolutely right in that, whatever is going on for your son, you need to keep yourself healthy and well. Obviously your GP is your first port of call for any health concerns, and to tell them the stresses of looking after your son.

Sorry it is such a long post, with so many questions. I hope you keep in touch and let all the lovely people here support you and your son.

Take care,

Fi.

[Shakeelbari]

Hi fi yes my son was away on holiday in Pakistan and there my wife decided to take him into a mental institute and rehab for drugs, as he would often smoke weed. The doctor in Pakistan checked him and decided to retain him there for three months. They gave him counselling aswell as medication and the psychiatrist diagnosed him with biopolar. He only spent a month in there as my wife felt sorry for him in there he was then discharged with the medicine regime to keep with. But they had to also fly back to London as I and the remaining kids were here . Once in London his medicine was given on time and we registered the issue with the GP and he then referred the case to the local mental assessment team. We had a few visits there but they did not treat this as biopolar instead they feel it's the smoking which is doing this. Our son does live with us and most of the meetings he would mention a medicine holiday break. His sleeping patterns are a nightmare he is up all night out and about and once he is back in the house he is always moving around alt whilst we are trying to sleep. His conversations don't make sense at all. We don't want him to move out we would like to keep him . He also was in a job but he resigned as he was trying to apply for an apprenticeship but that also fell through which made things even worse for him any setback in his life he just drops down and would like to blame it on anyone. Yes it is true that the NHS cannot cope with so many mental problems just shove some aside underneath the carpet. He have finally taken him to the Gp who has now sent a letter to the mental ins.

[Shakeelbari in reply to Shakeelbari]

Him

[Shakeelbari]

To fi68

You mentioned that you also suffer from biopolar, so please if you can explain what types of problems you faced or was going through your mind whilst you were unwell and what have been trying to do to get this matter under control . Types of emotions you had whilst this was happening to you.

[Emma-louise93 in reply to Shakeelbari]

I'm 23 years old and I have bipolar disorder.. I fought for ages because I didn't want the help I felt like I didn't need it even though I did.. it's hard for a young adult or for anyone to come to terms with the fact they have a mental illness and also admitting that they need help that's the biggest step.. unfortunately you can't force him to get help he has to do it for himself.. maybe you could show him this support group as one of my friends did because for me it's easier to talk about things on here because there people on here that are going through and have gone through exactly what I have and they give you advice and support you, lift your spirits when you are feeling down

[Shakeelbari]

Emma hi there I was just wandering what actually was happening to u as I'm trying to understand this so we can help my son as much as possible what types of stuff was going on and how did ur parent Cope and helped you

[Shakeelbari]

We really cannot understand our son day by day we are taking this from him . Where not sure how biopolar people are or live day by day. My son has different mood swings sometimes he is happy as hell and then all of a sudden he changes and gives these awful dirty look like a satan. His sleep is awful he keeps up awake all night near enough as he walks around the house from the bedroom to the kitchen. His food intake is also funny he puts a lot of food on his plate but then seems not to finish it and the throws it in the bin. Is this wat biopolar people would do? He doesn't seem to want to go and work anywhere and he sometimes acts as a little child of about 7 or 8 which we cannot seem to understand . Doctors believe it's a personal disorder problem but a doctor abroad has diagnosed with biopolar so we are also so confused. He gets very angry really quickly to the point were he throws things or ends up breaking maybe a frame his computer or even his mobile. Where not sure what to do he doesn't want any help or take any medicine. The other thing we have noticed lately is he shouts and listens to the music loudly could he have become deaf? Any tips or pointer into handily this nightmare of a child.

[Shakeelbari]

Well unfortunately or fortunately not sure he was sectioned on a 136 as he was spilling out onto the streets and shouting and being a nightmare out there. Finally he is in a nhs hospital who are now assessing him to find out what is wrong with him. I and my wife are so exhausted from the past month that in ways we are glad he is in there but at times we feel we have done the wrong thing as leaving him in there. Anyone have any pointers which we should do as to help him in any way. When we go and see him he refuses to see us all he wants to do is come home. He feels we hate him and he says that to us. He refuses any washed clothes or food from home and it seems very upsetting. Should we go and see him everyday or should we not don't know what to or?

[Shakeelbari]

I haven't heard from anyone can anyone help us in amyway

[Olderal]

Hello Shakeelbari, again . You are quite right when you say that none of our replies have been of much practical help , as much as we would like to help. Also of course it appears that much as you and your wife would like to help your son, this has also proved in the main impossible. The sad fact is that the only way to help your son, judging by your posts , is hospitalisation. You have to trust the hospital to do their best for your son.

It is hard for me to tell you this but even the hospital I am very sad to say may not have the knowledge to really help your son regain a totally normal life. In this world we always want answers from experts but in the world of mental health the experts often have no answers. I would say that you have to rely on the hospital who have the best chance of helping your son and that you and the rest of the family have to protect your own health in very trying circumstances. This will be very difficult and probably the best chance of this is for your son to remain in hospital care unless the hospital treatment can bring your son to the state where he can live at home without being too disruptive. This will be very painful for your son and you should visit him as often as possible to reassure him of your love for him but explain to him all the time that its difficult to care for him at home unless he is more cooperative which would include taking his medications.

I feel for you very deeply and am very sad to have to spell this situation out as i see it, but I do not see any point in any false optimism. Some illnesses are difficult or impossible to treat totally effectively, and threaten not only the sufferers health but that of those around them. This I am afaid is the world we live in.

Despite this I would retain hope, you may be lucky and the hospital may find a treatment that has good results for your son. I do hope so.

Olderal

[Shakeelbari]

Thank olderal I am wanted answers and cannot find them I would like some justification and yes I just hope the hospital can help us and he can make a speedy recovery. We hope so much when I children I young and the dreams they will have once there old enough and to see our son day in day out like this is killing us and it's eating away our family just like a wood worm eats wood slowly. He has been hospitality last week after going through a nightmare with the police and the house becoming a tip and they finally sectioned him 136 and has moved onto the mental act . I hope we can all help him , we go everyday to see him mum and dad take food for him but he just wants to come home . He doesn't realise what he has being doing or if he does not not seem it's anything wrong which I am trying hard to understand why he can't. I just want a normal happy family like we use to be before he became unwell but I am lying to myself.

Thank you u have been supportive please do help in anyway possible every bit helps just reading your replies makes us feel hope . Take care

[Olderal in reply to Shakeelbari]

Hello again Shakeelbari. Medical science does not know enough to give you the answers you seek . It is not even close. The hospital will give you the best answers you are likely to get. I am a parent and can well imagine the corrosive effect this has on family life . My own daughter had two episodes of something not quite as serious from both of which she recovered. She showed a lot of courage. My younger brother who died relatively young had similar symptoms to your son. We have such high hopes for them. Life is very hard for so many people.

You and the rest of your family must try and be more united and strong in the face of such a tragedy. That is the only constructive way to minimise the damage that something that is so little understood can do. I am sure that you will continue to do all possible for your son but you must also protect the health and well being of the rest of the family. This is the first priority.

Your son is young and the body and mind are complicated and at his age things can go wrong and then recover. I can only say I do hope so.